AnnaK 
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:03 PM |
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Question. If you knew someone was eavesdropping, or reading your private email, would you purposely say things to piss them off, to teach them a lesson?
My Mother always said if you eavesdrop, you get what you deserve if you hear something you wish you hadn't. If I think someone is invading my privacy, I might get even in a passive agressive way. Would anyone else do this? |
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PurpleGiraffe
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:13 PM |
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Why would someone be reading your private mail? That's completely uncool. I would do in the words of Optimaler: "PUNCH IT IN THE FACE" (but not literally). That is very good advice for the scenario as you have presented it in my opinion, so I thought I would use it. |
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Lauren
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 57/F
Relationship: Married
IM:
Veteran Member
Posts:242
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:23 PM |
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No, I would confront the person about it. Either I would tell them I knew what they were doing and they needed to stop it, or I would make an effort to include them in the conversation, depending on a variety of factors. I can be very direct about things like this. |
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Sakari
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: Female
Relationship: Single
IM: sakariparadox
Cutest ENFP Ninja
Moderator
Posts:753
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:28 PM |
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I wish I could take those routes. Unfortunately, my father reads my emails sometimes. x.x He found out I participated in an LGBT history program and has now forbidden me from going to prom. Eh, whatever.
After my initial anger settled down, I'd probably put on a really hurt face and confront them about it, only to break down in the middle in earnest and they'd feel so guilty, they wouldn't do it again. At least, that's what happened after I confronted someone about a rumor. xD Getting over one's anger is important, I think. Because had I not slept on it, I probably would've damaged a lot of relationships because I was feeling really hurt and vindictive. |
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Lauren
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 57/F
Relationship: Married
IM:
Veteran Member
Posts:242
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:39 PM |
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Posted By Sakari on 17 Mar 2011 02:28 PM
I wish I could take those routes. Unfortunately, my father reads my emails sometimes. x.x He found out I participated in an LGBT history program and has now forbidden me from going to prom. Eh, whatever.
Ah, I see the problem. Once you are in your 50s like me, no one will be able to forbid you from doing what you want, as long as it's not illegal. It's much harder to be assertive when you're dependent upon the person who is spying on you. This is one of those problems that is temporary in nature. Take deep breaths and visualize freedom. It is imminent. |
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caprice
MBTI: eNfP
Age/Sex: F
Relationship:
IM:
High Author
Posts:782
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:45 PM |
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I think AnnaK is talking about someone not residing in her house based on some other posts she's made. Maybe she will clarify for us. |
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PurpleGiraffe
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 17 Mar 2011 03:58 PM |
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Yes, I agree Caprice. I answered her post based up the INTJ(?) she had indicated having problems with, but I could have been wrong and these might not be linked. Personally, if this is the same guy, all AnnaK needs to say is go and we can get the INTJ crew here to go storm his place with torches and pitchforks. Nobody gets to harass the ENFPs of this site!  But really, if this is the same guy he needs to be told off, and I would consider a restraining order if he won't stop. Stuff like reading personal e-mail is completely unacceptable.
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caprice
MBTI: eNfP
Age/Sex: F
Relationship:
IM:
High Author
Posts:782
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| 17 Mar 2011 04:08 PM |
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Maybe someone here has some knowledge or experience with this sort of thing. I agree that it's completely unacceptable. But how do you prove > stop it.
Also, Sakari, I'm sorry to hear about your issues with your father. I didn't go to prom either. I had no interest and don't regret it at all. |
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Danny
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: Both Apply
Relationship: Amicable
IM: IM, IM, IM . . Blonde!
Assistant Editor
Posts:290
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| 17 Mar 2011 04:29 PM |
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Pssst. Shhhh. Listen, Antiant.
*presses ear to the door of the thread*
*whispers to Antiant* What is the deal with people not being direct, Anti? If we were in Japan or another high context society, I would understand being indirect so as to allow one to save face. But here in the US, the most commonly seen face is the one located on the posterior. It seems that if one purposefully lacking demonstration of respect and integrity would not much appreciate the grace of saving face, thus why not be direct? Anti, don't you think that would be most effective?
