Guys: Friendship is friendship. How about approaching it as such and not as a potential mate? It's kind of selfish and manipulative to make friends with a girl for the sake of eventually bridging into a relationship, and it will only make you bitter and unhappy if nothing ever happens. I say "relax" because if you are in a friendship, if things are going to happen, they'll happen....but you should never have expectations of a friendship. If you like a girl, flirt with her. You can be friendly with a girl and court her, but being friends with her is not courtship.

It's kind of selfish and manipulative to make friends with a girl for the sake of eventually bridging into a relationship,

No that's dumb. Selfish would be if you become friends with a person you know is attracted to you, then manipulate this person into thinking they can expect more of it, then withdrawing to make them want you more and meanwhile reap all the benefits. Not to say any sane person would go with this. If someone tried something like this on me... i would RUN RUN RUN AAAAAAAH!

Posted By alysaria on 01 Sep 2011 09:55 AM
Guys: Friendship is friendship. How about approaching it as such and not as a potential mate? It's kind of selfish and manipulative to make friends with a girl for the sake of eventually bridging into a relationship, and it will only make you bitter and unhappy if nothing ever happens. I say "relax" because if you are in a friendship, if things are going to happen, they'll happen....but you should never have expectations of a friendship. If you like a girl, flirt with her. You can be friendly with a girl and court her, but being friends with her is not courtship.

In theory I agree with you. Any relationship has it's own dynamics. Friendships, "friendships", colleagues, acquaintances, etc. all have the same fundamental principles that define how people act towards one another. They all have to do with how we relate to one another. Unfortunately I have found that most people don't recognize this, and they go along with the social norm of having to do courtship with women if they want to be in a relationship. This is more of a subconscious idea to most people. Now that leads to an open question to those of us who think on our own. What does that mean for us? Does the same apply to us or do we have a special paradigm for ourselves? That's a question I don't know the answer to just yet. Though I don't disagree with you on some level, on another level I do. Some girls are expecting a man to approach them and sweep them off their feet. And that's fine. And yes a friendship develops first always. I think the distinction is that healthy relationships start with "hey this guy/girl is really cool. I want to get to know him/her better, and who knows what will happen next?" while bad relationships start with "I need this guy/girl in my life." If it starts with the idea of a relationship eventually, there is no disrespect. If it begins with the expectation, there is.

I'm just saying that befriending a girl as a "back-door" to a relationship is a terrible idea that will not likely come to pass. If you're interested, don't act like all you want is friendship and then try to convince/coerce her into it later....or hope she rebounds to you if another relationship doesn't work out. If you're fine being friends, then just be friends. But don't expect it to turn into a romantic comedy where the girl suddenly sees her best friend as the most awesome guy in the world after being with a ton of the wrong guys. There's a difference in the tone of "you're my friend" and "you're my friend.....and I want to bang you." Friends with benefits has it's own set of complications....and you can't ever go back once you cross that line.

Posted By alysaria on 01 Sep 2011 05:11 PM
I'm just saying that befriending a girl as a "back-door" to a relationship is a terrible idea that will not likely come to pass. If you're interested, don't act like all you want is friendship and then try to convince/coerce her into it later....or hope she rebounds to you if another relationship doesn't work out. If you're fine being friends, then just be friends. But don't expect it to turn into a romantic comedy where the girl suddenly sees her best friend as the most awesome guy in the world after being with a ton of the wrong guys. There's a difference in the tone of "you're my friend" and "you're my friend.....and I want to bang you." Friends with benefits has it's own set of complications....and you can't ever go back once you cross that line.

Oh, I misunderstood you.  Yes I completely agree.  If you want to date someone you should intentionally date them.  But through that, first comes a sort of friendship before you enter a romantic relationship.

 

EDIT: By that I mean it's not a romantic relationship yet, so what else can it be but a friendship.  If a romantic relationship is one with your best friend that you want to spend the rest of your life with (or at least you see that as a possibility), then what would the relationship that precludes the romantic one other than a friendship?

I'm just saying that befriending a girl as a "back-door" to a relationship is a terrible idea that will not likely come to pass. If you're interested, don't act like all you want is friendship and then try to convince/coerce her into it later....or hope she rebounds to you if another relationship doesn't work out. If you're fine being friends, then just be friends. But don't expect it to turn into a romantic comedy where the girl suddenly sees her best friend as the most awesome guy in the world after being with a ton of the wrong guys.

Now that sounds much better^^ and it's why i think doing this is dumb - you want one thing, work towards another and then wonder why said first thing is not what you get but instead you get the other. Now how did that happen, smart guy?