As some of you may have read in my previous thread "Confidence and Meeting People" (and if you haven't read it, go do so. I look like a tool and it's amusing) I was asked out by the lead singer of a popular and my favorite indie band, who I've long suspected, from his music, was an INTP .  I've done the NTP dance many-a-times (See another thread I made, "DOUCHEBAGGERY", who was a lovely NTP) and I now know that an NT cannot provide the HUGE amount of emotional availability I need.  Weeeeelll, we went out for sushi today.   I was right-- INTP.   For me NTP= insane liquid chemistry. Good god. We had sushi, chai tea and extra an helping of life theory. *drools*. Pretty sure by how amazingly well this date went that there will be a second date, I shall my best to keep my head in check because I could easily lose it in the beauty of his brain. gaaaaaaaah. hehe. 

I've read a ton of threads on NT/ NF attraction but today I am interested in your own words, and from your own experiences what is the NT/ NF attraction. Go. 

I'll stop at NFs make you feel interesting things

-- and I never read the first post in the confidence topic through to the end, and I thought you were a guy. The confidence thing sounds very very different coming from a girl

I shall my best to keep my head in check because I could easily lose it in the beauty of his brain. gaaaaaaaah. hehe.

I think the attraction for me is that while I bounce ideas and topics off of people, NTs don't. Every little idea that comes to me, I have to validate it through talking to someone else or I'll explode. For NTs, if they understand an idea or come up with something, it kind of assimilates itself into the mental structure they've built already and they don't need to show anyone. It's fascinating to remove the stone slab and see all the little insects moving underneath. If that makes sense.

Yes Charlie, please elaborate on what you were attracted to.

I've got four NFs that are very close to me. All of them have said something like this: I'm their 'anchor', a compass they use to navigate after. I have a lot of NFs leaning on me for support, it's not an emotional kind of support, I don't know what to call it, maybe I give them a reality check? They tell me that they love my honesty, they know I tell the truth, that I'm dependable and that I'm good at seeing things in a rather realistic perspective. (I don't think the best of everyone.)

I'm attracted to NFs because they make me feel good about myself. I feel loved and needed which is great. I'm also attracted to the 'puppy quality' you guys possess: your warmth and enthusiasm and the way you look at life and see good in everyone. (I also think you can be a bit naïve in that respect..) You are emotionally available, and have the gift of teaching us (NTs) how to love and be better at expressing our emotions.

I think you should be patient with your INTP Charlie. Teach him how to be emotionally available the way you need him to be. We can improve, if you show us (tell us.) Sure, we'll think you are a bit silly and we don't understand why at first, but we aim to please and we love you guys, so we'll adapt.. In the beginning I was skeptical of my ex INFPs 'over the top' feelings for me. He was ready to shout his love for me from the rooftops. I though he was insane and questioned his emotions. But he taught me what unconditional love is and for that I'll always be grateful. I was gradually better at responding to him and now I'm fine with expressing my emotions often. (We feel them/think them anyway, we're just not so good at professing them.) I will never make the mistake of questioning the emotions of an NF again. Come to think of it, my behaviour was not very good, he must have felt a little bit like you describe. 

(For the record, I think I understood what you meant in that post of yours Charlie, and I didn't perceive you as a tool. It's a good thing to feel good about yourself, that doesn't mean that you think less of others or that you think of yourself as flawless. You realize you have areas to work on too, but in my opinion, it's good to focus on your strengths when you meet new people. A lot of people are afraid, feel bad or question their own worth, it's refreshing to learn that you have a healthy self esteem. You go!! And you look gorgeous in that Avatar by the way, if that is you )

Posted By Zsych on 25 Feb 2010 01:57 PM
I feel this thread has the potential to be more interesting.

So Charlie, tell us what kind of ideas this INTP had related to life, what you found interesting, what you learned from him, what about you impressed him and where did he think that you understood things better than he *cough* *cough*?

Hehe Two things, as silly as this sounds, I was intentionally not saying anything in detail.  I wanted to sit back and observe what other people said before I put in my two cents. Also, I am trying to not let my ideals get the better of me, which talking about what I like about him could do... 

Personally, though I have been attracted to NTJ's, I have always been more attracted to NTP's-- I think it's because of their flexibility and laid back nature. Perhaps, it's just mesh with the P mind better than the J mind, as I am a moderate/ strong perceiver. I also believe that part of my attraction is that the  NTP's personify the whole "bad boy" image (and for my further thoughts on that check out my "The Bad Boy Complex: NT edition"),  I've always viewed my interactions with them similar to playing with fire. It has been my experience over multiple times that they cannot satisfy my emotional needs.   Oh yeah, we could work GREAT for a while, but it wouldn't last because I can't break through their ice; I get burned.  

Ugh, so that's NTP's in general, now back to him specifically. Take it as you will for a general/ individual description of this type.  

Where my attraction begins: First off, his music has been a huge part of my life, especially during those volital, early self discovery days when I was in my middle teen years.  I had first discovered indie music back then, and his music fed my soul and honestly, shaped part of my thinking. I remember going to his shows back then, being a few feet away from him as he preformed with his heart and soul on the line,  thinking about how hot mentally and physically he was hahah.  Therefore my first response to him asking me out was to laugh hysterically because it is just so damn absurd bahahaha.  I tried very hard to not think of his amazing music on our date/ the days prior to keep my intuition in check. Naturally though, I was nervous to talk to him until I remembered three things: I'm awesome, I'm a BAMF at flirting, and if he was, as I suspected, an INTP we would get along epically well.  

