Hi I am sorry to bring this up, as it seems to have been mention a few times on this forum, but how do you tell if an ENFP like you? I am sorry if this has already come up but, being an INTJ, I am terrible at telling weather or not someone likes me. Manny times I have remained compliantly oblivious to people who, to others, appear to scream I love you. While on the other hand of the spectrum, I will almost swear some one had a crush on me, and then find they actually liked one of my friends. I can analyze, think, and calculate all day long, but still I will come up with the wrong answer. Yes I am an idiot, but tell me this won’t get me anywhere. Thus, I am reaching out for new techniques - understanding and accepting that they may not be as quantitative as I would like. Are their general characteristics you can look for? Please tell me there’s a curve I can plot or something?

Let me give you guys some back ground information. We are both first year collage students, and we just met this month on the first day of classes. Their were a limited number of seats and she came in late, thus she had to sit in the front next to the strange quite kid who hung on every word the prof said. At the end of class, realizing that I would have to sit next to this girl for the rest of the term, I introduced my self - then things started to get strange. She offered to walk me to my next class, something that caught me completely off guard. Now one in my past has ever walked me to class, after only 30 seconds of knowing me. Is this an ENFP trait or is this an oddity even for an ENFP? Back to the story, we walked and talked for a whole ten minutes until I got class - the most I have ever talked with some one I knew for 30 seconds.

This continued to happen over the next week or so, and then another oddity came up. She forgot her umbrella, so she walked with me under mine. Within the last month this has happened about three times. Should I assume this is another ENFP trait, or just suspect something? Moving on, by the end of my second week I switched to an earlier class, due to a bad prof, and now my afternoons were free so she could no longer walk me to class - end of story, or so I thought. Some how she managed to get me, who some refer to as the perfect nerd and honour student, to waste over an hour of my time walking and talking with her. I have no idea how she got me to do this, it all seemed to be one big Jedi mind trick or something. The worst part was that after a few days I really started to enjoy these walks, and… even look forward to them! I was simply entranced by her kindness, childishness, and even extroversion. On top of that she hung on to every word I said, and actually add intellectual input to our conversations. This was madness, she actually made me feel for some one I had only known for a week or so.

Now, these walks have become a regular occurrence. I even set aside about 2hrs in my schedule every Wednesday and Friday to talk with her. Usually they can range form one to three hours, and the strangest thing of all is… there is not point or defined goal to them - something that all my other friends have learned to incorporate into the time they spend with me. We just talk. We talk about life, about her, and most shockingly about me. Some how she asks me questions about myself, and manages to penetrate the reinforced lead shielding surrounding my mind. She knows thing about me that took other friends years to find out. Some friends I have known since grade 1, don’t know half as much about me as she dose. Once again, is this normal for an ENFP? Given the fact that it seems that I am falling for her, should I continue to let her or do they like the whole distancing your self thing? Dose it seem that she likes me, or is this all normal for an ENFP? Seriously, I have never been right when it comes down to these issues.

Some more interesting points are that, well, her pervious boy friend was an INTJ. Unfortunately she left him because he was too cool around her. I was very surprised to hear this, after all may consider me to be the king of indifference and the master of the cold shoulder but… once again, for some reason beyond my comprehension, I am not cold or indifferent to her. I have laughed and smiled around her in one hour, more than I have for any other friend in a whole week. I have no choice but assume I have at least a small crush on her. Back to pervious boy friend point. I told her that he was likely an INTJ, and that we are an odd breed. I doubt that I stayed on that topic for more than a few seconds before she whisked my off on another tangent. I thought that was the last I would hear from her about personality types, she seemed to not like the idea of comparing me to her previous boy friend, but low and behold the following class she brought it up again saying that she took the test and found out that she was an ENFP. I am personally amazed that she even remembered the name of the test, considering that I only mentioned it once for a very brief instant. She said that the discription was quite accurate, and left it at that. Back to the umbrella point, she no longer claims to have forgotten her umbrella; rather she say that she is too lazy to take it out of her back pack, and that my umbrella is big enough for the both of us. This is true, I specifically bought an umbrella big enough for two people last term because I was tired of umbrellas that did not cover my back pack - I do have very important assignments in it after all. Do you guys think this is just pure laziness, or is their something more involved? It seems suspect to me, but every thing seems suspect to me.

