ENFP Forum | MBTI | Myers Briggs | Personality | Relationships Family Relationships

Your Best Friend

sbalbom — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:41:29 GMT

What is he/she like?

When did you meet?

What type is 'e

When did you decide you wer best friends?

How do you know when someone is your best friend?

Do you both declair it?

Do you have one or two BFFL?

How To Get Along With An ESFJ Parent?

electriclady — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 02:18:19 GMT

Anybody here have an ESFJ parent/family member? How do you reason with them?

My mother is an ESFJ and she just grates my nerves. You wouldn't believe how bossy and passive aggressive she is. Plus she is extremely narrow minded. She is always right and you are a horrible person if you think different than her. Nothing is ever her fault. I usually ignore her or just say "okay" when she says something because she doesn't listen or want to hear your opinion or thoughts. This woman does not have one logical thought in her head. When I try to be myself, she completely judges me and tells me that I have a mental problem or possesed by a demon because I don't listen to her or do things the way people are "supposed" to do them (what does that even mean??? ). When I told her I wanted to be a social worker, she cried and said I was a loser and that I will be changing diapers for low grade people and jobs like that are for people who have no options. I cannot win with her because she also thinks I am not smart in the ways other people are. The funny part is she does not know me at all. We value and see things completely different....she doesn't appreciate artistic skills or anything out of the ordinary. I have been having the worst few years of my life (going through a transitional period), I had to move back with my parents and trying to get my life back on track. Just knowing these people has brought down my spirit and once I get my life together I want to get away from them for my health sake.

Sorry for the rant. (Oh, just wanted to state that I do not think all ESFJ's are like this)

Trying to be like your SJ parent

SlipCore — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 15:01:46 GMT

I had an ESFJ mom. Not sure what my dad was. I think he had the same problem I had: my mom was so head strong that she basically demanded that everyone be like her & if you weren't extremely assertive (my dad & I) she would just bulldoze you into doing what she wanted, & ultimately, being who she thought you should be, which was like her.

So my question is, are there other ENFP's or different types who found themselves working their asses off to try to be like an SJ parent & ended up miserable in the process & feeling very torn? It has taken me over 10 years to be comfortable with not having to be like my mom. I still sometimes feel a little inadequate thinking of how I have "failed" her. In fact, when I first took a personality test I was trying to be more like her so I don't think I was even an ENFP! Anyone else experience this?

Need to vent. I hate my fucking family.

TheJan — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 06:31:01 GMT

Hey. I am down today. Why? Simple. My parents hate me. My dad has officially thrown me out of home like 3 months past - my mother has done repeatedly too.

We had an argument. One of the things i simply cannot stand is if somebody accuses me of starting an argument, or being deliberately unfriendly to someone. My mother said: "You are being unfriendly again." Me: "No i am not." Mother: "You are.". "No." "You are. " "No." "Then go." (That's it in a nutshell. Whenever i disagree with her, she will throw me out)

Me: "I want the cards onto the table. I don't want to keep it all hidden anymore. We all have our problems, and it might be best if we just let it out. We cannot talk to each other normally and every time we had an argument we just pretend it never happened."

...

Father: "We have a communication problem. You can read it everywhere...." (and a lot of blah blah blah)

Me: "So why don't we SOLVE this problem?"

Father: "I don't think it makes sense to solve it now."

Me: "Yeah, we are very good at postponing it again and again and again. We can postpone it to the end of the world and never ever solve it."

Father: "I don't think it makes sense to solve it now. We are all heated up."

Me: "We have done that time over time and never ever done it. If it doesn't make sense NOW, it will NEVER make sense."

Father: "No. We are not going to talk about it." (then he says something, but i don't want to listen anymore)

I walked out of the door. I just cannot take it anymore. I just cannot. We keep silent all the time, pretending that we are "THE BEST FAMILY IN THE WORLD" when clearly we aren't. It is dishonest. We are being dishonest to each other. Then it comes out and we argue with each other, which always leads to me being thrown out because i don't let them push the blame for the situation onto me. They always say it is my fault that they argue, they say it is my fault that they argue with me, that i am useless, I should go away cause i am only trouble for them, it would be easier if i just went away (also just "GO." while opening the door), i cost too much money, etc. All they say is that I am the problem. I often think they don't want me. They wanted someone like my sisters (oh the comparison, always it is "your sisters didn't...", "your sisters did..."), i often think they wanted someone who nods their head at everything they say. But i disagree. When i don't think it is right what they say, then i disagree. Then it seems to me that they want to make every decision for me. And if i don't tell them ONE TIME, THEY FLIP OUT. I mean, if i don't tell them something ONE TIME, THEY FLIP OUT. I am 21, but i always have to tell them everything... it is just not right. I told them that there are things that are private... no real result. They started it again after 2 weeks.

