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ENFP addiction/alcoholism
Last Post 19 Jan 2012 10:34 AM by jmcail. 33 Replies.
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PurpleGiraffe 
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 16 Feb 2011 09:26 AM |
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It does kind of sound like emotional abuse. "I'll treat you like shit and then come running after you, messing with your feelings when you decide to leave." Krysty, you can't help someone who doesn't want to help himself, and you can't keep a relationship with someone who doesn't respect himself enough to want to be healthy for himself. It means he can't have a healthy relationship with you. There is something to be said for the "you can't truly love someone else unless you love yourself." Rogarn is right. If he really loved you, he would love all of you, even the parts he doesn't understand, and wouldn't play mind games of good guy/nice guy, but you can do with that what you will. Just know that from what you have iterated, you deserve better.
I think you do know the answer to the question you postulated, or else you wouldn't find yourself on an internet forum asking about addictions and personality type... (but I'm just speculating)
Funny, intelligent, attractive, and "loves you" aren't traits that only one man in the whole world has/can have. You can find them in someone else who doesn't hurt you.
*Note: I did post this before reading the follow-up, but I stick to it too.*
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krysty2
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 27/female
Relationship:
IM:
Posts:66
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| 16 Feb 2011 09:31 AM |
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So he probably is using me because he is sick ,and needs me there for him...I should get out now? I mean i see that , but i also see the side of him that really does want the life with me...But i dont think he can control himself to do that, ya know.. Like dude jst found out its a great chance he has cancer and doctors told him he needs to quit smoking he got the patches and the mints and the gums all at highest doses, and he still cannot quit...Like your OWN life may depend on it and you cant stop SMOKING, how can i trust you with my life and happiness? |
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| Shylah2 |
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Rogarn
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: M 19
Relationship: banned from loving
IM: shadowspirit1234
Earl
Posts:1796
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| 16 Feb 2011 09:38 AM |
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You downplay the power of physical addiction to nicotine. Don't think that me standing up for his inability to quit smoking means I am trying to vouch for him. Quite the contrary, I still think he is a negative aspect of your life and that you need to get out of it as soon as you possibly can. You need to make sure that you completely remove yourself from him, at least for a while, or else he will pull you back in with your own feelings. After a while, your feelings will have evened out and you should be able to talk to him safely if you so choose to. |
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krysty2
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 27/female
Relationship:
IM:
Posts:66
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| 16 Feb 2011 09:56 AM |
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Thanks guys, and i already know...I just keep spinning the same web...I know I have learned so much, and i embrace every struggle i have been through in life, because it makes me grow so much, and i also want to get into some type of counceling lol, for myself , and as a career..I mean hey, it takes one to truly know one right |
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| Shylah2 |
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krysty2
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 27/female
Relationship:
IM:
Posts:66
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| 16 Feb 2011 09:59 AM |
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Rogarn, No i do not downplay the power of physical addiction (well maybe a lil), But I myself am a smoker.. But now I have to bring a good point in this, emotional addiction cannot be downplayed either...I think i am emotionally addicted...Which in the end what seperates that from physical? Nothing.
However i am not disagreeing with anything you are saying... |
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| Shylah2 |
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PurpleGiraffe
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 16 Feb 2011 10:01 AM |
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There is something to be said for taking a break from someone for a little bit. It sucks and can hurt like hell, but a lot of self-reflection occurs during that stage, and stuff like that can definitely help you grow as a person (and if a relationship is meant to be than that growth just makes the relationship stronger). I am just stating a truth that I've observed. Nevertheless, Krysty, it is your life, no one can or should make a decision for you. Only you can do that. You just have to sit down and think about not only what you want but what you need for yourself. |
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krysty2
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 27/female
Relationship:
IM:
Posts:66
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| 16 Feb 2011 10:07 AM |
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Oh wow Purplegiraffe, i just realized you were female, and my age, lol. I didn't take notice to your stats, some reason i thought u were a male lol no particular reason why lol...But I understand, and I think you r TJ makes that easier for you to actually do...I mean i can recognize what i should do, its just the doing part that gets difficult. My FP clouds things a lil...I mean he IS sincere when he is sorry and wants to make it work, thats what messes with me...I can see real from fake...But by the time he starts with the bs I am already sucked in. |
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| Shylah2 |
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Rogarn
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: M 19
Relationship: banned from loving
IM: shadowspirit1234
Earl
Posts:1796
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| 16 Feb 2011 10:26 AM |
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He does want to make it work, but he doesn't want to change. You can't make someone change, they have to want it. We can't make you break up with him, you have to want it. In all likelihood, he will not change from this kind of action ever, or if it does happen, not for many years to come. You have to seriously sit down, maybe make a list, of all the bad things he has done to you. People in your position ALWAYS look at all the nice things the other has done, and downplay all the bad things. If you look at it objectively, you recognize the severity of the problem. |
