Please don't be offended by this, anybody. I really don't mean it in a bad way. Anyway, it seems to me that ENFPs have a tendency to be a bit egotistic. Not just that they think too highly of themselves, though some do. (mostly the males) More often, they seem to think too low of themselves. I could be wrong about this, but many of the ENFPs I've met seem to think they are of inferior intelligence, or inferior value to those around them. This is of course wrong, and I always feel bad when I see this, but like a typical INTJ, I don't really know what to do about it. Anyway, I wonder what can be done about this? You all really are wonderful people, some of you though don't see that yourselves. It could be that this isn't even type related and I'm way off. If so, let me know. I don't want to have the wrong idea.

So, what do the people of ENFP Forum think?

I'm not sure I entirely relate to the lack of self-worth or thinking I'm of inferior intelliigence or value, but I'm definitely highly critical of myself. My expectations for others is generally fairly low and basic, my expectations for myself are close to unattainable. Though I'm working on that. I also value self-deprecation in an honest, comedic sort of way. There's no need to take your talents or self (ego) that seriously. We all have flaws and I'm not afraid of calling myself a dumbass or naive or what have you when it applies. I also tend to want to get along and understand as opposed to wield intelligence wantonly. And there are multible varieties of intelligence. We're all ignorant in our own sort of way(s).

Oops multiple. I completely suck at typing. I'm generally not mechanically inclined whatsoever.  I so admire that in others.

Maybe it's more of an eye hand brain coordination.... Anyways I suck at typing, 

Of many of the ENFPs I've known, they let others' opinions of them have much more weight than they should be allowed to have. An ENFP gets called smart and suddenly they think they're the greatest thing on earth. Or they get called stupid or worthless and they fall for that too.

Posted By lindzmarie85 on 20 Mar 2011 01:36 PM

Okay, this makes a bit more sense than the OP. And I (in a way) can agree. I think as ENFPs we are very focused on making and/or wanting others to like us, and sometimes this can lead us to become too reliant on how others perceive us. Also, we are usually very sensitive to any praise/criticism -- and I guess depending on the person one can be more sensitive to one and not the other and react accordingly. And we can take some of that criticism very personally and hold it for a long time.

Exactly! This fits perfectly to this ENFP I'm dealing with. He's "extremely" sensitive to criticism (even constructive ones) and often defend himself so harshly by throwing emotinoal tantrums back on me. I once told him that he should consider others (say, person A) feeling whenever conflicts arise, and that he is older than A, though he would aggressively backfire me by saying "What about "my" feelings? Have you thought of that before making such criticism?" (though I consider it wasn't a harsh criticism)

As an INFJ, I'm also equally not good at dealing with criticism as well, and I am perfectly aware of this. Though it rather has to do wiht our perfectionism. And I think INFJs usually don't take criticism well but they are capable of reflecting it after cooling off on their own. Whereas, I think when an ENFP breakdown upon receiving criticism, it has to do with failing to live up the expectation from others (more people-oriented), I think.

So here comes another question. What's the best approach to show ENFPs that their actions or sayings are wrong? This is the "biggest" challenge I'm dealing with ENFPs. My intention is for the better though, since they can be a little insensitive when they acted a little too hyper (not watching their words, for example). In my experience, I just felt whatever I say, and no matter how small the criticism is, it usually ends up upsetting them on a grandoise scale. Unfortuantely, that is something I want to avoid at all cost, knowing how sensitive these souls are.

 

I am also the type of person who needs to positive feedback. I worked for someone (the ESTJ boss I talked about in another thread) who never told anything I did was good (if anything she would say "thanks" but it was for simply doing the work, not if it was done well or above her standards, even if I worked my butt off to try to produce a product that was exceedingly beyond what was expected of me). I felt un-appreciated and my work reflected that. I need to know that I am valued by my superiors and that the work I do is seen as important and valued. I suppose this could be seen as egotistical.

I think for ENFPs, well at least the one that I'm dealing with, he also complained about the same issue (though about his mother) as you. He said his mother rarely "praises" him all throughout his life. I felt that his mother just wanted him to be more humble, as that's what he told me his mother always emphasize on him--to be humble. And that probably shows that he can be somewhat egoistic that he didn't realize. During a dinner party, his mother told me that his son once told him "Wow, I am sometimes overwhelmed how smart I am, and I wonder why?"   So I think (this can be biased btw) the biggest problem for ENFPs is that they are constantly seeking for a over-blown, genuine yet dynamic compliment like "Wow, this is amazing work! I don't think anyone could have done that except you!" rather than a simply mere "Thanks, good job!) because they often judge the "reactions" from others, not just a few simple words. This is probably why they constantly felt down as they expected too highly on the "enthusiastic" compliment to suit their likings.
 

That's based on INFJ's P.O.V. btw. I could be worng. Heh

"Wow, I am sometimes overwhelmed how smart I am, and I wonder why?"

I'm just speaking now for myself.  I don't necessarily represent ENFPs as a group.

I was raised by an ISFJ mother and an ISTJ father.  I married an ISTJ.  My sister is ISFJ.  My boss is an ISFJ, and my previous boss was ESTJ.  I work with SJs of various stripes.  I'm surrounded by SJs.  The things that are important to SJs (organization, structure, efficiency, duty, schedule, etc.) are not my main strengths.  I can fake it pretty well for a while, but eventually I am sure to slip up.  All of these people love and value me (really, they do), but I also drive them crazy.  SJs can be very critical, and also (at least the ones I know best) are very withholding of praise.  When I'm criticized for things that are part of my core nature, and the criticism is coming from people who, I know, love me, I tend to take it pretty hard.  Though I tried my best, I let them down.  I begin to feel as though I am not, never have been, and never will be, good enough.  That's one reason why it's good for me to have the resource of a group like this to tell me that it's OK to be who I am.

So here comes another question. What's the best approach to show ENFPs that their actions or sayings are wrong? This is the "biggest" challenge I'm dealing with ENFPs. My intention is for the better though, since they can be a little insensitive when they acted a little too hyper (not watching their words, for example). In my experience, I just felt whatever I say, and no matter how small the criticism is, it usually ends up upsetting them on a grandoise scale. Unfortuantely, that is something I want to avoid at all cost, knowing how sensitive these souls are.

Posted By PurpleGiraffe on 21 Mar 2011 03:13 PM
It's not only okay to be who you are, Lauren, it's awesome. Who you are rocks!

Lovin' you, PG! 

Posted By alysaria on 23 Mar 2011 09:11 AM
If INTJs are the most insecure egomaniacs.....then ENFPs are the most confident self-deprecators.

Brilliant analogy Aly!!

Posted By Seamonkey on 23 Mar 2011 04:28 AM
I think some people are like DC current, even, dependable and mediocre. For people like us, we experience the peaks and the troughs, moments of utter genius followed by failure. To be the best , in my opinion, you have to be prepared to be the worst at times. That's from an egotistical ENFP, and that is the way I understand my life.

Thanks for this metaphor, Seamonkey.  I'll remember this in my darkest moments and take solace.