So... I was sitting in lecture in my computer systems course next to a girl who I've (sort-of) known for a few months, but not really talked to much... just about homework and stuff.  As you would imagine for a girl in a computer systems course, she's not the most social of people, very awkward, etc, but also very smart, much more logical than emotional, and pretty much everything you would expect if you tried to form a stereotype in your mind.

Anyway, conversation thusfar has been... well, largely artificial feeling and otherwise mostly-forced (talking about class assignments in classes we shared and stuff).  And I'm trying to get with her or anything, so that's perfectly fine with me.  Anyway, today she brought a little stuffed animal elephant to class and left it on her head for a while, while we were talking before class, as well as during the first half hour or so of lecture.  What was strange was, she said something about how something (I forget what exactly... either the teacher, or some class, or assignment description, or something) was "weird"... so I chuckled and said "says the girl with the elephant on her head."  She gave the little "hey!" -- that wasn't really upset -- and laughed and whatnot, but after that there was a definite shift in the tone of the conversation.  She initiated conversation a bit more, sounded much more natural, and was very clearly (even to me) much more at ease than before.

 

So my question is: "what the hell?"  I'm usually extremely careful not to tease people, even if it's not serious, just because I used to have a problem with it in high school (couldn't tell who was offended by what, hurt lots of feelings, etc, and forced myself to stop being a douche by stopping all of that... which made me a pretty boring person, too, since those were the only jokes I knew how to make, but I considered it worth the tradeoff)... but why would this happen?  Why is someone more at ease after someone poked fun at them?  Are they so used to being teased that it puts them in a more "familiar" situation, or something?  What went on there?

Humor reduces threat. Teasing someone makes you seem more...I dunno...down to earth and less reserved. I personally get really uncomfortable around serious, stiff people....but I'd try to test the waters with humor on my end before abandoning them to the hopeless ocean of boringness. -shrug-

I would guess she doesn't normally have anything out of the ordinary. So, having something out of the ordinary was her way of saying "ask me about it and we can have a conversation". So since she wanted you to notice the elephant in the room and you did she was happy about it. Never let the elephant in the room go unnoticed or unmentioned.

hahah

nah... she apparently brought stuffed animals a fair amount to other classes, too. If she were, in fact, trying to get my attention, and I had known it, I think I would have purposely avoided taking the bait.


But no... I only gave that story because it was the most recent anecdote, since it had only happend half an hour ago (my title was a poor description... sorry). I've seen other people suddenly get more comfortable when people poke fun at them a little too, so I was more interested in the general situation, rather than this specific one. I would have expected that a person would get more defensive, maybe, or that they would be a little annoyed and go find someone else to talk to.

Maybe there's a little positive in there for the attention that you're showing them, or a little relief that you do, in fact, notice something that it sounds like you perceive to be negative (since it's fair game to tease about), but that it doesn't seem to really bother you (since you were only joking). Some small form of.... reassurance that you won't run away from them at the first sign of something you perceive to be imperfect about them?

I dunno. I guess I can find a lot of ways it could be true and make sense, but I just wasn't expecting it.

Yeah, I've seen this come up on another forum. I believe it's called 'negging'.

I think WikiAnswers has the best definition; "Negging is a term used by pick up artists such as in the book "The Game" and "The Mystery Method". It means to insult a girl playfully to increase her interest in you."