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krysty2
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 27/female
Relationship:
IM:
Posts:66
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| 16 Feb 2011 10:51 AM |
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Wow u hit it on the head, he does want to make it work, he doesnt want to change..Anyway i need more N's in my life!!!! I have been feeling such a void living in that apt with him and his S mother....She is a great lady, always laughing at something, and bullshittin about people, and i can Dig it sometimes, but I just feel like a 12'th grader in kindergarden sometimes heheheee..And i do not mean that as putting anyone down and me up, cause i am the most real, down to earth, non conceited person...But really...Can i get a lil depth?! |
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| Shylah2 |
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Dialetheism
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 24/F
Relationship: Happily single
IM:
Posts:35
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| 13 Oct 2011 12:01 PM |
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There are many shades of addiction. A junkie with a needle in his arm sleeping in the gutter is theoretically the same as the mom who needs to take xanax or smoke pot every day to cope with her kids and life. My Mom has struggled with alcoholism throughout her life, and she is an ESFJ through and through, drinking or not. I broke off a relationship with an INTJ who was an alcoholic as well, he could go to school every day and get A's and talk about physics all day (dont ask me how with a hangover!) but you'd better believe at night he was getting bombed. Every night. He was proud actually that he could drink that much and still be smarter than most people and have better analytical skills. Do substances affect peoples personality? Of course, but in their sober state they typically are more or less who they are, typically embodying the unhealthy version of their type. To paint it black or white and say addicts can't possibly be typed is sorta ridiculous. Should we not type people who have fallen in love recently? How about grieving? Under serious stress? etc... |
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| *As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.*
*I had three pieces of limestone on my desk,
but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily,
when the furniture of my mind was all undusted still,
and threw them out the window in disgust*. Walden -Thoreau |
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alysaria
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex:
Relationship:
IM:
Empress of Random Founding Member
Administrator
Posts:2933
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| 13 Oct 2011 07:08 PM |
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Personality is a purely psychological study, which means it can very easily be skewed by psychological issues. Addiction and withdrawal both alter the mental state.....and anything that does so can read as a personality result when it fact it is related to the issue instead. So while a person does not lack a personality for having an addiction, to assess their type in regards to attributes that may be influenced by the addiction is like saying that there's a correlation.
Type =/= Addiction
Addiction =/= Type
They are not a cause and effect relationship except in the most indirect ways.
The assessment is meant to determine healthy types, and damaging addictions preclude a healthy personality. |
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Dialetheism
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 24/F
Relationship: Happily single
IM:
Posts:35
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| 14 Nov 2011 12:50 PM |
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I disagree. The personality traits of the individual may in fact lead them to be more risk-taking, indulgent, stuff feelings rather than cope etc. The individuals I referenced I have known (obviously) most of my life. Their core traits have stayed the same over the years, with varying degrees of sobriety. Also a person cannot possibly stay intoxicated 24/7, some glimpse of their true self does emerge from time to time, that is uninhibited by substances. Now for instance, is my mom even more social and boisterous when drinking? Yes. Is my INTJ friend more quiet and passive when drinking? Yes. Substances, for the most part, magnify what the individual is already feeling. Now its true that obviously barbiturates, opiates and hallucinogens will have a very noticeable effect on a persons persona, but I have yet to meet an individual who could stay bombed on these classes of drugs, constantly. It's not medically possible. Lastly it is truly inappropriate to type anyone in any state of intoxication, or say someone at detox, who is acting schizophrenic, but may just be having DT's. A first impression diagnosis would be disastrous and could lead to serious problems. But with that said, for those individuals close to them, they do have a somewhat accurate perception of the individuals personality, sober or not. Causation and correlation are irrelevant when you have known the person for many years, when they are on the wagon and off for extended periods of time. This would only be accurate if the individual was never sober or never intoxicated. MBTI allows for unhealthy individuals, and there are many many threads on it, relating to traits exhibited in individuals of a certain type who are not healthy. Personally, I act much more ISTJ when I am unhealthy and extremely rigid and kinda bitchy. But those who know me know that I am not being myself and will give me reality checks. |
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| *As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.*
*I had three pieces of limestone on my desk,
but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily,
when the furniture of my mind was all undusted still,
and threw them out the window in disgust*. Walden -Thoreau |
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incrediblemind
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 46
Relationship: stuck with a sensor :(
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:216
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| 17 Jan 2012 12:16 AM |
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As an INTJ, alcohol I have to be somewhat careful with (I used to distill), green I can take it or leave it (and I usually leave it), tobacco (given up now) I must never never never touch again (horribly addictive shit - hiss! growl!), ENFPs - addiction very quickly growing - feeding it daily!  |
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jmcail
MBTI:
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Posts:2
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| 19 Jan 2012 10:34 AM |
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Both were just bad liquor and drugs those have side effects and can lead to our death they must be carefull with those .
http://www.sobriety.org |
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