I'm an INTJ who has been dating an ENFP for about a month online. We talk on the phone or IM almost daily. She seems great. Exchanged pics etc. We are going to meet in person in 2 weeks. Everything seems to be going well. But then I started to read up on ENFPs and found out they can be big flirts, go out of their way not to hurt someone's feelings etc.

So I went "digging" a bit, and got her on the subject of flirting. She agreed that she is a MAJOR flirt. My first reaction was *Gulp* Maybe I'm just getting played?  I thought...wtf...I'll just be direct...so unlike an INTJ, LOL. I asked her how one would know if she is really interested or just flirting? Immediately she said that she likes flirting with me, because she IS interested. Should I believe that, or would that be a typical ENFP response of not wanting to hurt my feelings? Lastly what are some positive signs that she really does like me? She has told me that she feels very comfortable with me, and that doesn't always happen. She also said that she feels she can "open up" with me and show at least some of her emotions. I think those are both good signs. Anything else.

Thanks for your input!

From what you are saying then is that ENFPs cane be flirty, but won't say they are interested unless they are? However they can get disinterested just as quickly as they fell for you? I thought they were supposed to be one of the loyal types? UGH.  How would an ENFP react if someone (INTJ) just asked a direct question of what the ENFP was feeling? Would that scare the ENFP off?

As an INTJ I'm selective to say the least. I usually can tell on the first date, or a few emails, calls etc, whether I want to pursue someone. This woman has knocked my socks off! And when that happens to an INTJ it makes our heads spin!

I've been contacting her once a day, although she is on my mind ALOT. (She sometimes contacts me first) If I texted her a few times throughout the day to see how she is would that be too much for an ENFP?

Thanks.

Posted By clarion4 on 10 Mar 2011 07:30 AM

From what you are saying then is that ENFPs cane be flirty, but won't say they are interested unless they are? However they can get disinterested just as quickly as they fell for you? I thought they were supposed to be one of the loyal types? UGH.  How would an ENFP react if someone (INTJ) just asked a direct question of what the ENFP was feeling? Would that scare the ENFP off?

As an INTJ I'm selective to say the least. I usually can tell on the first date, or a few emails, calls etc, whether I want to pursue someone. This woman has knocked my socks off! And when that happens to an INTJ it makes our heads spin!

I've been contacting her once a day, although she is on my mind ALOT. (She sometimes contacts me first) If I texted her a few times throughout the day to see how she is would that be too much for an ENFP?

Thanks.

 

I lose interest quickly if I wasn't really that interested in the first place.  It wouldn't scare me away if someone asked me dirctly if I was nterested in them.   I think I have enough finese to answer the question truthfully -- no matter what the answer is.  If someone asks that question in the first place,something must have made them think the answer was yes.  So, that would mean I at least like them.   I'd probably never ask the question though.  I'd be too scared of the humilation.  

Personally, I LIKE taking and communicating with people, so the frequnt texting would be very good.   And a good way to get to know each other better.

I'd say ENFPs tend to be very honest with themselves and others. Quitting jobs/relationships is a sometimes-painful result of that honesty. If it doesn't feel right or match up with our inner values we're almost incapable of pursuing it further. (At least this is true of me personally. I work exceedingly hard on the projects I'm passionate about but have experienced a physical sensation of revulsion at jobs that I took for the money but that didn't jive with how I saw the world, and usually quit these jobs swiftly) Same in relationships, if it feels off then I feel it's dishonest to stay and "fake it." So to answer your question I don't think emotional fakery is something most ENFPs engage in, though because they're often enthusiastic and charming towards most people around them it sometimes comes off as insincerity; it's generally not.

But Clarion don't let this make you think that she'll dump you or suddenly change her mind. We have mood swings and are easily bored, yes, but we're genuinely interested in people and like them, and it sounds like she's genuinely interested in her. Just put fear aside for the time being and give her a chance.

 EDIT:

Should read:

"it sounds like she's genuinely interested in you."

I think ENFPs like talking to people. Calling that "flirting" or "attention seeking" is the same as calling a quiet INTJ "rude".

AnnaK, point well taken. But remember that INTJs aren't very good at the whole "social" aspect of dating. We don't always understand the games of dating. I for one wouldn't flirt, just for the sake of flirting. I would only do so if I had an interest in someone.

Hence I was trying to figure out the line of, when an ENFP is just being their normal flirty self, and when they actually have some interest. From reading the posts, it seems that you guys/girls are outgoing, and flirty. But if you say that if you have interest, then you probably are being honest, and not just playing someone.

Just as a quick update...things are going very well with this woman. We've been communicating everyday now, sometimes for hours. I'm feeling more comfortable about the whole thing. She's very intuitive. Must have picked up on my insecurity and said, "BTW...I'm not a player. I'm looking for a relationship" We finally get to meet in 2 weeks. Now my INTJ brain is analyzing that whole thing, especially since she is super "hot" and I'm average or a little above. But we have exchanged pics and I think the attraction for her is that I'm self confident, witty and driven.  Can INTJs ever turn our brains off?