*tip toes out before someone eavesdrops on Danny and Antiant*
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| "She parts bullshit like the red sea. Amen." ~TheMorrigan to Danny |
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 17 Mar 2011 04:30 PM |
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Yeah, it is the same INTJ I keep discussing ad nauseum. I can't confront him. I don't live by him and I am only 80% certain it is really going on. It's a long story and frankly, I'm sick of hearing myself talk about it. I'm pretty sure he hacked my smartphone and/or pc. Evidentally it is easy to do? I can't call the police because I don't think there would be any proof. Anyway, I'm a pretty boring person, so there is not really anything exciting for him to discover. And he hasn't stolen from me or anything. If he had actually stolen from me, I'd call the police. It pisses me off because I keep emailing him, and he rarely replies to my emails. And it pisses me off because it seems like he is trying to drive me crazy, and succeeding.... That's why I went the passive aggressive route. I don't know, like I said, I am getting sick of discussing it. I feel pretty stupid looking for help on online forums.
I just don't get it. I used to email him all of the time. I am an open book. I am very boring. No reason at all to spy on me, except if he learned how to hack for some other reason, and then decided to hack other people too. He just got divorced. I have read people going through divorce often spy on each other to get dirt for the custody battle. He could have learned how to do it for that, and then, it was so easy, why not do it to other people too? He is really smart. And he might have been angry with me because when we first started working together I Googled him and told him and he seemed a little angry about it. He later said he was only angry because I told other people in the office about this cool stuff he does on the side, but I think he was angry that I invaded his privacy.
What's amazing is, even though I am so open and he hacked my phone, he seems to COMPLETELY misunderstand me. I think he thinks I am more exotic than I am or something. |
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boork
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: M/33
Relationship: married and playful
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:178
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| 17 Mar 2011 04:42 PM |
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Anna: damn, this guy is a piece of work. I don't know if I'd know where to begin with something like that.
Me too on the sorry, Sakari - that really sucks. I did go to my prom, but it ended up being a low-grade disaster, and in hindsight I'd have had a better time doing something else. My date - girlfriend at the time - definitely believed the 'prom is the most important night of my life, except maybe my wedding' philosophy. Hard for things not to end up in disaster with that expectation.
But how do you prove > stop it.
Good question. It probably depends partly on the situation (like whether or not you are dependent), but also on the outcome you want (whether or not your relationship with this person is something that is worth fixing, or whether you just want to end it). In this case, sounds like you need to get out. I wonder what grounds you need to file a restraining order =/
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 17 Mar 2011 04:45 PM |
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Sakari, I went to my prom, but it was very boring. You're not missing much. I'm sure your Dad will eventually chill out. |
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PurpleGiraffe
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 17 Mar 2011 05:00 PM |
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AnnaK, please don't hate my honesty but him still being mad to this day about you Googling him is a stupid reason for him to be upset, and if he is still angry about it, then he's an absolute idiot and a complete control freak. Heck, I Googled someone the other day...and guess what? They laughed when I told them and they Googled me right back. I mean, their/our info is right there. Why wouldn't someone consider looking it up? If he is bothered by something that come up in the search results then he should try to get that stuff removed from Google, not be upset with you for looking it up and telling someone.
By the way, I'm not saying you are foolish; in fact, I am saying the opposite. From the things you have said, I wouldn't be surprised if this guy did hack your computer even if you aren't sure about it yourself. He sounds like he does not have all his necessary marbles floating in that head of his. Personally, I say you confront him. Send him an e-mail, basically inquiring about his spying and cut him out if he doesn't respond satisfactorily or just cut him out entirely. You deserve much better than what this guy is putting you through.
Googling someone (and telling someone about it) does not equal being hacked and having your privacy violated repeatedly.
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 17 Mar 2011 05:18 PM |
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Yeah, I can't confront him via email. I mean, I write him emails and he rarely replies. When he does reply it is only one line or so. If I wrote an email, he would just ignore it. So, I'd get nothing from confronting him that way. If I were still able to see him in person, I would confront him. Anyway, it would almost be like asking him to admit to a crime, so no fool would ever do that. And like I said, I'm not 100% certain.
I think there must be some sort of explanation for what is going on. I think it is too simplistic to say he's a nut job. I'm trying to figure out if he is doing it out of anger or curiosity or what. It doesn't make sense to me to ignore my emails and yet hack my phone. This has been going on so long, I'm so exhausted. Maybe I'm the nut job.
