As you all know, many sources cite ENFPs as being an INTJ's best match, but the experiences I have read detailing this dynamic most often include a male INTJ and a female ENFP.  (Granted, this is probably due in large part to the prevalence of male INTJs and female ENFPs)  I can definitely see that working, as you have the typical "strong, silent" man paired with the more "emotional, outgoing" woman, but does this work in reverse?

I don't want to ask "Can it work?", because I understand that any pairing can potentially work if both individuals are mature and that type doesn't determine compatibility.  Does anyone have experience with a relationship between an INTJ female and an ENFP male though?  I haven't actually gotten the opportunity to meet an ENFP male in person I don't think so I need some info.

Yes I do. I'm currently in a very happy relationship with my wonderful ENFP I've dated ENFPs too, before I found 'the one', it seemed that I was automatically attracted to them, they're like catnip to us with their enthusiasm, warmth, boyish charm and great sense of humor. I'm not super introverted and in my work I have to be well tuned into my emotions, so I do not fit the stereotype of the cold, distant INTJ. 

I feel that I can be myself with my ENFP, that he sees the true me, as well as appreciates my strengths and tolerates my weaknesses. I have to say I think it's helped a great deal that we both know quite a bit about MBTI when we need to build bridges between each other if we have a misunderstanding or we have different needs. I do find it challenging that I'm naturally quite confrontational, but have to be a bit careful with that, as I hurt my ENFP easily and he's slower to calm down after an argument than myself. I have to choose my battles so to speak. I think I'm showing him that it's okay to say what you mean without me getting hurt and that he feels that he can be honest. He's been afraid to hurt people, but I crave the truth even if it hurts so it's easier for him to say what he means now I think.

We can Ni/Ne together for hours and hours and have even invented a term for when we disappear into the time vortex together, surprised hours later to see that the evening has passed yet again and we've only been talking about random stuff. I love it He gives me space when I need it, and I give him space when he needs it, we're both very strong personalities and respect each other's time and the need for personal time too. He often says that he loves that I have a life with my own hobbies and interests.

I can also see that my J is conflicting with his P. Not so much for planning what to do, but in the house with my standards of tidiness and cleanliness conflicting a bit with his need for a more relaxed surrounding. We do a lot of our housework together (I normally initiate, but he's always willing to participate,) and I've told him about my pet peeves which he is respectful of. I'm very happy that I can plan the shit out of stuff that needs to get done, and break the news last minute to him, which makes him happy because he doesn't have to part take in the details and just go along.

I love that he's got an easy going attitude and he's always positive, even when he finds himself chest deep in snow, unable to get back to solid ground by himself  (His fault for not listening to his INTJ of course, but still, we were laughing our asses off after the rescue operation was completed and he was back on his feet.)

I have been married to an ISTJ which was no success, I was also in a relationship with an INFP which was okay but his I annoyed me a lot. But I'm very happy in my relationship now and I give two thumbs up to this wonderful pairing of female INTJ & male ENFP!! 

The need for keeping things tidy definitely comes and goes in waves, I think it may have something to do with me being raised by my double ESTJ parents combo

I don't want to ask "Can it work?", because I understand that any pairing can potentially work if both individuals are mature and that type doesn't determine compatibility. Does anyone have experience with a relationship between an INTJ female and an ENFP male though? I haven't actually gotten the opportunity to meet an ENFP male in person I don't think so I need some info.

I was in a relationship with an ENFP but I suspect his true type is different because he didn't really act like a typical ENFP.

Regardless, I've really become a fan of the MBTI Theory of Relativity. For instance, I'm a pretty solid INTJ. My lowest preference is like... 40, so even an INTJ can seem like an ENFP to me if they're a lot more moderate. This is probably why my best guy friend and I get along so well. He's an INTJ but his preferences were all under 40 (except maybe the N, I think). He feels feely to me, pun intended.

As I'm sure you've heard, I think a lot depends on the individual, but I believe that the Female INTJ -- Male ENFP (or soft-INTJ) relationship can work.

Posted By LittlexLady on 22 Mar 2011 02:07 PM
Thanks for the welcome and input. I, like you, am introverted but not extremely so and consider myself quite in touch with my emotions. I'm not tidy at all though. Sure, I don't want things to be a wreck or anything, but spotless has never been how I would describe my surroundings.

Any other takers? Any theoretical pluses/minuses to this pairing?

Yes, well i was in a relationship with an intj woman.  As mentioned in another post, i adored this woman but she had alot of immature emotions related to being secure with men. In her defense, she was sexually abused as a teen, her dad had and affair on the mom when she was an older teen and her only marriage seemed rocky and she claimed that her husband ignored her sexually.   However, despite the breakup and not being with her i would do it all over again under the following hopes/conditions.  One: i would have to have an intj partner that knew about their personality type and was willing to admit to their part of the equation. 

Two,  i would have to know her real well before i slept with her because with my intj that's when she changed into a very insecure, controlling intj.  Before that she was so verbally, and physically emotionally connected to me.  Once the sex started, all hell broke loose.  Not sure if other intj's experience themselves as more insecure once sex starts or if it was just becausee of her sexual abuse in the past? 

so i would do it again but with some learing under my belt things would have to be talked out and i would have to wait longer to really know her before i was intimate.

hope that helps!

Posted By Reddkatz on 19 May 2011 12:35 PM
I am very good friends with a really really hot ENFP. He is the only one so far that can manipulate me into my natural submissive nature to do things. He got me to drink last night, which I never do and actually get a little drunk.

On top of that I am very attracted to him. It doesn't help that he's married. However; not to be a home wrecker since they are splitting up. I am pondering on whether to take a chance on him now or wait and see if he develops that silly phase of jumping around other women since he is going to be a single man of nearly 7 years. He knows fully well that I am attracted to him; but he is going through a lot with his wife so I do my best of helping him be as level headed as possible. My ability to care deeply for him is a great defense mechanism from letting my heart go which when I do let it go I fall fast and quickly in love.

Red,  may i make a recommendation for your own comfort level.  My breakup with my intj gf (see below post)  was complicated by the fact that she seduced me when i was separated.  I was out of my ex's house for 1.5 years and things were taking long to get finallized because of money issues.  She knew the whole situation and decided to throw herself in (i'm sure she felt some of the same feelings as you in the beginning).  however, after being intimate with her everything changed. It was like she was overwhelmed with guilt on one hand and then on the other she was afraid that i would leave her after the divorce was final. (she never said it but i'm very intuitive and just knew how she was feeling.)  Despite me doing everything in my power to prove my love to her she could not accept it. 
 

i would say knowing the intj traits now that for your own protection so you feel good about YOU, do not become intimate with him until he's divorced officially. For me i would have been happy to date and not have sex until i was divorced if i knew it would have made her feel more secure.  Somehow in her mind she looked at doing this with me as having an affair and she could not live with that.  I was not persuading her, she was drawing me in and seduced me and the short term pleasure of me not fighting her invitation/advances will never outway the pain of losing her because she didn't feel good about her self to continue being with me after divorce. 

please consider....