Okay, crypt. I'll post more on here. ;p

What, exactly, does it mean to have good social skills?

What does it mean to be socially inept?

Whose criteria is used to judge this?

What are some social skills, tactics/strageties you have noticed or developed in yourself or others?  What makes these work and in what context would they best be applied?

Okay, crypt. I'll post more on here. ;p

Welcome back

What, exactly, does it mean to have good social skills?

You can understand what people are attempting to communicate. You can understand their intentions. You can react positively to their actions even if their intentions are negative or don't come out right. You can subdue conflict and get productive results. You can work with people and get them to understand your intentions. You can get them to want to do things by making them feel a certain way. You can understand peoples fears and wants and address them. You react in away around them that makes them happy. You can engage them into a process. You understand what upsets people and not do what upsets them. Or upset them in such a way that it leads them to do what is productive. You know how to start building report and trust with people, quickly.

What does it mean to be socially inept?

The inverse of above stated

Whose criteria is used to judge this?

There is little that is objective about this measurement it is mostly subjective. Say I meet a new fellow at a networking event for business. Do I want to charm him and make him my new best friend. Just because I can doesn't mean I should. The subjectivity of this is why Ts have a heard time understanding social skills and ques.

What are some social skills, tactics/strategies you have noticed or developed in yourself or others? What makes these work and in what context would they best be applied?

This is to much for me to get into... If I could recommend a start is is Listening and relevant questions about what people are passionate about. That is a good start.

*cocks head to the side*

*blinks*

that was you? I remember the brief little discussion on mental disorders, way back, and wondering who you were and why you acted like you knew me... but reading back on it, I'm kicking myself for not realizing it . I just assumed you were someone I talked to at some point and couldn't remember, from IRC or something.

Treat this one well, guys... she could probably make most people keel over with her brain, but is an exceptionally wonderful person .

And I'm glad you actually came/were here... you guys'd all prob'ly do each other some good.

Well, I must say, I often feel I am rather horrendous at social skills. I warm up to lots of people and engage them, but I'm awkward at then disengaging and moving on -- not infrequently I'm only somewhat interested, kind of like someone mingling at a cocktail party. Also... well, I can annoy other people by not being reserved or serious enough, and I realize it but don't feel like limiting myself. So I don't end up being as popular as I'd like to be. I feel bad about the situation -- on one hand, I'd like to be better liked, on the other, it hurts painfully to act artificial.

Does this ring true for any other ENFPs? Any comments on how you've learned to navigate socially? Saul's comments on choosing whom to charm seem helpful.