Posted By Zsych on 17 Jan 2010 07:42 AM

What do you say Psyko: Is that an expression of the INTX viewpoint? I'm not even fully sure what I just said makes a huge amount of sense. Its more an intuition based expression of an idea.

@ Zsych: Yes, I think you are on to something here. I understand what you mean. 

@ francisco: Yay!! I'm so happy for you. I think your plans sound great We're cheering you on!! (I am at least) It's an extremely positive sign that she is spending her breaks on you. Be very careful not to smother her (with attention,) or make her feel that you are expecting much from her now. We take all sorts of tests very seriously. I know I would hibernate if it were me. Let her come to you when she feels like it and make future plans after her mcat. 

And yes, you should get a prize for all the answers in this thread.. Lol! 

Hahahahaha! That's what I was thinking, just DO it. Love the person with all your heart and try to anticipate what he/she wants--that's how ENFP's do it. Everything falls into place after that.

Love isn't something you can overanalyze and plan.

And dammit, that post was for something on page one. I meant to reply to a very early post! It's my first day here, sorry. :/ I came here as an ENFP girl looking for how to make things work with an INTJ boy. I'm actually not too worried about it, since I'm good at making people fall for me...but I still want to make sure he's happier than he's ever been in his life. That way, he'll never leave me! (Mua hahahaha!) I figured this would be a good place to start looking for ideas.

Posted By Waterbead on 27 Aug 2011 11:29 AM

And dammit, that post was for something on page one. I meant to reply to a very early post! It's my first day here, sorry. :/ I came here as an ENFP girl looking for how to make things work with an INTJ boy. I'm actually not too worried about it, since I'm good at making people fall for me...but I still want to make sure he's happier than he's ever been in his life. That way, he'll never leave me! (Mua hahahaha!) I figured this would be a good place to start looking for ideas.

Be yourself.  INTJs love a person who is true to themselves as it speaks so dearly to our desire to be autonomous in our identities.  Honestly the best way for me to describe this is to give you an example of an experience that hasn't yet come to a close for me.  

The other day, a few friends and I went to a bar that had just opened up that day to sort of celebrate the end of the semester.  At the bar, we sat at a table, and our waitress came over to talk to us.  This girl, in my eyes, is gorgeous.  Not just in looks (she definitely doesn't lack there), but in personality.  I am almost certain she is an ENFP.  Basically what happened was this.  Immediately upon seeing her, I started to let my INTJness get ahold of me, and I started to close off to her.  It didn't phase her.  She still was friendly, and showed positive posture and body language towards me.  It also helped that I had two NF friends at the table with me, one ENFP.  Little did I know, they had read this girl's interest in me before I had even recognized that she was trying to get me to come out of my shell.  I think it's also important to mention here that there was nobody in her section but us.

Everything about this girl caught me off guard, as well as my friends' actions.  For example, the waitress tried one of my friends' beers (a craft beer.  An IPA) after my friend told her it was good.  When she made a sour face (IPAs are notoriously bitter), they asked her what kinds of drinks she liked.  She went through a list that included Sangria.  I had never had Sangria, so I said as much.  She enthusiastically told me how good it was, so I told her I would like one.  She came back, resumed her position of right next to me with her body oriented towards me, and began continuing with the mindless banter going on around me where I would occasionally jump in with something witty.  But the banter was invisible to me.  I dove into the Sangria.  It wasn't bad really.  I actually kind of liked it.  It's not my go-to drink, but it was somewhat refreshing, and the fact that my waitress loved it so much made me love it even more, loathe I am to admit my preferences were influenced.  I told her that I liked it, and her face lit up with delight.  My NF friend asked for a sip and said it tasted like vinegar.  I incredulously defended it, and that made the waitress light up.  Little did I know that my friend was giving me an opportunity to compliment her.

The banter continued, me throwing in witty remarks, when suddenly my ENFP friend just throws out the wildest curveball I had ever heard in any conversation I had ever heard or been part of in my life (keep in mind I am an INTJ saying that): (very loudly) "Mike has people at NASA!"  I immediately went into INTJ what-did-you-just-say-and-what-does-that-have-to-do-with-me death stare mode with him.  Of course him being an ENFP, he wasn't phased by it in the slightest.  He just kept saying the same thing in a different way.  This is the way it went down:

Me: *staring at my friend in the most what-did-you-just-say-you-idiot way*
My friend: You have people at NASA don't you?
Me: My granddaddy used to work there, yes.
Waitress: *gasp* Wait.  So you're one of those really smart people?
Me: *instantly awkwardly trying not to be awkward but I am starting to shut down from all the attention* Yeah I guess so, sure.
My friend: No, he's really smart.  He's seriously the smartest guy I know.