I don't know what to do anymore. I think one day they will just let me starve - university takes full time for me (cannot work), i don't get anything from the state (because only people not studying and not working get a free flat and money for buying things from the state). I am scared for my life. But i don't want to live a live in which i am constantly told how bad i am, in which i am constantly compared to my sisters who are simply not me, in which my character is worth nothing, in which i am getting told to just go and never get back. I don't want to live a life where i cannot remember when i got the last hug from my parents. Or at least a handshake.

I am writing this from my study home. I thank you for your time.

Please advise- Should I/how can I get out of going on vacation with my cousin?

Supaslim — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 13:43:02 GMT

Okay, so here's the deal. I often go on vacation with my cousin, aunt, and uncle in the summer. They have a cabin on a lake down in Kentucky that we always go to. A couple weeks ago, my cousin- who I get along with and like- asked if I wanted to go down to the cabin for our birthdays (the 14th and 18th). We leave the 11th and come back the 18th. I said yes.

A few days ago, I was informed that it wasn't family I was going on vacation with, it's my cousin and a bunch of her friends, unchaperoned. They're a lot more social than me, always want to do stuff, and they party- I don't. Their idea of a good time is drinking, karaoke, cliff diving... My idea of a good time is sleeping in, reading a book, and otherwise relaxing. Needless to say, every time I attend one of my cousin's events, I always get forgotten or treated like I'm a rather unpleasant stick-in-the-mud by her friends. My cousin, while I know she likes me, sort of forgets I'm around when louder, more active people are available.

So, maybe you can see why I want to get out of going on vacation with them. A week of vacation suddenly looks like a week of living hell. And this is where I need your advice- do you think I should try to get out of going, or should I suck it up and hope for the best? If you think I should try to get out of it, how should I go about doing it? I've already told my cousin that I'll bring food (this was before I knew it was her friends I would be going with), so if I don't go, I'm sure at least one person will be upset with me.

I feel like I've been hoodwinked, and I really don't want to go anymore. Please advise!

How you handle 'conflicts'/arguments

TheJan — Fri, 21 May 2010 22:17:31 GMT

Hey i am interested, how the fellow enfps handle conflicts between you and your friends/family.

I have learned to be calm in an argument and i have seen it is much better for solving the argument. That does not mean that i don't voice my opinion clearly and firmly. But i do so in a calm, non-aggressive way. It brings down the argument from 'heated argument' to 'discussion'. Then you can better discuss what is important and find a solution. I leave the aggressive/angry emotions out of the door. It just makes no sense. When too much aggressive/angry emotions come in, you just cannot find a solution that brings benefit, either to you, or to others.

Is this my Te showing? Or is that Fi? Or some weird combination?

And, how do you handle your arguments?

ENFPs with depression

HollyGolightly — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 06:12:02 GMT

Normally I wouldn't ask for help but I'm pretty desperate.

As you have probably guessed from my posts I adore my ENFP sister. She is in a lot of pain right now and I think she just needs someone she can confide in but I don't feel like I am doing enough.

About 9 months ago I moved out of the family home to live with my nan. They all think it was because I had been bullied at school (which meant I had to leave) and that I needed to get out of that place. That's part of the reason but there's more to it. I really can't stand my mother. I hide it really well, even my ENFP sister hasn't noticed that I dislike her so much. There's plenty of good reasons for this but I don't feel comfortable talking about it and this isn't about me.

I;ve still remained in regular contact with my ENFP sister and she visits at least once a week. She's a really happy person, always makes people laugh and smile But she's extremely depressed and nobody has noticed and she has begged me not to tell anyone. She is depressed because of the way my mother is treating her. I have found out that my mother is pretty much doing to her what she did to me. My sister will sponteaneouly burst into tears (only around me) and she feels so lonely. She can't talk to anyone else about it because the rest of the family don't seem to be able to understand deep emotions and she feels like she can't talk to my mother about problems because my mother can say really mean things. I don't want to go into what she says as my sister asked me not to say anything and I feel disloyal enough posting this on a public forum but I really don't know what to do.

