Hey guys, so I have an issue (one that's keeping me up past midnight... though I should probably just sleep on it x.x)  Maybe you guys could help, I could use some advice!

So, several weeks ago I started dating this girl.  Not in the sense that we were an "item," but we hung out, I took her to dinner and for drinks, etc.  The thing is, we're both in school, and very busy.  We actually met because we're both Student Senators this semester.  She's very involved in a few clubs and extracurricular activities, and I'm working to fill the student seat on the university Board of Trustees next semester.  We also both work, almost full time.

First few dates went very smooth.  We like each other, we're compatible, and we've been very honest with each other so far... even when it makes things awkward.  She was clear that she doens't want to rush into things, but really looked forward to us getting to know each other.

However, things have been really busy this semester.  Our schedules have either been full or conflicting, and we haven't hung out outside of school for almost two weeks.  So I've texted her a few times asking her when we would get together next, at which point she opened up the floodgates, and called me telling me she felt bad always having to tell me "sorry" when she couldn't find the time to see me, and is starting to think she has no time for dating.  Now I, not wanting to lose a good thing, I say that she shouldn't have to feel bad; I understand how busy she is, and that I'd be cool as long as we can get together every so often - that the only reason I always pester her is because I like her.

So, that seemed to calm her nerves and she went to bed, saying maybe next monday would work for her, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be working that day, so it wont work out.

Well, I've managed to avoid a minor catastrophe here, but I don't know where to go.  I don't want her to get overworked and blow up, but at the same time I don't just want to be friends, I like her and want to spend time.  Like I said; I don't want to lose a good thing... one way or another.  I don't really know what I'm asking for... but I'm confused as to what I should do. 

This has got to be tough for you. I hate to say it like this, but I think this is pretty simple,  either she will make time for you or she won't.   I've always thought people made time for what is important to them. She may like you very much but at the moment, other things are her focus... that's just the way it is.   I'd keep being honest with each other about where you are in thought and maybe some scheduling will work . Otherwise maybe your paths will cross in the future. 

even when it makes things awkward.

I don't want her to get overworked and blow up, but at the same time I don't just want to be friends, I like her and want to spend time.

I kind of disagree with Saul on the issue that it is bad to make yourself available. Statistically you're right, women tend to choose mates that show higher status. (It's easier to make sure he'd be able to support a family that way.) I'm thinking that women are more liberated now, and we can afford to take care of ourselves and our own families, so status isn't as vital anymore.

I also think it's a bit dangerous to make dating into a game with tactics and strategy, thinking that you'd be more attractive to her if you make yourself scarce. It doesn't work that way. It's not like we think: 'Oh, I'm not sure about this guy, but since he doesn't have time to see me all that often he must be important, thus loveable...'

It's simple really. Two people who are interested in each other will make time to see each other despite their busy schedules. If she doesn't make time for you, you can conclude that she's not that into you. If you are doing all the pestereing and she's not available to meet or reply asking for another date. Scheduling a date night pr. week in advance sounds like a good idea. No one works so much it should be impossible to meet up if you really want to. 

I'm over 10 years older than you, and an NT RoyalWe, so my advice may not be what you are seeking, but I'd dump the guy who wasn't available to me, since I've been married to a workaholic SJ corporate attorney who was never there. It will never happen again. I need someone who can prioritize me (which tells me he'll do the same if we start a family together.) And I would certainly not be interested in dating either Obama or Gates if they were single. They are not attractive to me at all and can keep their money and power to themselves. It'd probably be a nightmare to date those guys.

Be yourself, if she doesn't see you and love you for who you are, dump her!! And the touching advice is good, you'll know where you stand if she allows your (intimate) touch. 

Posted By Sakari on 25 Feb 2010 10:59 AM
I don't think she has the same sort of life experience at this point, so she probably wouldn't dump someone who wasn't available to her, simply because she hasn't experienced what that was like. I think the only justifiable reason for games is to recover from becoming too comfortable and taking the other for granted.

Agreed Sakari! She wouldn't dump him if he made himself too unavailable, I was just trying to prove that if you're thinking very strategically when you are dating someone, you may lose the person you're running your game on, and that'd pretty stupid if you thought it would make you more appealing. (I do agree with Saul that desperation is never good, and if you are prone to make yourself ridiculously available, it could be a good idea to take a step back and let her come to you. And try to get a life while you wait..) 

Posted By Psyko on 25 Feb 2010 11:10 AM And try to get a life while you wait..) 

Lol... I appreciate the sentiment.  I dunno if it's a misconception here or not, but I'm not sitting around doing nothing while I'm asking her when our next date is gonna be... part of the problem is that we're BOTH busy; most of her workload is on the weekends, whilst I'm busiest on weekdays... for example.  What the difference might be, is that the ENFP in me wants to jump on the opportunity to meet and make friends, and so I'm willing to work her into my schedule.  She hasn't neccisarily said that she ISN'T willing to do the same, but if she is she hasn't acted on it yet.

 So... as far as Saul's perspective goes, the problem is that I'm showing her that I'm willing to open my schedule to her... even though I'm just about as busy as she is?

I think that can be refreshing, though. When you're hectic and scattered, you know that your schedule is biting away your social life in large, meaty chunks. And you'd be grateful to find that someone is willing to sacrifice some time just for you. Just make sure it's not taken the wrong way--that you're going to rush out and cancel everything just to be with them, because that's a bit irresponsible and obsessive. Just be friendly and understanding and she'll be grateful that she hasn't frightened you away. At least, that's what I think.

as far as Saul's perspective goes, the problem is that I'm showing her that I'm willing to open my schedule to her

Posted By Psyko on 25 Feb 2010 02:28 PM
Hm... I'm not convinced about you and this girl! Sorry.. ENFPs take things slowly at that age? Is that normal for you ENFP girls? Go with your intuition and don't chase her if she doesn't want to be chased.

Saul is this forum's proven MPUA, so you should listen to him!

?  I don't think the girl is ENFP, tho.