I've decided to make this topic to know how many of you have felt the same I feel and share your experiences.

I've always had so many people that from a sudden talk to me. They reach me, but then they go away. They don't ask me to go to parties and even though I know they are good.

Some time I had a friend (that I considered my best friend) that started talking to me and sometime invite me to hang out with their friends, but I rejected the offer. His birthday came. I was quiet, but not timid. Some other friend told him in front of me if he wouldn't invite me. He gave me the card with a map to get to his house but when he gave it to me, he made a face like if he didn't want to invite me. I didn't go to the party.
The next semester everyone changed classrooms and I was in another classroom he didn't was. So, the first day we didn't met. We chat by MSN and he asked me if I wasn't his friend anymore. I told him yes and the next day we met and he was happy to met me. The whole semester passes Ok with my friendship with this guy, but the next he was hanging out with another friend, who I also considered a friend, who I had a constant fight in Middle school. He suddenly stopped talking to me by MSN and became more distant. Some time later a friend, who I consider my friend right now, told me that he used to talk about me in the classroom. Then I started to feel guilty, and right now I feel the same. Because he was the only person I really considered a friend and the others were just acquaitances.

Have you ever feel the same? That some people are your friends and then they just abandon you? That no one ever invites you to parties or reunions but enjoy being with you?

Besides, I'm obese (but I don't look that obese, just fat) and I know that most people judge you just by your cover. They can make you feel the worst person in the world.

Well, to me it sounds like typical drama. I'd outright lay it on the line with your friend - "Hey, I like hanging out with you and I really consider you a friend, but I'm not really sure what's going on." Sometimes people don't realize how they come across and don't really mean to be cruel. However, it's also possible that they've move on and made new friends that have decided they don't want to include you. If your friend can't be strong enough to stand up to that and still be friends with you....well, then maybe they're not worth keeping as a friend.

You're a caring, wonderful person - and regardless of appearance, you've got the kindness and presence to make lasting friendships. I know it sucks to cut your losses - I've had to do so too. But good, loyal friends are better in the long run.

Posted By alysaria on 02 Aug 2009 05:53 PM
Well, to me it sounds like typical drama. I'd outright lay it on the line with your friend - "Hey, I like hanging out with you and I really consider you a friend, but I'm not really sure what's going on." Sometimes people don't realize how they come across and don't really mean to be cruel. However, it's also possible that they've move on and made new friends that have decided they don't want to include you. If your friend can't be strong enough to stand up to that and still be friends with you....well, then maybe they're not worth keeping as a friend.

You're a caring, wonderful person - and regardless of appearance, you've got the kindness and presence to make lasting friendships. I know it sucks to cut your losses - I've had to do so too. But good, loyal friends are better in the long run.

Yeah, it sounded me like a drama as well when I finished writing.
haha

Have you ever feel the same? That some people are your friends and then they just abandon you? That no one ever invites you to parties or reunions but enjoy being with you?

At your age you are not in totally control of your destiny. You are like a leaf on a water. Make sure you keep your grades up so you can get a good scholarship and gtfo. If people are your "friends" and abandon you then it means they have poor character and you should not associate with them. As you get older they will poison you. Unfortunately, you are stuck and school and cant change your social circle. You may have to deal with it and or get a hobby or do charity work. Fill you time so you don't need them.

At this time in your life, kids are all filled with hormones and know very little. I know I know you've heard that 100 times and I remember how stupid that sounded when I was your age. But it is true. I'm 28 and I look at a 22 yr olds as children in knowledge and capability. A child in High School, is just that, a child. There most likely no rational reason why people are acting anyway. Just survive until college.

Rest assured that things will get better as you go off to college and as you get older. 99% of what you go through now you wont even remember. College is awesome.

Besides, I'm obese (but I don't look that obese, just fat) and I know that most people judge you just by your cover. They can make you feel the worst person in the word

As you get older people stop caring about what you look like and start caring about what skills you have and how much money you have. If you work hard you can make good money and you won't give a damn. Besides people that are that shallow and stupid will not make a mark on society. Trust me it is true, I have empirical observation. What is great is that super hot girls never develop the skills to make good money or emotional cope with hard problems so they come flying to guys with money.

