You hit on it Charlie, that question right there is the main reason why I set up these forums. I met way to many older self-destructive ENFPs in business.

Let me give general advice:

1. Stay physically fit. Unfortunately people equate looks and physical beauty with competence and value. This helps with opposite sex and with work too. People will listen more to what you have to say if you are thin. I didn't make up the rules. It is the way it is.

2. Do charity and keep yourself busy. Don't be a party animal, always have several projects you are working on. Have two nights a week you do stuff and the rest, working on projects and education. Sunday-Wed nights I work on my projects. Thursday and some Weds I network. Friday and Sat are date nights. Have something bigger then yourself that you work on. Charity is a good step and fits in with the values of ENFPs. Also this stops you from being board... with our big "P" fucntion. My ENTP roommate tells me: "we Ps should have 4 projects a day we work on. Work on each for 40 minutes or so."

Last year I was President of this group: http://www.familyplace.org/Page.aspx?pid=347
and am active with this one too: http://www.dallasheartball.com/

Every ENFP should have a charity with whom they work.

3. Work for your self or work with other Ns who have 100% integrity. If you are a bright ENFP you can figure out anything and if you don't have respect for your superiors it will never work. I have to either work for myself or work for brilliant NTs

4. Have mentors. I have several and two main ENTP mentors that are 30 years older then me. What advice they give you will be priceless. If someone seems really wise and successful come to them with respect and humility asking if you can buy them coffee and ask advice.

5. Always keep your integrity and never sell out, unless you are starving. Meaning don't do something for money that is wrong unless you have to eat. Other then that NEVER sell out.

6. Be careful not to gossip when under pressure and know when you speak the walls have ears.

7. Don't be afraid to take risks and make mistakes. Wise business men and women wear there failures like a badge of honor. Also expect to be cheated, stabbed in the back and stolen from. It is not a matter of if/when but how much.

I'll think of more later.

8. Don't get in a relationship unless you are financial secure. Don't date if you are broke. You will end up divorced if someone does not contribute enough financial.

9. Take a lot of time between serous relationships. Realize why your last one failed and make sure that you are not getting into a relationship because you need someone. Also make sure you have found the problem and corrected it before you jump back in. SO many people get into a relationship with out realizing why they screwed up the last one. You see this all the time with Sensors.

--Sits and drinks in your wisdom-- Thank you. If you think of anything else, please let me know! Spill the contents of your brain! let that Ne work!

I totally agree with sbalbom and will give insight as to what happened to an ENFP who wandered away from these points and how I got back on track. I think most of the points aboce appear in my story. I am a little older than you are: I turn 40 later this year, though I still feel 30 physically (mentally I think I feel older). So older is relative. I am hoping an even more experienced ENFP can give us more!!

I was doing consulting work in a very intuitive unfriendly environment. It was stimulating because I was doing different things all the time with interesting people in different countries all over the world. I really loved that. But the downside was that it was incredibly demanding (my time, my physical location, my energy) because everything was about the here, the now, the financial performance, what is (the what could be did not feature), my utilisation, how much money we made (not the difference we made). I had not time left for other things. There was no softness, no personal developent and the expectations were high. I was quite literally flying across the planet at a moment's notice and was slowly wearing myself out. I had no time to invest in others (friends, family) or myself. I had no time to focus on my values and because the work was stimulating I was not aware of it. My day would start at 6 and focus around work until 7pm and then I would have dinner with colleagues- we were all staying in hotels and this was great fun (no need to clean, dinner and drinks with friends etc). That extremely stimulating aspect of the job was hiding the reality from me. I had stopped developing the other aspects of my life. That all came to a grinding halt when I got a pinched nerve and spent 4 months flat on my back on strong pain medication. It changed my life. I was forced to face my reality. I had focused on too few things in my life. The strong stimulation I had received from my job was masking the fact that the rest of my life was not developed. I realised that it is important to keep your focus broad (which to most would be a total contradiction in terms).

Two and a half years later a few things have changed (and it is still a process): I now work to live, I do not live to work. In practice this means i now choose NOT to travel 5 days a week or spend a month in another country. This translates to me having made a conscious decision to be less career focused (consultants who do not travel are few and fr between). So this has come at some financial sacrifice but the price I was paying in personal currency was too dear. This agreement withmyself allows me to balance my life the way I want to. I needed to get back into the shape I had always had and so I have focused on getting my physical condition sorted out- yoga was good for the back and shoulder and the side-effect of the yoga is that it is good for the mind. I do 3-4 90 minut classes a week. I can also spend time on things that I believe in. I think all ENFPs have a need to spend time on this. So I use my business skills to help a specific group of NGOs do certain processes more eficiently. I have time to spend with my friends and to go out make new ones. I get to help strangers (e.g. lost tourists are lucky if they encounter me). My friends have commented I am no longer stressed/unpleasant like I had become. Even I am aware of that!

