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I'd like to understand...
Last Post 12 Feb 2010 02:12 AM by Psyko. 8 Replies.
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mikesierra User is Offline
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09 Feb 2010 12:13 AM  

Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life.

He never lacks for female companionship. Women seek him out because he's cheerful and believes in them. His tendency has been to have very intense relationships which burn out quickly. He's decided that it's probably best to date casually to avoid flash-in-the-pan romances.

They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals.

 

That's pretty much the gist of it, all copied and pasted.  I'm not one for sexual escapades.  It's usually just a distraction from what I really want.  I was only with a girl once that didn't start out very intensely.  Long story short, I felt I was shortchanging us both and had to end it.  Every girl since then has been drama, drama, drama.  It starts out very intensely, then girl reneges on promises or expressed feelings, and I end up not understanding how she can say one thing then feel completely different so shortly later.  They always burn out like this, but it's never because of me.

I tend to avoid these things because I'd rather be happy alone than miserable "in love."  But it always seems to happen that these girls find me, they seduce me, they promise that they're truthful and trustworthy, and I fall into it again.  I can't seem to get out of this pattern.  Even now, I can notice when a girl is the type I will feel very intensely about, I will reject her.  But she will continue until I say yes.  Then I end up just broken hearted and miserable.  Anyway, just wondering if anyone has any tips.  I'd like to say I can just avoid this type of stuff, but it always finds me and I can't say no because I end up thinking "this could be it..."

 

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09 Feb 2010 05:18 PM  

NFs have this 'Jesus complex'. You want to save others from their pain. Even if you don't know the full story of a person you've just met, you know there's pain and you want to dig deeper. Ditch the need you have to save someone and be with someone mature, without the drama. My guess is that you guys thrive on feeling needed and that you love the part where someone opens up to you and let you in on their secrets. You have to have it.

You say your romances burn out because of the girl but never because of you? You're not showing a lot of insight. Of course the dynamics between you and her is what causes it to burn out. See your role in it and make amends before it happens. (And pick emotionally stable partners...) You may be hurting women without knowing it. 

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09 Feb 2010 10:38 PM  
^^ very interesting...

mike, that seemed like a poetic expression to me
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"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star..."

"....And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you." - Nietzsche

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10 Feb 2010 06:41 PM  
All I can say is "go slow". Gives you time to figure out a little bit what you're really up to and to be honest with yourself.

I've made a personal rule (not yet observed, thank you!) to not sleep with a woman until we've seen each other's houses and workplaces. By then, I ought to know the other person better.
To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
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11 Feb 2010 02:51 AM  

@Psyko: I think I have a very different version of that Jesus complex. Help people fix their problems and overcome their shortcomings... with how they feel being a largely secondary issue. Their effective competence at solving their problems being the primary focus

 

I think that's ultimately the difference between NT and NF

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11 Feb 2010 04:23 AM  

Yeah, I didn't show a lot of insight because I'll end up getting caught up in details and trying to explain how each thing connects to another... I'd rather just not even start it. I've been in the military the past few years, overseas all the time, so I guess that's not a stable foundation to begin with.

I am largely committed and monogamous by nature, JerseyCity, so that's not a problem.

My guess is that you guys thrive on feeling needed and that you love the part where someone opens up to you and let you in on their secrets. You have to have it.


That is the truest part. The irony is that these are the girls who, in my experience, have ended up being the most unstable and manipulative. Does everyone else have the same experience, and why?

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11 Feb 2010 11:38 AM  
I apologize if I were too hard on you mikesierra, I didn't meant to sound harsh. (Am in a bad mood these days.) But to me it seems that NFs have this need to save people in emotional distress. I'm glad you are able to see that you have a part in it too.

And Zsych: Yes we have an efficiency complex... We want to fix people and make them more efficient and overcome their shortcomings, that's our pitfall. I can me impatient with people who I've kind of 'solved' when they don't get it and still make bad choices for themselves. It's usually because I've neglected to factor in that they have to be emotionally ready to make the changes in mention. So NTs are not a walk in the park either I'm afraid.
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11 Feb 2010 05:34 PM  
I apologize if I were too hard on you mikesierra, I didn't meant to sound harsh.


Not at all, good sir. I didn't reply at first because I felt my opinion was too subjective at the time, since I have sort of ran into this issue again.

I meant ma'am

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12 Feb 2010 02:12 AM  
You meant miss
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