To recape,
I am falling for her.
She is an ENFP.
I am an idiot.
Do you think she likes me?
Is this all perfectly explainable under normal ENFP behaviour, and I am just being paranoid?
What should I do to warm her heart, the same way she has warmed mine?
In general, what gives an ENFP the “warm and fuzzes”?
Any advice that dose not fall in to any of the above categories, or random questions addressed in the text?
Do you guys want any more info?

Sorry for any spelling mistakes.

I hope this is enough information, and I hope you guys aren’t too tired of helping out poor INTJs like myself.
 

, I introduced my self - then things started to get strange.

LOL

Is this an ENFP trait or is this an oddity even for an ENFP?

This is an ENFP trait

Should I assume this is another ENFP trait, or just suspect something?

Both. She did forget it but she asked you: to be with you.

The worst part was that after a few days I really started to enjoy these walks, and… even look forward to them!

Muahaha ................. You are intellectually stimulating to us to.

Some friends I have known since grade 1, don’t know half as much about me as she dose. Once again, is this normal for an ENFP?

She is young. As an ENFP grows older we grow stronger. Now it takes me 2-15 minutes to get someone interesting to open up. Yes it is normal and yes she cares about you. Yes she gets others to open up and yes she still cares about you.

or is their something more involved?

She likes you ALOT. Go read my other posts on how to get girls to like you. Tell her that you like her alot too.

I am a friend of Alysaria's, also an INTJ. I am the same way in most regards to being shy and afraid of rejection. I have a few suggestions as a basis for you to try. The best way to get past the friend zone is to approach her like you would anything else, logically and use methods that test whether or not she is recieving to your feelings. The best way to see if they are interested is to listen to what and ENFP has to say but don't give them your 100% undivided attention. Give them about 20% and make eye contact from time to time to let them know you are still in the converstation. But if you feign disinterest a little then the ENFP should respond by trying to get more of your attention. This is what I like to call a playfull tug of war match. You can feign a little more and if she starts to pull away then you can up your interest in what she is saying in order to keep her from dropping the subject completely.

Now I don't think your ENFP will be the first one to say that she has feelings for you. While they are extroverted they also have an introverted feeling function. She won't just come up to you one day and profess her love for you. Your best bet is to test the waters again, like with the tug of war match. Skirt around the issue a little and be subtle (We INTJ's are good at that) and if she doesn't catch the hint make it a little less subtle or even crack a joke about it and gauge her reaction. Their faces are easy to read for us even if it is for a split second. Now make sure you don't insult her in anyway otherwise the whole mission is shot to hell. As hard as it may be, try to be as sincere and genuine as you can be when speaking to her. ENFP's hate fake people and can usually tell very easily.

In short, I would make a battle plan of different questions or jokes to throw her way and see what sticks without her knowing that you are trying. Once you see her reaction you can best determine whether or not to actually ask her if she would like to take things to the next step. You will have to rely heavily upon your Intuitive part of your personality. From the sounds of things you can have a conversation with her and be fairly open. Try playful touching on the arm or leg (Again testing the waters in what she is comfortable with). A random hug to throw her off balance is always fun as they never seem to expect it from us. An ENFP can NEVER turn down a hug, makes them feel warm and fuzzy. Alysaria put it best with her analogy to the magic eye pictures. She knows I can read her like a book and play her like a fine violin. Hope this helps out a little bit.

She likes you ALOT.

This is one of the biggest issues for me. How do I differentiate - pardon the calculus jargon - weather an ENFP is just being friendly with me or if she really likes me? I have heard several times that due to your over all friendly and warm natures, you can get miss read as flirtatious. What characteristics in particular should I look for? What characteristics made you think that she likes me? By no means am I questioning your analytical methods, on the contrary I am intrigued with them. Once again I hope you do not mind my math jargon but… show your work. Alas, I wonder if I am the only one who wishes love could be quantified - or maybe it’s just an INTJ trait.

Thank you for your analysis.

Ummmmm…. Girl with mermaid picture? Sorry but I have yet to figure out where the names are on this web site. My sincerest of apologies. But I have always said it’s not the name that counts, it’s what the name means. Back to the point. What do you mean by, not giving someone 100% of my attention? Do I say something like, “sorry I was not paying attention, what did you say?” or something to that effect?

