So you are in an ENFP Relationship.  What is it like to be in love as an ENFP?  How do you know?  How do you change? How do you act?  What about not ENFPs have you ever been in love with an ENFP?  What was it like?  did compatibility change?

uuugh! Good Idea for a post Saul! Love just happens to be my absolute favorite topic ever. I believe that love is the most important thing in my existence, and therefore I wake up and fall in love with everyday and everything that happens to me-- the good and the bad because of the wisdom, creativity, grace, and strength I will gain from it. Ugh, deliciousness. Romantic love is the creme of the crop though hehe. For me, I believe that I am "in love" with someone when I look at them and realize that I would die for them.  Funny enough, I usually realize the depths of my feelings while they do something trivial, like describe their favorite type of chips. Perhaps it's the way they laugh, or a mannerism where the blink their left eye when they are concentrating, but it hits me like a train and then suddenly I know that my heart is no longer mine. I have to blurt it out RIGHT THEN lol, the moment I realize it, because if I didn't then my heart would burst from the amount of affection it contains. It's happened twice to me in this life, and hopefully I will be lucky enough to have it happen to me again. My love is intense, passionate, loyal, super playful, unselfish and hopefully pushes the both of us towards being better, kinder, and more of our true selves. I give all of myself to that person, but I expect the same from them... and if I don't get 100% then I leave. I love love. I'll think about this some more and see if I can go into more depth.

I've had ENFP friends - not been in love with one.

The form of my love is something like: Protect the person, and help the person improve their abilities and self-respect to allow them to be able to be more independent. I may want the people I love, but I care more about their benefit than being able to hold them to me. Such is past experience anyway.

I also think its okay to love people in general as friends, without wanting a romantic relationship (which can also be inconvenient at times, especially if they're already in one)

I'm an ENFP. I'm not in a relationship now, but I recently ended one with an INFP.

I really come alive when I'm in love. It's like the whole universe starts to make sense. I'm loyal and protective of my beloved, even if I know she has important flaws. I handle long-distance relationships pretty well. I would never cheat on anyone.

I fall into friendly love easily. If someone listens to my ideas and feelings, they become the center of my universe and I will do anything for them. But if I sense something is off, something that makes me mistrust them, I put them into the neutral zone. Then they get hurt, I feel sorry for them, they become my center again, and the process starts again.....

This causes real problems with my female friends. They fall into romantic love easily with me. I end up losing a friend. I'm almost wary of female friends now. NO ONE besides my fellow ENFPs will probably understand this. When I complain to people about the excessive attention from the opposite sex I receive, no one believes me. They either think I'm secretly bragging or just being weak. Well, maybe I am weak, but it has caused a lot of pain and emotional exhaustion for me. Maybe it makes it easier to find a sexual partner, but it doesn't make it easier to find a soulmate, and that's what I really want.

I fall into romantic love quickly, but only with people who I feel have some sort of awesome quality that I lack (e.g. some sort of emotional, intellectual, or social sophistication/maturity).  It's only happened a few times in my life. I also fall out of love quickly. Thank God, because it's saved me from some awful relationships.

The INFP I was with seemed quiet at first. I kind of just dug into her, probing her inner mysteries. She didn't reveal herself quickly, but she turned out to be brilliant, articulate, deeply thoughtful, and was naturally caring and empathetic. All of the best qualities of an NFP. When I found her, I couldn't believe my luck. It was just a beautiful thing....we spent ALL of our time, every waking moment together. It was like this for years.  I thought we could do anything, change the world, help make it a better place.

But she had a really toxic side.  She was thin-skinned and couldn't respect differences of opinion. I tried to be very supportive, and try to handle any differences with all the empathy and humor I could muster. To no avail. She needed to feel that I worshipped her every thought and feeling completely and totally. She would PROBE me for opinions or thoughts with which she might disagree. If I agreed with 99.9% of what she said, she would raise holy hell about that last .1%.

And it was impossible to hide that last .1% from her. She had brilliant intuition about this. Impossible to hide something like that from an NFP.

Her NFP darkness nearly killed me. She would get into a bad mood and all of her great qualities were suddenly inverted. She was naturally big-hearted, thoughtful, and curious, but she would pick fights over nothing and try to win every argument at any cost. And if you let her "win" the argument, shame on you. She would sneer in contempt at your weakness. She would lose all her natural empathy and snarl with arrogance.

I never would have guessed it from how quiet she was at first, but she became ....sort of a jerk. Lots of acting out, tantrums out of nowhere, demanding affection and forgiveness, needing to be the complete center of attention UNLESS she wanted space, changing her preference in this regard every few minutes...

