I don't know, people are all different. I try not to assume the worst in terms of motivation or intention.

But after hearing about this guy on different threads - won't let go of arguments, excessively boastful and digging for compliments etc... - I'm wondering if he may just be a bit immature or unhealthy.

I agree with Caprice on this one Avery. We [ENFPs] will all occasionally go "fishing" for compliments - I know I've been known to do it - and we all sometimes say inappropriate things and forget to look before we leap in terms of things we blurt out. We want to be well-liked by everyone, but there is a difference between doing things to be well-liked and doing things to be the center of attention. In all honesty, I don't like the be the center of attention. I enjoy being with people, but unless my silly switch is flipped, if I am in a large group I prefer to interact with only one or two of those people at a time. I think it is because I prefer more intimate and/or intellectual conversations.

Unless that silly switch is flipped.....and then you never know what I might do!!

But it seems like this guy either always has his silly switch on, or he's just very immature. Both sound like a person who would be draining both physically, and mentally/emotionally to you.

Posted By caprice on 22 Mar 2011 10:52 AM
I don't know, people are all different. I try not to assume the worst in terms of motivation or intention.

But after hearing about this guy on different threads - won't let go of arguments, excessively boastful and digging for compliments etc... - I'm wondering if he may just be a bit immature or unhealthy.

 

Well, you're right. He's both a bit immature (or childlike? for a 20 year old I mean) and unhealthy (due to extremely harsh past experience), though he's getting MUCH better after my guidiance.

I suppose that's what INJF feels the best when it comes to taking care of a troubled soul. It's the counselor nature within us that can be quite burdensome sometimes.

Posted By lindzmarie85 on 22 Mar 2011 11:14 AM
I agree with Caprice on this one Avery. We [ENFPs] will all occasionally go "fishing" for compliments - I know I've been known to do it - and we all sometimes say inappropriate things and forget to look before we leap in terms of things we blurt out. We want to be well-liked by everyone, but there is a difference between doing things to be well-liked and doing things to be the center of attention. In all honesty, I don't like the be the center of attention. I enjoy being with people, but unless my silly switch is flipped, if I am in a large group I prefer to interact with only one or two of those people at a time. I think it is because I prefer more intimate and/or intellectual conversations.

Unless that silly switch is flipped.....and then you never know what I might do!!

But it seems like this guy either always has his silly switch on, or he's just very immature. Both sound like a person who would be draining both physically, and mentally/emotionally to you.

 

I think that's the dilemma for ENFPs. They wanted to be well-liked but others often seen them as attention whoring (possible due to an immense level of enthusiasm during social interaction), while when they become less active, others thought there's something bothering them (without realizing they've turned off their switch).

He used to be 'very' dark and immature, full of sarcasm and all that, and you were right on about the emotionally draining parts. Though he has become much better now as he has became a sophormore this year. I act more like his parent, as I 'truly' see a lot of potential in him (some of the most touching pieces anyone has ever written is from him) and wanted to encourage him to the fullest (his single Mom has a huge burden raising two kids, and even without jobs for a year).

The reason why I offered my extra attention on him is because of his mother. He suffered even more when his mother constantly flipping out on him (like shouting and getting angry at him in one minute to griefing and crying in another). One of the best compliment I've ever gotten from him (in a form of letter) is that he said what he liked the most about me is he can related to me as friend, teacher, and sometime a parent.   Though now, I'm shutting down from everyone because I'm in a big transition for looking for a new job, plus I needed to take a break for having myself burned out during the past five years (can you imagine anybody working 7 days a week from the past 5 years?)

 

Anyways...wow, I learned so much from interacting you guys, it surely has been a great help! Thanks a bunch!

 Remember, there is also the inherent difference between I and E.  As Es we act, then we think, and then we act more.  We gain energy from our interactions with people.  Whereas Is, even if they enjoy social company, they are drained from these interactions.

When you say attention whoring, I immediately think of my own character flaws (that I discussed on another thread).  And I worry that less-outgoing types may see my extensive talking as trying to be the center of attention.  For me at least, I don't do it to be the center of attention....and I tend to actually be more talkative one-on-one, and therefore I can be at risk for monopolizing the conversation.  I do it because I genuinely am excited and enjoy telling that person what I think because I want to either a) know what their opinion is and engage in intellectual conversation/debate, or b) tell a story that I feel can build a bridge between us....often an observation or anecdote that can give advice or empathy to that person.

Again I use examples to try and "paint a picture" because I wanted to give you some insight into this --- I'm a very visual person, and I think that's reflected in how I talk.

 

Good luck with the job searching process....I'm right there with you girl!!  I've been *out there* for over a year - not fun!!  It is very stressful, so you need to focus on yourself and doing what's best for you.  It seems like you care very much about this guy, but that he is draining you emotionally - and that's not something you need to be dealing with right now with everything else going on.  Just take care of yourself.  You can't carry the world on your shoulders.