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Typical ENFP Falling-In-Love Issues
Last Post 16 Nov 2012 03:42 PM by Ozman2988. 19 Replies.
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JuliaBell 
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: Sixteen Female
Relationship: Single
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| 25 Feb 2012 11:55 AM |
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So I've just noticed that I have this tendency to, if I happen to find a guy remotely interesting and start talking to him a little while, well... seriously start liking that guy. I mean, part of this could be because I find people so interesting. But whenever I start liking a person, I have to tell myself, "WHOA! Slow down, girl! You don't even know if they like you and you're already willing to basically do anything for them!" I want to please the guys I seriously being to like too much. I become completely submissive. A very much "What can I do for you today to make you happy?" mentality. This could turn out to be a disaster if the guy I liked happened to be controlling. I'd be doomed.
I was just wondering if other ENFP's have a slightly similar problem? x3
Also, is it pretty much established that long-distance-relationships and ENFP's do not mix? There's something about me and trying to keep in contact with friends, basically anybody, by way of internet or letters. I don't know why. O_o
... Then there's the other problem where I've completely fallen in love with the INFJ personality type and they are only 1% of the population. Drat. |
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| - We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. |
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Entejay
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| 25 Feb 2012 12:24 PM |
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That's probably your Fi at work. That function thing again. It's your second most important function. And it follows what it feels right. I don't think other ENFPs act differently. |
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Apathy is treason. Ignorance is not bliss, it's enslavement.
Make the best of what you can do for today. This is the best you can do. You can't be expected anymore. Not even you can expect anything better from yourself, if you do the best you can. (Author: Me) |
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Maverick
MBTI: ExFP (but mostly N)
Age/Sex: 24/Dudeguy
Relationship: Forever Alone
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I Just Joined
Posts:23
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| 25 Feb 2012 02:13 PM |
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Posted By JuliaBell on 25 Feb 2012 10:55 AM
So I've just noticed that I have this tendency to, if I happen to find a guy remotely interesting and start talking to him a little while, well... seriously start liking that guy. I mean, part of this could be because I find people so interesting. But whenever I start liking a person, I have to tell myself, "WHOA! Slow down, girl! You don't even know if they like you and you're already willing to basically do anything for them!" I want to please the guys I seriously being to like too much. I become completely submissive. A very much "What can I do for you today to make you happy?" mentality. This could turn out to be a disaster if the guy I liked happened to be controlling. I'd be doomed.
Or if they needed space and/or wanted to go slower. Yes this has happened to me before. 
You are not alone in this. I have no idea why we act this way though. 
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| "This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless." ---Yoda, explaining to me why I'm doomed to join the dark side. |
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alysaria
MBTI: ENFP
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| 25 Feb 2012 02:30 PM |
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ENFPs have extra levels of love...
Strangers are like friends.
Friends are like best friends.
Best friends are like lovers.
Lovers are SUPER LOVERS!!!!
>.> When you experience LOVE love, that infatuation stuff pales in comparison. You're about as subtle as a truck full of howler monkeys. Extroverted intuition (Ne) likes to be difficult when you find someone interesting, though....by plotting out possibilities. "What if I dated this guy?" It's not a promise, it's just Ne making a speculation and introverted feeling (Fi) filling in the details. |
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Maverick
MBTI: ExFP (but mostly N)
Age/Sex: 24/Dudeguy
Relationship: Forever Alone
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I Just Joined
Posts:23
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| 25 Feb 2012 02:44 PM |
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Posted By alysaria on 25 Feb 2012 01:30 PM
ENFPs have extra levels of love...
Strangers are like friends.
Friends are like best friends.
Best friends are like lovers.
Lovers are SUPER LOVERS!!!!
>.> When you experience LOVE love, that infatuation stuff pales in comparison. You're about as subtle as a truck full of howler monkeys. Extroverted intuition (Ne) likes to be difficult when you find someone interesting, though....by plotting out possibilities. "What if I dated this guy?" It's not a promise, it's just Ne making a speculation and introverted feeling (Fi) filling in the details.
OFT.
