I am an INTJ and need help figuring out whether or not an ENFP I know is interested in me or not. Below is a list of info and recent intereaction between us...I don't know which of these might be signs of interest from her. Let me know if you have any questions. 

• We have known each other for a few years
• We are both 19 
• She is in some of the same groups as me and we see each other about twice a week
• We are friends but have not been very close and do not see each other outside of the groups we are both in
• We have not talked to each other much during the few years we have known each other, but only because I am a quite person
• Recently for the last few weeks she seems to be paying more attention to me
• We had a 10 minute or so conversation last month and I think we looked into each others eyes more than normal, but I could be wrong
• She has walked up to me a couple times to ask me questions
• She sat down next to me a while ago and mentioned that she doesn't see me as much aas she used to
• A couple weeks ago she sat down next to where I had left my books and had previously been sitting
• She doesn't talk to me a lot, but it is certainly more than she used to, she asks me more questions and once asked if I was cold
• Her parents are in the same groups as us so this could make her feel less comfortable flirting with me if she is interested
   

http://www.enfpforum.com/Home/tabid/55/afv/topic/aff/2/aft/465/afpg/1/Default.aspx

It's a pretty common story, the INTJ who doesn't understand ENFPs and overthinks the whole thing. I would suggest teasing her a little with some light flirtation....if she responds in kind, it's more likely....if she shuts down, you can at least pretend it was entirely in jest. Also, the big tell is touch. If you lightly touch her arm while talking, it will give her the opportunity to pull away and put a bit of distance if it makes her uncomfortable. >.> ENFPs are oblivious when it comes to the interest of others - if she hasn't considered a relationship with you at all, nothing will send her running faster than a sincere, unexpected declaration.

ENFPs and love are a topic all on their own... Strangers are friends, friends are best friends, best friends are treated like lovers, and lovers are ZOMG THE MOST AWESOME PERSON EVAR!!!! So....while a close friend may be treated with the kind of affection someone might show a romantic interest, seeing real romantic interest from an ENFP is both unquestionable and insanely over-the-top. >.> We're not the most subtle creatures.....

So based on my post, what do you think the chances are that she is interested? You mentioned touch, she did sit next to me touching me once, but there was nowhere else to sit so I didn't really think anything of it. You also mentioned that an ENFP might treat a close friend with affection even if they aren't interested. I would not say that we have been close friends at all. I know that the possible signs of interest I posted above are not much, but during the last 6 weeks she has paid as much attention to me as she did in the entire year previous.

Also, could you be more specific as to how I could "tease her with light flirtation?"

Joke about taking her out on a date. If she doesn't look comfortable, you can follow it up with another joke poking fun at yourself (ie: I've been looking for a chance to wear my fancy orange bellbottoms out). It's mostly about getting her to think about the possibility of going out with you if she hasn't or letting her know you're ok with the idea if she has but doesn't want to screw up the friendship. But it doesn't put pressure on her or awkwardness into the friendship because it's humor.

Ok ,thanks for the advice. But how can I tell if she is flirting with me or just being friends? Would an ENFP all of a sudden start paying more attention to an INTJ they have known for 4 years if they were only interested in them as friends?

Well....I'd look for excessive giggling/blushing, babbling, and playing with her hair as the more obvious signs. Take a look at that thread I linked in my first reply for more signs that an ENFP likes you. ENFPs are quirky. You may have said or done something that you didn't even realize and caught her attention/curiosity.

My advice would be look at the eyes. Would you agree with this, Alysaria? I've found nothing gives away NFs like the eyes. They get this big, puppy dog action going on when they like someone.

I've also heard that if someones pupils dilate it usually means they are interested.

I don't know if my pupils dilate.... If someone I like looks me in the eyes, I'll usually lower them, smile/giggle, and look back up a few times. Subtle I am not. But yes, I would agree that ENFP eyes are very speaking. We're not the best at hiding emotions, especially in the optic area. XD

I saw her this morning. I stood by her and was near her for most of the time. We made eye contact a couple times. I also helped her carry some stuff. She asked me a couple questions...nothing personal, but she could have easily asked someone else but chose to ask me. Later she sat down next to me. She also brushed up against me once, but I was kinda in her way so that might not have meant anything. She didn't talk to me much, but this is because I don't talk to anyone much and she know that.

What are your thoughts on this? Let me know if you have any specific questions about how things went.

Dude....you're WAY overanalyzing this. O.O If you don't see overt signs, she probably doesn't think of you that way. Whether it's because she's not interested or it just hasn't crossed her mind to think of you that way, I don't know.....but you don't have to sift through the haystack for a needle of proof when it comes to an ENFP. It's OBVIOUS.

I know I am overanalyzing...but I think there could be a couple other possibilities:

1. She is being more cautious and subtle because she thinks I am not interested and she doesn't want to be rejected because it would make things awkward. ( I am about as INTJ as it gets, and she may be intimidated by me...I don't know.)

2. She is uncomfortable showing her interest in public because her parents and a lot of people she knows are there. ( I have noticed that she does talk to me a lot more when we are in private...however this could be because she knows I am shy and might be more open with her when we are alone.)

Also, I don't know how much it matters, but she is very close to the middle on the third letter. Definitely an F, but she is also a thinker and can be very logical at times.

Also, now that I think about it, 4 of the 6 times we have been alone it was because she came up to me or suggested we go do something.

1. INTJs don't really intimidate ENFPs that much. The qualities that put off other types tend to amuse ENFPs more than anything. Most people see a big scary tiger....we see an oversized kitten.

2. ENFPs kind of overdo PDA. >.> It may be a little awkward to do so in front of her parents....but she'd push the limits of your discomfort to touch as much as she could get away with....and no, that's not pervy. ><

It's possible she may not know if you're interested....and if that's the case, you kind of have to let her know. Your shyness may be making you TOO subtle. It's a risk/reward thing....is it worse to risk awkwardness/possible rejection....or to just never know?

What is PDA?

I am almost certain that she does not know I am interested, but she very well could have some idea that I am. Most of the increase in the interactions between us recently have been things that she initiated. I am an introvert, so the interactions between us are way way less than they are between her and her extrovert friends, but I would estimate that they are 3-6 times what they used to be.

Public Displays of Affection

ENFPs like friends and there's no real rhyme or reason to our tangents. Interaction isn't always romantic....

Strangers are treated like friends.
Friends are treated like best friends.
Best friends are treated like lovers.
Lovers are treated like SUPER LOVERS!!!

I understand that ENFPs like friends, and it is possible that she thinks of me only as a friend, but she seems to have all of a sudden started giving me more attention. Is a sudden increase in the closeness of a friend normal for ENFPs?

That's just people. Relationships change. You may have said or done something without even realizing it that made her want to hang out with you more....or it could just be that she felt like she was neglecting you among all of her friends. I don't know for sure. >.> I'm going to guess you're relatively young. Try not take life quite so seriously. If you're ok being friends with her, then be friends with her. If you want to date her, then ask her out.

Ok.

Well she may be just friends to you,after all at this age feeling like this so much natural.I have had dozen crushes when I was in my teens lol!
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