Hello Purple Giraffe. Both I guess. As far as my ex is concerned...he flat out told me that's what his friends have said. Yes, I tried talking to him, that's when he made the comment about his friends and that he's having a hard time letting go. He seemed confused but I didn't think it was my place to help him process it. It would have felt too much like trying to convince someone that "you really do love me and want to be with me". That just seemed wrong to me as I believe that, as humans, we each make decisions that we feel are the best for us at the time. Sometimes we change our minds, sometimes we don't. But, we make the best decision that we can make at that present time. He choose to maintain the breakup despite clear conflicting feelings within himself and input from others. He, obviously felt that was the best decision for him.

Overalll, I am curious about the "type" in general since I tend to be drawn to them even if I don't actually date them. So, any information that is given about the ENFP male is helpful or in particular about female INTJ's and male ENFP's in relationships.
Why do ENFP's "sometimes have a hard time letting go"? and is that more so than other types? Do F's have a harder time than T's in general? I realize that we are all individuals and that these are just broad brushstrokes. I find it interesting nonetheless.

My ENFP male friend has talked off and on wistfully about a woman he dated 15 years ago that he regrets letting go. She's now married with kids and yet he still talks about her, somewhat with regret. I advised him to not mention this to whatever woman he is dating at the time, as she most likely won't like it :-P
 

Alysaria, Thank you for your input. :-) I already had a similar "talk" with him a few months ago. That's when he told me about what his friends said and his own confusion. I'd gently asked him, in regards to him not being able to get over me: "what do you think that is about?" He didn't have any idea. Further, he was determined to stick with his decision. I'm assuming because he no longer had "in love" feelings for me like he had at 1st. That's OK. I understand that if he'd wanted to try again, he would've said so. Him not "being over me" was not something that he wanted to take action on. I have no desire to have another talk with him as it seems to be a mute point now.  My feeler friends encouraged me to have "the talk" in the 1st place. It was very uncharacteristic of me. It made me feel kind of dumb and very vulnerable but overall, I was OK with having done it. I didn't want to look back on my life and think to myself "I didnt try".

Now, I'm just trying to process it all so I can make improvements in myself and better understand general NF and NT things for the future.

My male "F" friend told me last night that me being with an "F" is really just the best fit for me. He's right and I know it. I want to get better at understanding so that I can implement, newly acquired knowledge, better in the future. So, when you give me analogies like a puppy running from window to window to describe the ENFP, that helps me TREMENDOUSLY and so then I will be much more understanding the next time around should I date another ENFP. With my ex, I was amused but also felt really overwhelmed when he was running and jumping around imagining all kinds of things. I thought he wanted to IMPLEMENT them right away. But, that wasn't the case. That knowledge would have been super helpful to me then, but since I can't change the past, I am hopeful about taking information that I learn here and then applying it into a relationship in the future. So, my all means, any general info about female INTJ's and Male ENFP's in relationships are helpful.

Thank you to everyone who has offered input and insight. I'm truly grateful.
 

Posted By alysaria on 23 Jan 2012 11:18 AM

1. Mutual respect. If an INTJ doesn't respect someone, they can't be in a relationship with them....and an INTJ likewise needs to be respected by their mate. Without it, you have an insane amount of pent-up frustration that will break free when the first glow of new love wears off. An ENFP also needs to be able to respect their mate, otherwise they will build up a fantasy of good qualities around them that will eventually crumble and end in disappointment and sorrow. An ENFP who does not feel respected does not feel wanted and will start to distance him or herself from the relationship or take on the characteristics of an abuse victim.

2. Independence. An INTJ needs to feel confident and competent, and part of that comes from having time to themselves to assess their goals. ENFPs need to feel free to chase inspiration - feeling closed-off or trapped by a mate is horrifying...and codependency can feel like torture. Both value trust that comes with independence as well.

3. Communication. INTJs have very specific wants and needs....and these must be brought up in order for a mate to be aware of them. ENFPs require reassurance and it's important for them to talk about their feelings in order to make sense of them and process them.

 

Good post

Posted By alysaria on 22 Feb 2012 11:01 PM
http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-forum-inspirers/82707-enfp-break-ups.html

I want to ask you because I am afraid I am going to judge all ENFP's the same but I had a girlfriend whom I loved deeply and we broke up suddenly after 2-3 years as she decided to be with someone else who made her feel more secure. My problem is she refuses to be my friend. I did a lot for her. I picked her up from grave poverty and paid for her housing, transportation, food, internet, travel, College Education!

I think she cannot face how she treated me is why she refuses to talk to me even she agreed after 5 years to be my friend she could not bring herself to it because it would have meant her facing a lot of things I guess so. Do ENFP act this way usually? Is it easy for them to abandon family? When I lost her I lost so much but I did achieve self actualization from making lemonade from lemons out of the situation but I am still heartbroken. It was like losing a child, gf, and wife because she was 20 years my juinior and I pitied her so much in the beginning and saved her. I wonder if I should not go with ENFP again because they cannot be my friend if they screw me over. Difficult for them? Yes or no?

 Thank you for your reply. I am still soaking it in! 

 Really really great idea regarding the guide!!

"He might get comfortable visiting wiht his old pet and get the companionship and intimacy he craves without ever feeling the need to go find a new companion".
Lol. I very much felt as if he wanted to have his cake and eat it too...like he wants the intimacy of the frienship and sharing that we once had without putting himself in the place of being in the relationship and therefore risking "failure" yet again. We're on friendly terms but he's not happy with that. He wants relational intimacy. I don't know any sane woman who would give him this. My heart is 90% healed so I don't want to risk going backwards. I kindly told him this. I have another ENFP male friend who told me he acted similarly to my ex and he did so because he felt guilty and just wanted everything to "be allright". So, maybe this is an "NF" thing. I don't know. I think other types find it more healthy to CUT and move on. I really wish that there was an ENFP male on this thread to offer some input.

Posted By alysaria on 27 Jan 2012 09:44 PM
ENFPs value connections. It's the same way you[INTJs] value competence. 

This circular part of the relationship is so amazing.  INTJ's are so surprised and grateful that someone wants to listen to their sensible logic, and quickly feel a connection with the person.  ENFP's observe some intuitive person offer an insightful remark exactly on-topic, and are surprised to see it accompanied with some warmth.  POW!!! 

Long-term, the danger is that no person can rely on another for everything they need and the fantasy must end.

Long-term, the danger is that no person can rely on another for everything they need and the fantasy must end.