I want to confront my mother. She even says unkind things in front of everyone. But my mother is super manipulative and if I do anything it will make it worse. It will make life unbearable for me...but I don't give a shit about that...but most importantly it wll make life unbearable for my little sister. I know that if I said something when they got back home my mom would fly into a rage at my sister and be even more resentful towards her.

So I don't know what to do. I often think about taking her away with me. If I had enough money and a stable job etc I owuld let her come and live with me. The whole family are moving into my nan's house with me in a month so she will be with me then (it's a complicated situation. I'm not pleased about it as I moved in here to get away from my mother, but at least my sister will be with me).

I just want to take her away with me but I can't. She keeps having moodswings because she bottles so much up and then releases it during inappropriate situations. Sometimes her behaviour even angers me but I understand why she is doing it. But they all think she is a problem child because that's how my mother pretty much treats her. All she needs is someone to confide in, that's all. I try my best to be there for her but I don't live with her. I also feel guilty for moving out but I had had a nervous breakdown because I couldn't take anymore and I moved in with my nan to recover. I'm so worried that my sister will end up having a breakdown too because history seems to be repeating itself.

I know this post must be confusing. I do apologise. I'm not used to asking for help as I usually figure it out for myself. I just want to know if any ENFPs have experienced depression and how did you want to be treated. Did you act in a similar way to my sister, hiding behind humour and then exploding at strange times? And any advice on what I can do to help her? I want to stick up for her but it's really not a good idea...my mother is so manipulative...or do you have any suggestions on how I can handle that?

Thank you for reading this. I know it is confusing and it all sounds like one big soap opera.

This woman is impossible

abucketoflol — Thu, 27 May 2010 00:19:14 GMT

geeez I haven't been on here in forever. x3

Anyways, I decided to come back because I am about to pull my hair out trying to type my mother. It is IMPOSSIBLE I tell you! I can type just about any of my friends, even within a few days of meeting them, but my own mother? Naw. The only think I'm sure about is she is a Thinker, because emotions get on her nerves. x3 But the rest? Well, I'm gonna need some professional help I suppose. Let me describe her to you:

I can't decide whether she is introverted or extraverted because she is kind of a recluse. She stays at home 24/7 and claims that she hates people. She only has one best friend and she claims that they have been friends for so long because she understands that she needs to be left to herself for long periods of time with no clinginess whatsoever. HOWEVER, whenever she is forced to be out in public, she has excellent people skills. People seem to like her a lot and she's good at working a crowd. She used to be a tour guide and a waitress, and she was excellent at both jobs because she knew how to appeal to each individual's interests. So I am absolutely baffled.

Then, I can't decide whether or not she is a sensor or an intuitive, but I think that's because I only have the most basic grasp of what exactly it means to be a sensor/intuitive. Anyways, my mother has excellent intuition (though I realize that's not exactly what it means) and she is excellent at observing people's character flaws (which she judges harshly, mind you). She comes up with weird concepts that no one else would think of (much like an N) and some of her ideas and philosophies are quite abstract. However, there is speculation as to whether or not she's a sensor because she does seem to be pretty concrete as well. She's not one for sentimental gifts; if we don't buy her some nice present for her birthday and make her a card instead, she may throw a tantrum. >_< But that may be the thinker aspect, perhaps. Also, if I try to talk to her about intangible concepts and philosophical theories, she gets aggravated and makes fun of them. x3 BUT I must admit I think I have the N/S trait mixed up with the T/F trait. I dunno. Would someone please shed a little light on this subject?

Lastly, I can't determine whether or not she is a judging type or a perceiving type. She is always punctual, in fact she goes on tirades if we're not like, 30 minutes early. She is determined to fulfill set deadlines and generally follows rules and regulations to a t, though she may complain about said rules and regulations. She may be a perceiving type though, because honestly, she has never picked up a broom in her life. She hates cleaning and doesn't go to any effort to keep the house neat. I think she'd be content to let the place rot around her. She also tends to be pretty impatient, which induces statements such as "do it however you feel you need to, just hurry up" and other such type of things. Sooo I am clueless. x3

Opinions? Suggestions? What do you think of this crazy lady's personality?