What happened next astounded me.  She looked at me with some sort of impressed intensity for only a brief moment, yet her body language told all.  She wanted to get to know me.  Where my friends had to go to the bar and pay their tabs, she brought me my check.  When she would come to the table she wanted to talk to me.  I was the focal point of her initial attention each time she walked up.

Other evidence of why I think she was in ENFP include that she mentioned how it was such a rough day.  Apparently she got there at 8 AM in order to stock the pantry and bar, set up tables and chairs, fill salt and pepper shakers, etc. in order to get ready for the grand opening, yet she always seemed happy even though it wasn't the best day.  On top of that, she had her favorite Bible verse on her arm, which she said kept her cheerful even though her day sucked.  That also includes having an entire $65 check plus tips stolen by a bus boy that she would have to pay for out of her own paycheck if they couldn't find it.

I know all of that sounds like she was manipulating me to buy a drink and then playing at my sympathies for a good tip, but I am very cautious about who I am generous to.  I have been burned many times by people who have taken advantage of the fact that I genuinely want to be a good person, and I will do whatever it takes to do so.  She was different.  For some reason there was something incredibly unique about her that I still cannot put my finger on.  I know about ENFPs and their temperament and demeanor, but I still can't quite put my finger on what it is that brought something great out of me; a feeling that someone wants to know me that I had rarely experienced.

In the end I made a very correctable mistake.  I wrote my phone number on my receipt and wrote "See you tomorrow." on the back (we had already said as much that we would come back the next day) and walked out.  According to my friends, and this is something I have reasoned to make sense in my head, that action made me seem unconfident and that if I did go back the next day, she would barely pay attention to me.  Now I am skeptical about that, but I do know that the safest bet is still the best: make her wait.  I don't want her to feel like she understands exactly how I feel immediately.  I want to push and prod her to see how she responds.

The thing you have to remember about INTJ men and women is that since we are such abstract and misunderstood beings, we do not want to make it easy for someone to figure us out.  It increases our sense of individuality when people can't figure us out.  We have also all been hurt in one way or another because we allowed ourselves to get too close to someone, and they betrayed us.  Horrors!  Not only do we abhor betrayal, but we despise with a passion when we don't have the foresight or knowledge to recognize it coming.  We view it as an inefficiency within ourselves more than others since we had wasted so much time only for nothing.  We would rather swim in faeces instead of being anything but the pinnacle of human thought.

That's also where the ENFP comes in.  You people turn us on our heads.  When we spurn your advances, you gain ground.  When we open up, you dive in.  Every single pattern of social interaction ever observed by an INTJ is contradicted when we are around you.  You make us feel comfortable when others make us feel like we don't belong.  We can feel that maelstrom of emotion roar deep inside us waiting to be brought out while simultaneously panicking and trying to cover it up with a concrete slab, yet around you, it seems, all we can find is a blanket.  It is frustrating how we somehow lose control of everything we hold as good and true and end up enjoying it.  That's where we will eventually pull back.  We remember why we are the way we are, and close ourselves up again, but you somehow have this magical draw to open us up again.  In essence, it is the world's most intense game of peek-a-boo.

So what should you gleam from all of this?  Be yourself.  INTJers like the impulsive nature of ENFPs as well as their penchant humor for sarcasm and inuitive thought.  If you have made an INTJ extremely uncomfortable, you have just given them a new problem to wrestle with.  And wrestle with it they will.  You will be tested.  They will figure out what it is about you that tortures them so good.  Notice the "will" and my use of "good".  By turning their world upside down, the understanding of you has become their new prize, and they will figure you out.  By turning their world upside down, the mystery of you will torture them into their zone of comfort, which is being the all-knowing, never-wrong entity in the cosmos.

Keep at this guy.  If one day he suddenly becomes really shy and awkward around you, he has realized that you're flirting with him, and he likes you.  Break through the walls he puts up.  There is nothing that makes an INTJ hotter than someone who can cause our minds to become dumbfounded by making us question the conclusions we have reached.

People are complicated and simple at the same time....but what we have in common is more often than not the simple stuff. Sometimes it's just a matter of stripping a situation of it's complexity to get a good look at the simplicity.