It all depends on your goals. Do you mostly want to " hook up " or do you want some quality time with someone you like and who might have some things in common with you.  If it's the former, then get lot's of advice from guys who are good at " hooking up ." If it's the latter, then just be yourself.

I don't know what i can do - i want to be friends first (that means, i don't flirt with them - ok, i will flirt with them sometimes, but only if it is clear that it is a joke - i hope this doesn't get across as actual flirting)

Even then, i still don't know what girls perceive as "attractive". It never seems to make any difference what i wear, or how much i shower, or what i say, or my posture, or eye contact, or ... well. You know, everything. Guys i have tried EVERY tiny little bit of stuff i have seen in the internet, but it doesn't seem to work on me. No seduction tactic works. No amount of work i put into looking my best works. No amount of improving my life has an effect at all. No amount of building character strength has an impact. Nothing works.

I always get the same reactions. That is why i stopped looking for a relationship at all. If i cannot get a meaningful relationship with a girl i love and that loves me too, then i at least i want to have some fun without developing feelings - i flirt as a joke, just to have some fun. I don't know if girls understand that. I hope they don't think i am creepy or something. I mean, through having some fun i can get to know her and spend time with her. And maybe, just maybe she likes me back. That would be awesome.

I hope, that one day i will find a nice girl who at least cares about herself and her body, and she actually likes me the same way as i do love her. It might be nice if she was smart too. I mean, you can talk to her about scientific subjects or art or stuff and she doesn't look at you like you are a freak.

But i DO have feelings. Is this why i don't have success with girls? Do they want a guy who has a heart of stone? I don't know what to do.

Why do i get to know girls who have a boyfriend easily but girls who don't have one are "hostile"?

Do i need to become a seduction robot without any feelings to become attractive?

Do i need to flirt with girls by chance so that if i find out that they are great people they are interested in me and don't forget me? Do i need to flirt with girls whom i want to be my friends so that they won't forget me?

BigJoeTX, yes, I used to be the Tin Man, now I have a heart Somehow I wonder if that makes me less attractive to ENFP guys because I am a softened NT woman. Oh well. I'm here to help!

I am wondering if you have consistently tested ENFP or could you actually be an INFP? The reason is INFPs have Fi as their 1st function and they are the most Idealistic of all 16 types, extremely sensitive, AND don’t necessarily express them. The fact that being friends first is so important to you makes me think you are INFP, because ENFPs would have Ne as their 1st function. They trust their intuition way more and go after the girl much faster.

However, there are days when I really NEED to go out and karaoke, as an outlet of my emotions. Singing makes me feel connected to people without being in a relationship. I always go home happy. I’m not that good, but I still feel confident when I sing my heart out. In those moments, I feel radiant.

What makes you radiant? I hope you do it as much as possible

I actually went through the exact opposite!  ... so I became a lot more blunt.

I hear ya, it is a sign of maturity. As you gain experience (at work in your case, in relationships for me), you start developing the "weaker" functions (Te for you, Fi for me), so you become more balanced, and can cope better in life's many situations.

I usually know within a couple of minutes if a girl likes me or not so I don't spend months trying to figure it out only to get rejected.

Thanks, I love being appreciated for my use of words  ENFPs pretty much radiate sunshine and rainbows, sometimes even from your arse!

BigJoeTX, yes, I used to be the Tin Man, now I have a heart Somehow I wonder if that makes me less attractive to ENFP guys because I am a softened NT woman. Oh well. I'm here to help!

Jan,

I totally and completely identify with what you're experiencing. Recently, I've been starting to feel the same way. Like, exactly the same.

Two things that help 1) Work out, which is exactly what you're doing, and 2) make a conscious effort to really be myself. At home, with friends, at work, no apologies for being unabashedly me (within reason, of course ) Nothing puts me at ease faster than being comfortable in my own skin. The next step? Just being myself around females. Eventually you will meet a beautiful girl who becomes fascinated with you, understands you, and who falls in love with you. You will fall for her too, of course, and then the rest is a fairy tale!

edit: Also started to write. Sometimes journaling, sometimes short story.  Helps clear my head.

Posted By TheJan on 24 Aug 2011 03:44 AM
 

Right now i am working on getting some inches onto my height - i started yesterday. I have had it on some occasions that girls liked me, but then we stood up and they said "Oh you are so small." And nothing then - their interest took a huge blow. On the weekend i am going out again - and i will get this straight until then. 