If there's one thing I know to expect from NTP's, it's that they're always unpredictable.  He was.  He is thirty and being twenty one,  I appreciated his mellow maturity. He was relaxed, unassuming, shy and had the type of charm that could only come from an NTP... He's literally a genius, yet is self effacing. He sat across from me, tugging a chocolate brown curl, quietly divulging all his off the wall thoughts very sheepishly, carefully reading my reaction to see if he could reveal them in their truest form.  He's just so damn interesting, for instance his secret ambition to work at funeral parlor for the peace and the solidarity.  It's little things like that that my intuition finds so intriguing. And that make me want to shove him up against a wall and kiss on the verge of violence (and oooh yeess I will make that happen. I get stuff done. ) himI like him because I can't easily figure him out. He wasn't as arrogant as some of the NT's that I have met, yet there was a subtle confidence in his abstract ideas.  All his brilliant thoughts were presented with some trace of doubt, or maybe not doubt but perhaps  openness to more complete information. He was funny; because of his band, has traveled the world and he could keep pace with my random Ne connections.  

Haha, and I think one of the things I liked the most about the date, was to watch his reactions as he processed my words. His blue eyes would sparkle, the right side of his mouth curling up in a slightly perplexed/intrigued expression,  as if he'd never heard or seen something like me before.  He kept asking questions, rephrasing my words, as if he was trying to solve something?  We'd both sit in silence for a few seconds after a thought, neither of us bothered by the silence because we knew the other was lost in their old thought world.  It was easy and attractive. Speaking of attraction,  OH YEAH, he's a bad boy= seeeeexxxxxxy. He smokes, drinks heavily, has different religious views and god, I don't even want to think about the women. Gah.  hehe. So I'm keeping in mind that he is most likely dating a couple of other girls, which is fine 'cause I am casually seeing two other guys as well, having some genuine feelings for an ENFJ (who is seriously marriage material! uuuugh his heart uuuuuuuugh!)  And he is also still touring, umm yeah.... a relationship wouldn't work. But this sure is fun though... hehe. 

 My apologies for all the errors in my previous post! That's the last time I'll respond at one am without proof reading! 

Its interesting that you keep talking about an NT not filling your emotional needs, because I feel the same from the other side... keeping someone with a lot of emotional needs happy is a lot of work. You would have to be truly amazing to be worth the effort. And Godlike for me to make the decision that you absolutely must be kept happy.

Anyway, the guy sounds somewhat interesting, link some youtube videos of his songs, and explain some of his ideas.

And while you're at it, how about more of what makes you special and the ideas you have about life..

[We can get back to NF/NT attraction later - *Intuition* - NF/NT sounds like: "He makes me stronger and more confident" / "She makes me  feel more alive and happy"]

And while you're at it, how about more of what makes you special and the ideas you have about life..

I've never had a greater attraction than for NFs -- especially ENFPs. I've only recently discovered Keirsey's book, and it tracks very accurately to my life experiences and observations. So yeah, I've bought into his system until something better comes along.

The person I have fallen the hardest for was an utter definition of an INTJ.  I always got the feeling that no matter what he was doing, his brain was cranking a million miles an hour, and I was attracted so much to the fact he was (or rather APPEARED) much smarter than me.  I totally agree with what someone up there said about having a conversation with an NT, I ALWAYS have to bounce my ideas off someone for them to be validated, or to go further with them in my head.  NT's don't do this -- they just think, and furthermore, INT's just kinda keep it to themselves.  I find that so incredibly beyond attractive.  I'm sitting here squealing about that as I speak. 

I just loved the way he read every single book, and knew so much about history and politics, and was SO confident in his knowledge.  He was kinda a doucher though in that he distanced himself from anyone that he didn't think was a smart as him.  He admitted that at first he disliked me greatly because I would always blurt out the same wrong answer in math class.  He thought it humorous, and two years later so did I! hahahaaaaah. 

I loved that I had no idea what he was thinking (mysterious brooding fellow him), and that he had kinda a troubled past (Why am I a sucker for that?), and that he could seriously excel at ANYTHING he did.  He also dressed so cool and culturally aware and crap.  And of course he was artsy and sang and liked acting and such.  I was so ridiculously in love with him. 

I still hold on to us somehow being together.  I fantasize of course, me and my ENFP-y ways.  College split us apart before we could even begin things.  SADSAD day.

Ok, I'm done divulging

Posted By Rogarn on 09 Sep 2010 03:55 PM
As an INTJ, i have always had a crazy love for ENF chicks. they always draw me out so much and they are a blast to be around. they always make me smile. Almost every single one of my girlfriends has been an ENFP(except for the random ISFP... and no.. i have no idea how i survived that...). Although my mind meshes best with another INTJ, its the ENFP's that i enjoy being around the most.

Naww... How sweet! Yes.. The INTJ ladies are, intriguing. I find it interesting how we find them so intoxicatingly attractive.. It makes no sense, yet it makes a lot of sense... Perhaps it's because ENFPs sometimes aspire to be understood, and they see the NT crowd as those who are understood on their own wavelength.. Or perhaps, it's just magic!

and that he had kinda a troubled past (Why am I a sucker for that?)