I wish there was a way to "like" this post.  |
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| "This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless." ---Yoda, explaining to me why I'm doomed to join the dark side. |
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lindzmarie85
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 27/F
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Posts:132
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| 27 Feb 2012 03:48 PM |
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This about sums up my life. And Julia, unfortunately it doesn't get better. But you learn to control it better.
I think that not only are we so in tune to the people around us and we live in a world of possibilities, so we are bound to make even a tiny connection with someone and take off on a wild daydream (I've been known to think about what it would be like to be married to a guy that I've just met!!!)...but we also are naturally flirts. I hug everyone. I smile at everyone. I touch people when I talk to them. I act silly and laugh - a lot. Regardless if I am romantically interested in them or not. I tend to be even more deliberate when I am, but most people take my baseline behavior as flirting, especially if they have never seen me actually consciously flirt.
As for the being submissive...I was like that at your age too, well into college. And you're right, it could end up bad. You need to think about yourself first and foremost. I still struggle with this at times, but I also know that I need to speak up for yourself so not to be taken advantage of. This used to happen to me in friendships too. Remember, wanting to please someone and do things for someone because you care about them and love them is different from doing anything for someone because you want to be loved. |
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Not only do I not know what's going on...I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did! ~ George Carlin |
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aquavenae
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 28/F
Relationship: Single
IM:
I just joined
Posts:7
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| 16 May 2012 11:19 AM |
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Aww, Julia did such a good job of expressing this! I do this too, it's so much fun to think about all the lovely possibilities of a relationship... As far as being submissive, I've practiced being assertive (not dominant) for a long time and this has helped me a lot - but even though I've gotten much more assertive, sexually I'm still quite submissive. There is a switch where I go from being confident, assertive and in charge, and then, bam, I'm jelly and can't say no. I'm still working at not letting myself "switch" until I've made a decision, otherwise I will end up with some - not really regrets - but more, dang, I told myself I was gonna wait a few dates this time :p This may not be EXACTLY what you were talking about but maybe? I am pretty sure I would cheat in a LDR. I wouldn't let myself hurt someone by getting into one  |
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Veetamine
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| 29 May 2012 11:00 AM |
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Hey yall,
YES. Thank you. Sorry, its going to be a bit confusing but I am sure its funny. Sorry also if its sounds so commanding. Its just how I roll.
I am actually dealing with these exact things (again, thanks) right now because I have met a VERY interesting man WHO IS VERY INSTERESTED IN ME which was at first a great news full of butteflies and good perspectives, but now I am SO typically in the same thing as usual. "I am enough?" comes and comes, I could eaaaaasily become submissive. Since then, I feel confused in all spectrums of my life! I feel I have to make changes, I can't flow cuz I am flying high in my imagination about something that I care so much about: true love. Because I know my thoughs are part of the future, thinking feels its realizing the future already without the consent of the guy and without mine either! I feel I let myself go into wishful thinking about love? It dosn't make sense! Love is HERE RIGHT NOT. Thinking: "I can't plan love! Could I?" Obeying to that high standard is difficult... then why not become indulgent... and that is submission in relationship to the world.
We need to be grounded and confident to SWITCH level (directly refering to alysaria's post, you go girl) because yes, vibrating high enough to be confident AND deeply connected with other ppl is THRILLING, EXCITING.... and SCARY when you are not use to it! It makes you think: "Was I not good enough before to have it?.......... What did changed? Do I have to make changes? I might have to observe everything closely...." And then we are less and less and LESS into DOING and more and MORE about THINKING. That kills our impulsivity because we become doubful. We become slow. And confused!
My firends, my loves... we are perfect  I beleive, because I have been there long times  , it is call ONE LOVE. Having a parthner is experiencing a love/parthnership/team that enhance life and could make a family... There is a lot about the queer theory that might interest ppl of my personnality type.
"I know some stuff. So, I can WORK it out. Work and luck will come. With big powers come big responsabilities, my friends. I am not the superwoman. I am just like you. (maybe)
_____Here are my tips 
- Make sure you are not jugemental, stiking to the facts. As random as they can seems, abstraction about other stuff help to connect with your inner self.
- Act quickly, without thinking. Maybe with impulsivity? We are good at it. Than, don't wait, do it.  ...... !!!!!!!!