Ask a little INTJ

alysaria — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 06:48:29 GMT

A brief interview of my 5 year old INTJ niece. My mom was watching the kids and the youngest girl decided it was more fun to wander around my room than play in the sprinklers with her siblings. Apparently she thinks I'm interesting in spite of the fact that her siblings find me typing on the computer and telling them not to touch anything excessively BORING. >.>

What is your favorite color?: Pink

What is your favorite thing to do: Watch tv

What do you like to watch?: Sonny with a Chance and Cloudy with a Chance

What's your favorite food?: Chicken nuggets

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?: Stingray - it kills people. When asked how, she told me "I would sting them and then they would die"

What is your least favorite thing?: Big dogs. I like baby dogs....and my daddy has a puppy and it's a weiner dog.

What's your favorite song: Run Joey Run - Daddy Please Don't

she then proceeded to get distracted by a fly and chased it around the room in a fury, gritting her teeth and declaring she was going to get it. And of course since I was watching her pride wouldn't allow her to give up....at least until I stopped looking, when she smacked the wall and proudly announced she got it.

I'm going to make a video with my ENFP sister

HollyGolightly — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 05:51:55 GMT

I'm unsure whether I am posting this in the right section. If I haven't I'm really sorry for being a wally

Anyways, I'm making a video with my ENFP sister to show how an INFJ and an ENFP interact with each other and all that jazz and I was just wondering whether you had any questions that you would like us to answer, or what you would like us to talk about.

I might not post the video for a while. She takes forever to get around to doing stuff

Advice to ENFP with INFJ brother

JerseyCityENFP — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 07:10:09 GMT

I am an ENFP. My brother is INFJ, which is cool, b/c we can talk and he interests me, but also at times I piss him off & he explodes, particularly he goes nuts if we're working on a project together and I want to change something that he created. Plus he'll ask me stuff like he's mad at me, like he's say "Remember what we said in the conversation?" when clearly I don't. I get that I may wear him down as an E.

Just yesterday he asked me if he could trust me and if I had ever lied to him. I was kind of taken aback -- I've always worked hard to stay in contact and show him I love him, plus we don't see each other that much due to geographic reasons so I couldn't really imagine what would I lie to him about. I'm sure I come across as being naive here.

Does anyone have a close family member who is an INFJ? Have you found good ways to get along? Thanks.

Choosing friends as an ENFP

enfp1091 — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 10:00:35 GMT

I've decided to make this topic to know how many of you have felt the same I feel and share your experiences.

I've always had so many people that from a sudden talk to me. They reach me, but then they go away. They don't ask me to go to parties and even though I know they are good.

Some time I had a friend (that I considered my best friend) that started talking to me and sometime invite me to hang out with their friends, but I rejected the offer. His birthday came. I was quiet, but not timid. Some other friend told him in front of me if he wouldn't invite me. He gave me the card with a map to get to his house but when he gave it to me, he made a face like if he didn't want to invite me. I didn't go to the party.
The next semester everyone changed classrooms and I was in another classroom he didn't was. So, the first day we didn't met. We chat by MSN and he asked me if I wasn't his friend anymore. I told him yes and the next day we met and he was happy to met me. The whole semester passes Ok with my friendship with this guy, but the next he was hanging out with another friend, who I also considered a friend, who I had a constant fight in Middle school. He suddenly stopped talking to me by MSN and became more distant. Some time later a friend, who I consider my friend right now, told me that he used to talk about me in the classroom. Then I started to feel guilty, and right now I feel the same. Because he was the only person I really considered a friend and the others were just acquaitances.

Have you ever feel the same? That some people are your friends and then they just abandon you? That no one ever invites you to parties or reunions but enjoy being with you?

Besides, I'm obese (but I don't look that obese, just fat) and I know that most people judge you just by your cover. They can make you feel the worst person in the world.

How do you Deal with "S" Parents?

ENFPGuy — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 17:59:40 GMT

Both my parents are "N"s. How do you deal with them?