The other problem with her NFP-ness is that pedestal that she put people on and then kicked off. If you had just met her and were kind with her, or impressed her, you were on the pedestal. You were an angel. She would overlook any fault, think about you constantly, perhaps fall in love a little. For a time, at least. Eventually, you would do something to offend her, or displease her in some sort of inexplicable manner, and you would be off the pedestal. You were boring, contemptable, unworthy of any friendship. I observed this cycle many times with her friends. She deliberately ended almost every friendship she ever had. And then she complained bitterly, endlessly, how no one loved her.
 

Sorry, this post became a bit of a downer. Let me end by saying that I really love and respect a lot of the people on this forum. May peace be with you!

 

And if you let her "win" the argument, shame on you. She would sneer in contempt at your weakness. She would lose all her natural empathy and snarl with arrogance.

I hate it when people do that. uggg

I think I used to do it too, but probrably not after I turned 14.

The force is strong with us XNFPs. But we can turn to the dark side.

Speaking of which, I have a general question for everyone here. What has made them turn to the "dark side"?

My dark side came out this weekend after arguing with my useless ISTJ ex husband I can't believe how childish and immature I got. Luckily, I refrained from attacking him and kept my 'dark side' to myself. It took all my willpower to not try and rip him apart verbally. He attacked me though, so I bring out the worst in him too apparently.

I hate it when people do that. uggg

Oops, I probably mistyped the person I was describing. Probably an INFJ, not an INFP. Always judging others to be unworthy of one's intelligence is definitely a J-type trait.

My dark side came out this weekend after arguing with my useless ISTJ ex husband

Mmmmm....let me guess...were both of you implying that the other lacks sufficient integrity? It actually sounds like you would be a great match, unless you have different value systems.

Lol This_Person! No we were arguing about money. I crushed him and got my way in the end, even if I didn't have any possibility of sanctioning him, since he's my ex. (I pushed hard to elicit his sense of responsibility and fairness and was as objective as I possibly could, even though I wanted to be mean.) 

We were good together for years, but we had to really, really work at staying together and a lot of time was spent, building bridges over our N and S preference respectively. It was very hard work and even though we had a lot in common, we could also feel like the other was a stranger we didn't know at all. We had pretty similar value systems and both of us has a strong sense of integrity. I respect him as a person, but he's not someone I can look up to and think of as my man, a person I can open up to and lean on and feel vulnerable with. He was always very worried, and loved my confidence and sense of security, so it was like we switched gender role positions. Not good for an NT. I know I can be tough, but I need an F to open me up and let me be vulnerable and feel love(d.) It's ENFP all the way for me

What are the signs an ENFP loves you? How will he/she show it?

This can be hard to tell, since ENFPs like to feel like they love everybody and the whole world.

Probably the best indication is whether his actions go against his natural grain. We are the least concrete of all the types (I think), so when it seems like we are taking a lot of real, concrete steps to build something with you, I think we're in the bag.

For example, I hate to clean and do chores, so if I offer to do a lot of chores for you, it definitely, definitely means that I love you. I also hate to plan out every minute of my day, so if I agree to do that, I'm making a huge sacrifice. And when I submit myself to soul-killing social functions just to make you happy, then I want to make sure you're in my life for a long time.

The only thing is, I would do all this for my closest friends, the people I love most. It doesn't necessarily indicate romantic love. Probably the best indicator of romantic love is whether I say something like, "I feel you are my soul mate."

What are the signs an ENFP loves you? How will he/she show it?

One other thing I should say is that you can probably get a pretty good answer if you just ask us. We love talk about emotions & whatnot (with the people we are close with), so if you simply ask us about it, we'll probably launch into this long deep conversation about the nature of love & so forth, and during this conversation we will give a pretty clear indication of where you stand.

Just don't turn it into a guilt-trippy sort of thing, like "ENFP, you don't even love me! No one cares about me!" In which case we'll try to make you feel better and say, "Of course I love you." ugggggggghhhhhh....i.e. just make sure it's a real conversation.

I know I'm in love when I start doing all these ridiculous little tasks that I normally never do .

Like, I never clean anything, but when I'm in love I do so almost every day.

Another thing is: I make damn sure that she never sees me wearing the same clothes twice for at least a month. Well, since we have class together almost every day this is nearly impossible

If you think an ENFP is in love with you, just ask him or her! We love talking about our feelings. So we will always tell you what's on our mind

Oh yeah like someone else said before, I never plan anything. I'd only make plans for my day if this means meeting up with the girl I love. So if you see a ENFP planning anything at all it's already a clue. Well in my case anyway.