 The things i am doing is standing up straight and hold high the chin - then i am 165-170cm high - if i slouch i am only 160cm. I put some gel into my hair and i become 170-175cm. (Thank god there is hairgel). Then i stand a bit on my toes and voila - i seem to be 175cm high. This is without shoes, but i usually like to wear chucks or "normal shoes", adding 1cm maybe. 
My height is one of those things that hold me back. I am a strong, smart, funny and likable guy. I make myself look bigger and i win. It is nothing to be ashamed of really - in nature a lot of animals do this - Lions put on their big mane to appear bigger, and birds puff out their chest to impress the girls. Next time i walk into a party i am going to spread my arms wide - like a peacock spreading the fan. At least it will be funny, and since not a lot of guys do this at least people will remember me.

By the way, a lot of stuff animals do to impress the female part of the species is stuff that is dangerous to them - a peacock spreading its fan is very visible to predators, and also it cannot run away quickly. Some birds stand in the air with lots and lots and lots of air strokes in front of their desired partner - this shows how strong they are as this is very heavy work for them.

mate instead of working on your height, just work on being happy with your height. You're height is NOT holding you back from anything, that is a limiting belief that you need to get rid of!!

Nothing says confidence more than a shorter guy walking around with a hot, tall girl!! Its just a mental block, its not a physical issue. If someone says something like "oh you're so small" just roll with it and come out with a smart-ass comment. Since this has come up more than once, come up with a few zingers and keep them in the vault ready for the next time that comment is made. The interest disappeared not because you are short, but because your reaction to their comment showed that you really werent the confident guy they thought you were. Show you really ARE that confident guy!

All you need is to make sure you have a good posture (ie head up, back straight, shoulders back) and move with confidence and purpose. Own the space around you.

An xNFP is in a really lucky position, once those inner demons are worked out it means you can just be yourself and you will be attractive. For an xNFP is just all about getting to a position where you feel free to show your true self to the world. Its taken me a long, long, long time to realise this, and i am still working on some of these kinds of issues myself but i am slowly getting there.

Ok thanks. So you think i should just see it as a compliment if someone comments on my height? I think i just have an answer ready.
Like:
"Oh you are so small."
"Thanks for the compliment. I like you too."

  Posture is very important i know. I work on my posture everyday and now because i know what to say about my height, my height is actually a cool thing. Because my height is how it is, i can make cool comebacks 

Smashing thread! Most of the really good advice has been given already, but I shall do my upmost!

I've just come out of a personal revolution (he says listeneing to La Marseillaise, muahaha) and am reaping the dividends. I've traveled for most my life (my parents are academics so it was Uni to Uni) and now looking back on my experiences I've come to realise something: people are crazy. No matter how 'normal' someone seems they have their foibles and quirks. I've spent the better part of the last decade trying to fit in, no more of that!

I consider myself quite mad -in the nicest possible way, of course- and I used to hold back my pure unadulterated randomness when meeting people. When I realised that they were just as mad as I, in their own way, I thought "Why have I been doing that?", so I stopped pandering. Quite surprisingly it turns out people like me for who I am; I find it strange now that I ever doubted that.

About two years ago I had an experience with magic mushrooms (Sent my Ne into hyperdrive!) that catalysed all this. I believed myself dead (first mind fcuk of that evening as I'm an atheist) and so had to 'deal' with everything I've ever done and answer the question "Have I had a good life?" to which I answered after scrolling back through the years, "yes".

That night I ripped my life to peices in my mind and I found Me. Since then I've been putting myself back together in the image I saw, my 'true self', and I am damn pleased with the outcome!

I'm 21, smart, funny, play instruments, manage two bands, am four semesters away from completing my MA in History and English and have an interview next wednesday for a position as a trainee events manager (which will be my first job, and one I think I'll get); I've decided that I'm 'going places' and that I'm going as myself.

Like you I'm looking for that special someone; I haven't found her, I have no doubt I will though. Maybe she'll pop out of thin air one day and it'll just work, maybe she'll spot the sunshine and rainbows radiating from my ass and ask me for coffee - I don't know, and I don't want to.

My advice to you is three-fold: discover who you are, figure out where you're going and always be yourself.

She will see you and she will love you for who you are.

Good luck, and of course, Vive la Revolución!