Look at my quote below... that which does not destroy you makes you stronger. Being heavy makes things tough for you. You must overcome. As you overcome you will become strong and build the habit of overcoming.

I disagree with that quotation.
What doesn't destroy you also has the potential to cripple you for life, but they never tell you that part.

What doesn't destroy you also has the potential to cripple you for life, but they never tell you that part.

Correct. But if you are strong then you overcome. And you become greater, far greater then you have before and you fight the greatest battle, the one that rages in your self.

I cite the example: Christopher Reeve.

http://www.christopherreeve.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Reeve

He was just some meaningless pretty boy charmed actor. He could have given up after his fall. He could have wanted pity. He could have cried "why me". He could have given up. But no. He overcame. He fought and fought and become not just a hope and inspiration to millions with disabilities but transcended himself as an ordinary man and became an icon . He raised 100 millions of dollars for people with disabilities. He was 100 times more powerful post his accident.

Hardship is just an opportunity to overcome and become stronger. (as long as it doesn't destroy you)

But then some philosophers disagree they say sometimes that which destroys you can make you nearly infinitely stronger. Look at Jesus, Muhammad and a list of other martyrs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martyr

>.> Death as a reward for suffering, regardless of how "iconic" you become, is not my cup of tea. Especially considering how HORRIBLE the means usually is for martyrs... ><

We all have our own trials, but it doesn't mean they have to define us, whether by suffering and seeking pity or a demand for attention for overcoming them. The most inspiring people in my life never sought to be inspiring. They just lived their lives in their own way.

What he said about people in college is very true--especially if you do well in high school and can go to a good college (or else, being ENFPs, I'm sure you could find the ones at any college who fit with you well... but I wouldn't trust myself to, so I sorta needed a good college where I got along with everyone well). There are a bunch more mature people there than in high school. It's also true that the high school stuff can fade from your memory, if you don't dwell on it much after leaving.

More importantly, though: at least statistically, nobody keeps their friends from high school. The university-friends are much, much more often the ones that you keep for the rest of your life. I think it's just cause people have grown up a bit more, and also there's a bigger pool of students... so you can actually seek out people who make real, good friends, rather than finding an ok-ish best-fit among the smaller pool of high school kids. The fact that you're living with the people (in a dorm or whatever), as opposed to just seeing them for a few hours of free time a day, also makes a huge difference in the friendships, giving them time to grow deeper and everything.

^^ exactly.

You raise an interesting point. I can say from my ENFP perspective, and 1 other I have talked to, I feel a stronger need to connect to people and have friends than most people feel. I do think it can make other people uncomfortable, especially I noticed earlier in life in my 20s and 30s. I notice now in my early 40s that other people have figured out how hard it is in life to make friendships, and they value my openness to knowing them more. Or it could just be that I'm more mature.

Hmmm i have kinda the same problem that I never am invited to social events (somehow i still show up, often calling to see whats up), Most of the people I tend to hang out with like me and I dont know of anyone that actually dislikes me. Whenever i show up to the party i am greeted with everyone yelling my name out loud. Is it just that peole dont invite me because they feel like someone else will? Or is it rather that they dont care much if i show up or not and are worrying about their own problems? or an alternative that i dont see lol.

Alysaria, I really agree on that point, in highschool i often seeked out to be wanted or acknowledged by people, sometimes forcing a joke that was just said at a bad time in an attempt to get laughs. I felt that just one year in college made me mature so much, I learned to, as i say, "mind my own business" more, and learned that I get much better reactions out of people. Really just trying to be myself and trying not to worry about what other people think about me, and just relaxing a bit more seems to work in a positive way. And im not trying to say "me" all the time , I come off as selfish even if I act selfless (I never turn down when someone asks for a favor), I find other people more interesting and I guess a problem is that in an attempt to open people up I tell a story, or my point of view on something, which makes me look selfish.

I still need to work on my vocabulary as i have problems saying what i actually want. Im just a goof sometimes