(Sometimes he does share personal information with me. Rarely though.)
Thanks for your help Purple Giraffe!! |
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PurpleGiraffe
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 17 Mar 2011 05:36 PM |
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No, I don't think you are a nutjob. You just sound drained. Oftentimes it is just better to let something go. I mean, really, what do you get from this guy? I would recommend sitting down and weighing it out, because I think once it comes down to it, you will see that the list of reasons to leave the situation completely is probably far greater in size than the list to stay involved. Besides, I think the mental energy you might be exerting for this guy might be holding you back. If you are finding yourself exhausted then that is a lot of energy that could be used for something much healthier and far more stable and ultimately better for you.
And you're welcome! Anytime!  |
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 17 Mar 2011 05:44 PM |
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I'm going back on the road in two weeks, after that, I'll pretty much forget about it. What kills me is no one can seem to give me any guesses on his motivation. I appreciate everyone's help a lot, but I wish someone could give me some insight on him. I just really, really want to understand what is going on. He hasn't held me back, yet really. It added to the stress I had on my last job, but I hated that job anyway.
Also, I don't get why he'd let me know about the hacking. He could have kept it a secret. It was like he was playing some sort of game. |
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 18 Mar 2011 06:59 AM |
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No one has any ideas why someone would not reply to emails and yet hack someone's phone?
This is why I really think people are not worth the effort. When I am alone I eventually default to my relatively happy state. It takes people to make me unhappy. People who are difficult. People who you try to meet in the middle, try to come to an understanding with, and they block every single one of your efforts. |
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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PurpleGiraffe
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Jirafa sola
IM:
Philosopher of ENFPs
Posts:962
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| 18 Mar 2011 09:14 AM |
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AnnaK, this guy doesn't sound healthy, so I want to preface this by saying that whatever his type may be, you can't rationalize crazy/unstable. But you can look at patterns, and I can guess/create theories but remember that this is just a guess based upon what I think a crazy version of myself might do in this scenario (and remember that this might or might not hold any credence at all). Is he still unemployed? Plus, he is going through this divorce - I know this. If he is unemployed then his sense of self-worth must be completely non-existent because we INTJs gain self-respect through what we feel competent in. So, his self-esteem is at a low and his emotions are all crazy because of the divorce and possible feelings of failure because he was unable to keep that marriage together, so my guess is that you, who is not going through a divorce and seems to have more of her sh*t together looks like a an exotic amazing individual and my guess is that he is stuck in a depressed Ni/Fi state and is projecting jealousy, possibly from feelings caused his ex, his unhappy life, and you seeming to look more together. He possibly did learn how to hack and used it on his wife and thought (along with jealousy issues) that he would do it to you too because you have more of your sh*t together. So, he is trying to mask his insecurities and fears through control tactics of intermittently responding to keep you on edge and hacking to find out what you are doing.
Ultimately, from how I see it, he has gone to crazy town and you should run.
People ARE worth the effort. There are plenty of awesome people out there. You just have to find one of them, not this guy. |
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AnnaK
MBTI: XNFP
Age/Sex: Middle aged Female
Relationship: Single
IM:
Advanced Member
Posts:213
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| 18 Mar 2011 09:45 AM |
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Thanks Purple Giraffe!! I REALLY need someone to talk to about this. I have no where to turn. I don't want to still be this screwed up when I go back on the road.
I DO NOT have my sh*t together. That's just it. I'm bouncing along the bottom. The field I'm end is dying. I think the difference between him and me, is I'm okay with myself bouncing along the bottom. Almost everyone I know is struggling, so I don't feel alone at all. I have noticed you think everyone is doing so well, but if you open up to them, they'll open up to you and you find out everyone has all kinds of problems.
He never talked about his wife, so I have no way to know if this is true, but I got the feeling his wife was a total snob, and possibly very demanding and critical. She may not have appreciated how hard it is becoming to stay employed in our field. She had a very good job I think. I tend to think of snobby people as 'nouveau riche', and I tend to look down on them actually. I think money is temporary and one day you could have it and the next day it could be gone. What matters in life will not change based on your employment or bank account.
He is from Europe and his family is over there. I'm not sure how much he opens up to his friends. He might not have too many people to turn to.
Do you think there is anything I could do to make him feel more comfortable emailing me? |
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