- Don't get "luck" as the only answer when you feel submissive. Get the "work and feel" attitude going by going to a concert, dancing, or whatever turns that on for you.
- Remeber that you don't NEED the person for you to be happy (may be related to the "I want to make the person happy" attitude), it is YOU that you have to know how to make you happy. ALWAYS YOU FIRST. Who gets that?? I am sure it rings a bell!...
____Emergency tip if feeling submissive with ppl you care SO much about (friends, family, lovers)
- Make a silly decision and go for it. Example: I want to go on the roof, right now!!! That helps you connect with yourself.
____Here are my issues 
- Don't get "impresed" by the things that I love to connect with: seing wisdom, harmony, the tides of the events are interconnected.
____Here are my current explorations 
- Letting my love expand without juging it
- Avoid all destructive obsessions
- "Playing it" cool
That's it for now, I'll keep posted.
Peace out 
 Look at that vid, text of Dr. Zeus read by Burners: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahv_1IS7SiE
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JerseyCityENFP
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 42/male
Relationship: single
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Posts:254
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| 02 Jun 2012 12:54 PM |
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I notice many comments by women ENFPs so maybe a man's input could come in well, too (who am I kidding? I just want to chirp in "Me, too"): like Chet Baker says, "I fall in love too easily/I fall in love too fast."
I also notice a VERY BAD knee-jerk reflex when someone is attracted to me to find something wrong with them/dating them. Alysaria alluded to this above. Does anyone have any suggestions? |
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| To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
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HelenOfTroy
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: OLD WOMAN
Relationship: CLAIMED
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Posts:64
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| 04 Jun 2012 07:05 AM |
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Wish i had the answers. I'm a definate worrier. Sensibly things makes sense...but my head just goes off on it's own trips and it's mayhem up there. I often tell myself if i could just think straight everything would be fine but it's super windy spaghetti ...in sauce! I often recommend people talk stuff through but have difficulty doing it myself. tut.
When i fall in love, i fall hard. |
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alysaria
MBTI: ENFP
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Posts:3129
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| 04 Jun 2012 02:51 PM |
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@Jersey First, figure out what it is about yourself that you're projecting. 9 times out of 10 it's a symptom of another issue... Sometimes it can just be unrealistic expectations of women and relationships based on watching too much porn (women can do the same thing with romance novels and chick flicks). But it could also be a self-esteem issue where somehow you're comparing yourself to the quality of women you attract and somehow find yourself lacking because of the association. Either way, figuring out the root cause is the first step to understanding the reaction and taking steps to get past it. |
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HelenOfTroy
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: OLD WOMAN
Relationship: CLAIMED
IM:
Posts:64
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| 05 Jun 2012 11:40 AM |
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Posted By JuliaBell on 25 Feb 2012 10:55 AM
So I've just noticed that I have this tendency to, if I happen to find a guy remotely interesting and start talking to him a little while, well... seriously start liking that guy. I mean, part of this could be because I find people so interesting. But whenever I start liking a person, I have to tell myself, "WHOA! Slow down, girl! You don't even know if they like you and you're already willing to basically do anything for them!" I want to please the guys I seriously being to like too much. I become completely submissive. A very much "What can I do for you today to make you happy?" mentality. This could turn out to be a disaster if the guy I liked happened to be controlling. I'd be doomed.
I was just wondering if other ENFP's have a slightly similar problem? x3
Also, is it pretty much established that long-distance-relationships and ENFP's do not mix? There's something about me and trying to keep in contact with friends, basically anybody, by way of internet or letters. I don't know why. O_o
... Then there's the other problem where I've completely fallen in love with the INFJ personality type and they are only 1% of the population. Drat.
Oh, i have just noticed it states your age as sixteen.
At that age i had huge problem with unintentionally getting romantically involved with guys. As you said; finding someone so interesting that you just want to spend loads of time with them, connect deeply, discuss anything and everything, and generally smelt.
Often this enthusiasm is confused/mixed in with romantic feelings of the changeable type.
