well for me... self-image is a big deal... and i think that when reality doesnt match up with my self image it can cause some serious conflicts.
I dont think any ENFP has a problem with self worth or feeling intelligent, its when exterior things happen to us that are not consistent with
the kinds of things that would happen to someone with the "self image" that each of us have, it causes us to question how we are living our lives
and it can take time to dissipate the dissonance it causes... we don't see ourselves as we are, we see ourselves as what we want to be...
its definitely a balancing act, but it is necessary to maintain a cheerful attitude and i spend a lot of time making sure its in check..

(i cant really speak for all ENFP's but this is my best guess based on my experiences)

and to Lindz... i dont think it is a character flaw at all... if people are too stupid to keep up with the barrage of creditable knowledge,
then perhaps they are not worthy of your time... don't not do what is natural to you just because other people don't understand

Posted By alysaria on 23 Mar 2011 09:11 AM
If INTJs are the most insecure egomaniacs.....then ENFPs are the most confident self-deprecators.

I agree! That's brilliant Alysaria! 

Knowing your own weaknesses should not make you insecure. In my opinion, it only serves for a better understanding of yourself and how to maximize your abilities.  I've found it particularly useful when I'm doing work to channel my energies in a way I know works for me - I play insane, fast-paced music, write down stuff, give myself deadlines and happily reward myself when I fulfil them (usually with social interaction). Simply because I know my weaknesses are I cannot work well under a social setting (unless its brainstorming, then that's different, but it degenerates into play most of the time), am bad with schedules (so therefore, a bigger need to ORGANIZE myself into following one) and that I need constant happiness/affirmation from others (which is why at the end of the day after withholding myself, I 'reward' myself by talking with others). 

This has sort of derailed into how I try to do my work and 'ground' myself. It works most of the time 

I would think without the ability to look at myself critically, I will remain the same person I was yesterday, but I'm all about the bettering of self so I always try to understand myself wholly - warts and all. It doesn't make me hate myself, it just serves to make myself more awesome. After all, how can I expect people to love me for who I am if I don't love myself?

For me personally, I think it had to do with how hard it is for an ENFP to relate to other personalities. Other personalities tend to not understand the ENFP intellect. We are kinda unique in how our minds operate - very abstract at times and the S and Js find it hard to relate. Personally, when I was younger, I internalized all of the criticism and felt stupid and worthless. My father is a textbook ESTJ and was extremely critical of me and my ENFP ways. Furthermore, I wanted nothing more than my father's acceptance - for him to be proud of me. This conflict did a huge number on my self-esteem and self-image, and it wasn't until later on in life when I learned to operate independently rather than how others viewed me that my self-esteem began to recover and I was able to look at myself and say, wow! I really am intelligent and good looking.

The double-edge sword of ENFPness is that we sometimes value too much on how others feel about us. In a positive scenario, this can do wonders for us, motivate us and inspire us, but under negative circumstances, it leaves us feeling like an empty husk, devalued and ashamed. One of the greatest challenges for an ENFP is to become truly autonomous. We value our autonomy greatly, yet tend to rely too much on others perceptions of us.

Interesting OP and a 5/5 thread! I've been regarded as highly intelligent by my peers since secondary schools, however, the more I think on it now the more sure I am that they were admiring my Ei. I've been gifted with the ability to take in vast amounts of information (if I want to) and then apply it when relevant. My understanding - though please correct me, I'm rather new to this- is that this is a gift all ENFPs have. People see this as intelligence, rather than how I assimilate information. Intelligence to me is how the knowledge is used - we all hoard it, but to what end?

I believe I can achieve a lot in my life, that I can be a real instrument of change. I've watched people spark from me and know I've a modicum of charisma, I intend to spend this summer nurturing that spark into a furnace - my aim is to found a series of homeless shelters in Scotland. It strikes me as ridiculous that there are people in the streets without a home to call their own yet residential buildings lie vacant. It's not necessary! We HAVE the means.

I am confronted with physical revulsion when I consider using my knowledge for self-interest. I imagine if we go 'Dark' we go very dark! I believe I'm capable of manipulation - I imagine most ENFPs are due to them filing away every nibble of info about people they get their ears on, oh and I remember more or less everything I'm told when I'm pissed MUAHAHA - but don't choose to. It's one of the few times I get extremely hostile, I ain't got time for 'playaz'.

I see myself as me but also more than me, I am the construction of my dreams too. I've always viewed myself as bigger than myself. I remember frustrating an ex when I was 16, she was complaining I didn't spend enough time with her I replied "I don't belong to you, or anyone else; not even me. I belong to the world." I have *ahem* mellowed slightly but I think that's still the crux of it. To answer your question Freeekyyy, yes I would say I'm egotistic, and arrogant to boot! I'm OK with this, I think it helps me believe I actually CAN do what I dream to. Regardless I live by my ideals, I help out those around me as much as I'm able, I'm loyal and I'm friendly - I can't think of traits I'd want more.

Egotistical maybe yes. But we just have so much fun being us. With regard to intelligence, that depends on the person no matter what type they are. If you want my honest opinions, ENFPs are extremely sharp and so confident about it that they don't feel the need to act intellectually superior to others.

Posted By freeeekyyy on 20 Mar 2011 12:34 PM

If it seems too vague a statement, what I mean to say is this. Of many of the ENFPs I've known, they let others' opinions of them have much more weight than they should be allowed to have. An ENFP gets called smart and suddenly they think they're the greatest thing on earth. Or they get called stupid or worthless and they fall for that too.

I can reeeeeally relate to this. It's one thing I'm working on changing about my personality - the ability to allow others to control my mood. The best way I can describe this trait is to say it's like water - it reminds me of this:

Nothing in the world is more flexible and yielding than water. Yet when it attacks the firm and the strong, none can withstand it, because they have no way to change it. So the flexible overcome the adamant, the yielding overcome the forceful. Everyone knows this, but no one can do it. — Lao Tzu, Chinese philosopher, 600-531 BC

I think ENFPs have this flexibility, this ability to adapt and be spontaneous, because we are constantly winging it - we go with the pattern, the overall, not the specific, not the definite. It's almost like a defense mechanism. But we also take on other people's emotions, thoughts and feelings - like an aspirin dissolved in water. It clouds our own judgement. Maintaining a mental distance is probably only ever going to be achieved for the ENFP with physical distance, OR the strengthening of logic and judgement.

Does anyone agree?

hmmm..i have fairly low self esteem so its interesting you say that...i often need others complimets to feel good about myself, so maybe we appear a bit compliment-hungy.