It took a HUGE amount of self-honesty to admit to myself that chasing the traditional goals of line management and / or project/programme management did not really do it for me. I enjoy being a specialist and I am good at it. It does not have status and salary that the line managers have, but if I look at their lives and then I look at mine, I am happy that I have been able to get to the point where I am to have made the choice that I have. I just regret the physical price I had to pay. At work, I am probably the only MBA graduate who wears a thumb ring instead of a tie, but I really don't care. I like it, it is me and if the rest of the people think it is strange then tough shit to them; the problem is in their head, not mine. If I chaged it I would not be who I am and I would veer off the path that I have learned i need to follow. I know that my different view is valued, my creativity and enthusiasm inspire others. My life is now getting back to the balance that I lost a few years back.

One interesting thing is that the MBTI topic came up while I was trying to determine into which direction my career should develop. A friend suggested I do the MBTI type two (or is that level two?) test as that would help me understand how I (and others) interact with people (E-I), gather information (N-S), make decisions (F-T) and act on those decision (P-J). The insight I got was really huge and provided me with an understanding of myself, my interactions with others and to a certain degree, an understanding of those others as well.

A few more things to add:
Take time to reflect. the more E you are the harder this can be. I ony started to do this when I started yoga: the meditation is very inspiring to me and allows me to think further. I definitely attribute that as a factor in my journey.
ENFPs like to try new things. Some things we liek and other things we do not. If you enter a new stage of your life, do not be afraid to try things that you had trid before but did not like. I had always been emotionally attracted to yoga but absolutely hated it. I tried it again after my back and found the inspiration to continue with it. And now I cannot imagine my life without it.
Do not spread yourself too thin. The enthusiasm to try new things, meet new people and spend time with those people can, at times, come at a cost for the people you already know. This balance is an extension of the broad focus I mentioned earlier.
Your work environment affects you. I am not sure if ENFPs are more sensitive to this, but I spent 4 months this year in a ISTJ dominated environment and was not happy. Other (very pleasant) colleagues did not mind this as much as I did. I now work with a boss who understands how I work, what motivates me and he manages me accordingly.
Remember that ENFP is only a preference - we are not bound to it. We can act out of our preference and the older we get the more interest we tend to develop.

Posted By Charlie on 06 Oct 2009 11:15 AM

I heard someone on here refer to a twenty-two year old ENFP as a "baby". I am in my early twenties, and although I consider myself to act a lot older than I am because of some heavy circumstances, I would like to know some advice that you know now, that you wish you knew when  you were yooooounnge (Cue Brandon Flowers/ The Killers and break into song.)  What should I know guys?  Impart your life wisdom!  Give it to me!

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charlie,

Here's my advice as an ENFP (that just turned 47 today) - if you're dealing with or already have dealt with "heavy circumstances", get some help to fully and completely deal with that stuff before you get to my age.  I only started counseling earlier this year.  If I had started in my 20s, I would be in so much better mental/emotional shape than I am now.  

I'm just now dealing with the abuse, neglect, etc. that my mom started dishing out when I was three (can't remember before that age, at this point). I carried that into all of my relationships (dating, friends, marriage) to the detriment of the relationship &/or more of my mental/emotional health.

Find a counselor that does imagery and not just "talk therapy".  And truly gets MB and that you're an ENFP.  I gotta say, I love my counselor.  She's awesome and has been so helpful in my late-start healing.

Be TRUE to yourself and your needs as an ENFP.  Find work that you love. I've had many jobs in my life.  And I can honestly say, I've only ever truly loved one job (besides being a mommy) because it allowed me to be all the best parts of me.

 

Whoo boy! This is a big one. I am 42. A little older. I must say, I feel like I screwed up a good healthy portion of my life that is often one of unusual investment in oneself and growth, the period from age 20 to age 35. I followed my father's dream (which felt like mine b/c I was so darn interested in learning and I liked the idea of helping people) and became an eye surgeon. It took some pretty rough experiences (and, in all fairness, much rougher on the patients that went through poor surgical outcomes than on me) to get away from that. I am sorry for them and apologize.

After that, I have spent some time chasing money and status. Not very satisfying. I have found that the jobs I have found absolutely most satisfying were in non-profit realms -- working in a free clinic, and doing volunteer ESL teaching. Non-profits seem to attract pleasantly low-key people. I also really enjoy teaching, especially the feeling that I am helping people get where they want to go in life. If I could say one thing about career choice, it's that it's darn tough to "know" what you want to do by just thinking about it. I finally just made a list and started at the top. I found the only real way to see if I liked something was to do it for a while.

In relationships, I agree with a post by Alyssaria that the #1 risk for ENFP is lack of communication. If you can address that, you'll be way ahead of the game and maybe avoid a divorce. I was married from age 22 to age 26.

Authenticity also seems to be super-important. Don't lie no matter what. It will kind of suck in the short run as you don't get some of the things you think you want, but in the long run serve you very, very well... as you don't get some of the things you think you want. They're not for you. OUCH! I bullshitted my way into medical school and into a bunch of women's pants, and it had two negative effects: 1) wasted a lot of my time; 2) changed my persona in negative ways; and (oh, I forgot, how incredibly self-centered of me -- which I am, unfortunately, like ? most of us) 3) it hurt a lot of other people.