For myself i usually wanted to be good friends but ended up having to cut off friendships as they became apparently decided it was more than friendship. I often entered into semi relationships (by this i mean i rarely even kissed them, just kind of found myself being referred to as their "girlfriend") too because i didn't want to hurt peoples feelings and thought i must have given them signals. |
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Deo555
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| 26 Jun 2012 06:38 PM |
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Posted By lindzmarie85 on 27 Feb 2012 02:48 PM
I think that not only are we so in tune to the people around us and we live in a world of possibilities, so we are bound to make even a tiny connection with someone and take off on a wild daydream (I've been known to think about what it would be like to be married to a guy that I've just met!!!)
From a male Infj's persepective I can agree with this as well as being able to control it better as you get older. I always look down the road and see if there is a future with people and I can always tell if there is potential. |
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Bronk
MBTI: INTJ
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Posts:59
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| 29 Jun 2012 10:24 AM |
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This is fascinating. I hadn't realized that ENFPs And INTJs were so alike in some regards. I can appreciate the unyielding need to consume information and endlessly contemplate relationships. But whereas you become obsessed (not sure if that's the right word) with relationships between people, I become obsessed with relationships between ideas and systems.
It's also interesting that we seem to wrestle with the same fundamental concepts in interpersonal relationships. It appears that you have to consciously reign yourself in to avoid the tendency to overwhelm the other person. My mind always seems to jump to the end goal of a relationship ("How will this friendship develop?"), and it's a neverending cacaphony of possibilities rattling around my skull. It's at this point I become very self-conscious around other people. If it's something simple like a scientific theory, I can follow the logical train. If it something with an almost infinite combination of variables, it becomes too oerwhelming and I shut down.
You ENFPs are intimidating! |
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JerseyCityENFP
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 42/male
Relationship: single
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Posts:254
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| 03 Aug 2012 05:06 PM |
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Merci, Alysaria. |
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| To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
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livlig
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 25/F
Relationship: Single
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Posts:14
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| 05 Aug 2012 09:26 AM |
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Awesome tips! Thank you! |
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havoc313
MBTI: INTJ
Age/Sex: 19 Male
Relationship: Single
IM:
Just joined
Posts:1
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| 27 Sep 2012 10:53 PM |
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Wow I am surprised how much i have in common with ENFP i though we INTJ had a tough time with dating and relationships lol. |
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mannyphoenix264
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| 28 Oct 2012 05:43 PM |
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that happens to me all the time except i'm a guy. |
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bedroomeyes80
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| 16 Nov 2012 12:51 PM |
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JuliaBell
I am very curious about how things ended up. I am an INTJ guy going through the same thing you are with an ENFP girl.
Met this girl online. Intrigued by her looks and her super smart political reply. She's about to fly down to meet me in a couple of weeks.
I've noticed she's fallen hard, and I have too. She seems perfect for me.
But she's only 19, somewhat inexperienced. She talks about how she can be very submissive, specially when she's drunk. She had this friend with benefit she recently broke it off with. And like you, she was willing to do anything to please him. But he's an ass who just wants to use her for sex. He could care less about her really.
She has told me about things she wants to do to me, that are far more x-rated than 50 shades of grey. It's all about pleasing me, and giving me what I want. And I love that, but won't take advantage of it.
I mean, she's attractive. Very smart. We ahve similar upbringings, are identical politically and are both sweet and caring. I feel like we've already fallen in love and have sent over 2000 texts and 1500 fb messages, in a period of exactly ONE month yesterday. It FEELS perfect. So go for it.
But you got to let him know you like him, and he HAS to reciprocate. Or else it's going to be a waste of time, or you're going to get used.
PS: you should go for the INTJ personality type. it's a perfect match. Don't fall in love with one type though.
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Ozman2988
MBTI: ENFP
Age/Sex: 24/ M
Relationship: Single
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Posts:21
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| 16 Nov 2012 03:42 PM |
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I also tend to fall in love fast and I fall hard as well. When I engage with someone and we have a great conversation and seem to get along really well, thats all i really think about. I just feel so great, my feelings just taking control of me. Im always wondering if the other person is feeling like that as well. When the relationship seems to be coming to an end, I always find myself trying to keep it together even know that its inevitable. Being alone really sucks. If im the person doing the breaking up, I usually do it in a nice and quiet atmosphere. I hate hurting other peoples feelings. Its just some guilt I carry for not being interested in them anymore. |
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