Can you give me exapels of how one would skirt around an issue like weather or not said person liked them? I will not use your examples, just work with them to put my self in correct line of thinking.

As far as physical interaction goes, neither of us have yet to lay a hand on each other - which I would assume is normal for me, but is this odd for an ENFP? Then again she has dug quite deep into my mind, but at certain points I stop her when she gets to deep. I am still an INTJ after all, and my shell is fairly thick. Is this good or bad? Do you guys like it when people let you go as deep as you want into their heads, or do you prefer to be stopped at a certain point - leaving some mystery? In one month, she dived down about 10km in to the sea of my mind, which may not seem that deep considering that my mind has a depth of 100km: but you need to take into account that the most anyone has ever dived was about 25km. My I add it took her five years to do so. I hope the math is not too tiring for you guys.

Back to my question, do ENFPs like to dive into the unimaginable depths of INTJs’ mind, or do you guys think it would be best to continue to stop her when she ventures too deep? Do you guys like long involved stories about how we see the world, or do they get boring after a while?

Thank you for all your help, are all ENFPs this nice?

Is this normal for an ENFP who has no romantic intentions, and currently has a boyfriend?

Posted By JHBowden on 07 Feb 2010 12:18 AM

Probably, but you need to make a move anyway just in case. 

I disagree!!! Do not make a move on her. Love is sacred to an ENFP. Do not taint her relationship by being forward with her, out of respect for her boyfriend she'll have to push you away and then she's lost. Respect that she's got a boyfriend and cultivate a friendship. You are an INTJ, able to think ten steps ahead. Think of it like this: if you're a shoulder to cry on and the person she goes to with her troubles and she respects your opinion, maybe she'll feel something more for you. Be patient and make her need you. (If you can stomach it, not thinking too much about her boyfriend.) 

Psyko, are we trying to permanently lock the poor guy in the "friend" category?

For sure she genuinely likes you. Yes the chatting is normal for an ENFP and so is the ability to open people up in 15 mins. But she means it.

However.. whether she's in love with you... I can't tell. I think you should be patient. Time will tell. I agree that you should respect the relationship that she's in right now. I think so too that she would appreciate you more for it. Chances are that she's not seriously thinking of other guys at the moment, since most ENFP's are very loyal...

It's impossible to say where you stand with her. Ask her!!! She obviously likes you a lot, since she is spending so much time with you. It's hard to say if she means more. My guess is that she doesn't even know and she feels caught between the two of you.  

Stop analyzing every moment and enjoy your time with her. Be in the moment, and forget that you have to plan and need closure. If it happens, it happens, if not, move on

What do you guys think?

Word of caution though-- be sure you know what you want, because you may end up getting it.

So, what have we all learned? If your interested in an ENTJ, tackle them, tie them up and force them to love you.

You can ruin an ENFP's current relationship rather easily. Just give her doubt. She won't run to you though because your the one that started her doubting, she will find another guy and it will exacerbate your confused feelings of rejection and exponentially increase your jealousy.
ENFPs are like (simile) children (but are not really children as i don't intend to insult any ENFPs), you need to feed them (unlike (not a simile) INTJs, ENFPS are human and require ice cream), nurture them (tickling works, they will swat at you playfully), praise them (they usually deserve it anyway), and let them drag you around like a shiny plaything until you are their favorite plaything and profess undying devotion and think your more important than their cute adorable keychain (ah you thought i didn't know about the keychain, but i know > ). <-----even though this happens to look like the sort of evil grin an INTJ might give while using long winded sentences to confuse, bewilder and charm unaware ENFPS, it isn't. It is terrible punctuation.

Sue

I said nothing about force. I'm going to change my ENTJ back to INTJ so people won't read silly preconceived ideas into what I'm saying.

I'm all about time-frames and intervals. How long does Young Einstein intend to pussyfoot and play the White Knight? What are his options? His alternatives? Contingency plans? Bottom line is that if you love somebody, and that person doesn't love you back, you're wasting your time. Waiting around just to get a chance to be the rebound guy certainly isn't going to end up being lasting, true ruv. There are no longterm dividends on that kind of investment. If he's not going to do something to win her now, then keep her in the friend category, and move on to something else.