I cannot possibly understand this D:

Msquared — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 13:19:47 GMT

WHY is it that everywhere I look on the internet, it says INTJ's and ENFP's make the bestest soulmates, yet me, an ENFP, and my mother, an INTJ (yet I think she is 50% N and 50% S, so she might have like, multiple personalities or something O_o) never ever EVER get along! We're constantly fighting. I'll admit, sometimes we can have quite.. interesting conversations, but as a whole, we freaking hate each other.

S and N Genetic

ENFPGuy — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 11:31:47 GMT

Do we know if these are traits that are passed down?

Don't know what to do with ENFP sister...

Psyko — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 11:05:53 GMT

My ENFP sis (5 years older,) has just had her heart broken by her ENTP boyfriend. They've had a very turbulent relationship and have been on and off for almost 3 years, with long periods where they were broken up. During the last few months they have practically split up every other week or so. (No, I'm not exaggerating.)

It seems that they split up for good last week, just before New Year's. They have trust and jealousy issues and my sis can't cope with it anymore. I'm trying to support her the best I can, but when she writes him texts that she wants him dead and writes me poems about her frozen heart and that she's standing alone in a landscape filled with sorrow, I don't know quite what to do or say. She says that she's just an empty shell and she's only existing, not living.

I do feel her pain and I want to support her, but I also want to shake her up, making her realize that the break up was for the best. Their relationship was horrible and she was in tears almost every week because of something he said or did to her.

Any specific advice for me? Can I say or do something to help her through this? Right now, I feel that I'm too much of an INTJ to cope with this. I have also experienced a feeling like she is experiencing, but only for a day or two, before going into problem solving & fu*k him mode, where I'm able to shake things off.

Any tips on avoiding weddings?

Cuddles McKitten — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 06:46:23 GMT

My brother, whom I don't really know (didn't grow up together) or see more than once every year or so, is getting married and for some inexplicable reason wants me to go. However, driving a ten hour round trip and renting a tux to spend a few hours sitting around drunken people I've never met before and will never see again seems annoying to me. Especially since I think he might be trying to get me to perform some task; I'm not terribly familiar with traditional western/Christian wedding practices other than what I've seen on TV, so I don't really know what it would entail.

Anyone got any suggestions as to how I can get out of this harassment-by-recent-common-ancestor? My current planned course of action is to play it off as if he was just inviting me only to be curteous and politely decline.

Why do we fight so much?

mickeymoo26 — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:08:56 GMT

I'm an ENFP, My Dads an ISTJ, My Mums an INFJ, and My Brothers an ESTJ.

Everyone always fights in My family. The worst combination is Me and my Dad! Then Me and My brother! They are both so logical, and my brother is manipulative and stubborn! Following those two I'd say My Mum and Dad. Mums more creative and loving, dads more of a dry personality, all about high expectations of everything, and not trusting outside people. My mum and I fight sometimes, but we have a really close relationship otherwise, which is great! My bro and my mum get a long pretty well. Wierdly enough somehow it works okay, My mum and Dad aren't in love, but stay together I think because they've been together for like 25 years! I get along with all of them even though we fight a lot. Just half the time we're fighting the other half we're all good. I don't understand why my family is like this. I was wondering if anyone

I want someone to explain to me, make it clear to me why our family is so loving one minute then so the opposite the next?

Please do this using Myer Briggs. Thanks yeah in advance!

Family and Personality

JHBowden — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 12:05:05 GMT

Did your parents add any color to your personality? No one matches type descriptions exactly, and even with close fits, different traits have different emphases.

For example, I have an ISTJ father and an ENFJ mother.

If I had a different father, it is possible I would not be as concrete and empirical as I am today. I have twin INTJ cousins who were raised by an ENTJ-ENFP combo, and they're "fregan" dumpster divers who believe every conspiracy theory on the planet. I shudder at the possibility that I could have turned out like that.

In addition, I probably see things in personal terms more than I would if I didn't have an ENFJ mother. I'm fascinated by gossip and actively indulge in it! I also love the humanities, since whether in philosophy or art or literature, someone is always trying to display their own vision of how the world is.

Thoughts?

Siblings

cryptonia — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 05:26:58 GMT

How do you ENFPs act towards your siblings? Do you tend to love them, or still pick on them like most other siblings do? How do they help you out? How do you interact with them?

For those who don't have siblings, would you have liked them? How do you imagine a brother or sister being? What would you like to do together?