I have an INFJ roommate has been my friend for years and was even my roommate throughout much of college. We mostly get along great and are compatible roommates, but we suck at confrontation (not surprisingly.) It is clear that she is extremely uncomfortable with it. I'm usually not, but her discomfort makes me uncomfortable... In the past, I've let a lot of things go in order to put her out of her confrontational misery. Naturally, this has caused some frustration and regret on my part. I've decided since moving in together again, that I'm not going to let her inadvertantly bully me into giving into her all the time. 

It hasn't been going well. Or, maybe it actually has. I've stood up for my point of view, but she becomes really irrational, offended, and seems to think I'm a bad person because I suggest that my opinion or point of view is just as worthy as hers. She also just takes everything super personally. I don't even know how to communicate with her when she is like this because logic and hard data don't do anything for her. It is like, when I point out that she couldn't possibly be right because of facts that are undeniable (even to her) she looks like she is going to burst into tears and usually huffs off like I am a horrible person. 

Sometimes (and this is the part that really drives me batty) she'll huff off like she is really hurt and then just never talk about it again. Everything is apparently fine. It makes me feel really insecure. I feel like I don't always know how she feels about me. Sometimes I ask her if she is upset at me and she gets annoyed and says that just because she isn't as exuberantly expressive as me doesn't mean that she doesn't care about me. Ugh, I just wish that I could point out her inconsistencies without her getting upset. She acts like there are these unalterable rules about how she perceives things. Like, there is absolutely no way that she could misperceive something.

Blah. Does anyone have advice for getting through to INFJs without hurting their feelings? Is this even an INFJ thing, or is she just immature?  

An anonymous INFJ:

My ENFP friend and I lived together for a few months, and were friends for three years before living together. I also knew an INFJ who lived with her close ENFP friend for about two years. Both situations ended badly, but I'll explain to give you an idea.
In both scenarios, the I and the other INFJ had trouble with the ENFPs' silence/struggle to communicate anger. On the positive side, it rarely happened. On the negative side, ENFPs seem to really hate expressing negative sentiments so when they came out, they were sometimes EXTREMELY negative, or as an ENFJ friend of mine put it, "wicked." My ENFP friend seemed to have trouble communicating her needs for space whereas doing so is not particularly hard for me. Sometimes she would storm onto the balcony and shut the door seemingly out of nowhere and stay out there with her laptop for the whole night, and sometimes she would get angry with me for going to bed early and leaving her to watch television alone.
The other INFJ I knew once had to call her ENFP roommate to pick her up after she had gotten a parking ticket and as far as I know, the ENFP didn't speak to her for a week after that. Withholding strong emotions from us feels like betrayal/abandonment to an INFJ.
Before moving in with my friend, I had had another ENFP roomie for two years and it seemed like though she was interested in what I had to say, ultimately she was uninterested in spending time with me if we weren't doing anything 'cool'. Sorry this all sounds so negative--I can honestly say my ENFP friend is one of my favorite people in the world and has made my life so much better by remaining in it, but I really believe living with friends is almost always a bad idea. The best thing I can suggest is to make sure both you and your INFJ friend are very comfortable being open with each other before tryign to live together, and that you can put your idealism aside enough to get along normally even when you don't see eye to eye. Ultimately, it's the people who are involved that are important, not abstract thinking/feeling if you know what I mean.
TBH I think I was a little more comfortable than my ENFP friend was, having had an INFP sibling and more or less knowing what to expect.

And now you know what we INTJs have to deal with regarding irrational feelings, even when the facts speak for themself  

Enjoy

My opinion:

I'm pretty sure I'm an INFJ,so I'll tell you an "insider opinion",on this problem!

1)She is(like most INFJ,me included)probably quite stubborn about "Her" view of the problem.Don't forget that Ni,(due to the fact that vision and intuition are so clear to us)make us quite stubborn.Plus,Fe.This is another part of the problem...we  tend to take everything personally(in a conflict,we tend to think that the situation we're in is our fault).Other than this,Fe strives for harmony,so we tend to think that we MUST do everything is in our power to change the situation...

We hate conflict,because we think that is always our fault.

Probably your roommate thinks that all of this situation is her fault.

My advice:Write in a letter all your responsibilities of the situation,and tell her that it's not her fault,AT ALL!

Plus,it wouldn't be bad if you told her all her good points...anything good that you noticed since you met her.

I don't think she will forget at all what she felt if listen to this advice!

I think you really are on the right track!

By the way,an INFJ likes to be useful,and she will probably appreciate the harmony this way of confrontation will bring.I think it might be a good way to start!

Difference between Ne and Ni imho: Ne "assumes", because it thinks that there are many possible outcomes/interpretations, while Ni "knows", because it sees the most probable outcome/interpretation alone. Which is, because it is the most probable, right most of the time. Which leads to Ni users being confident in their hunches and abilities, while Ne users think there could be many solutions and all of them could be right (We Ne users don't like to fixate ourselves to one solution - it could be wrong! If you have many solutions at hand, then there is a big chance that at least one of them is right, A does not work it seems, just try B, then C, and so on. One thing that we really don't like is running out of options). Thus the Ni user's confidence stems from them being right most of the time, while the Ne user often seeks other sources of confidence.

Also, I just want to make clear, that inasmuch as I'm not a fan of people making assumptions about me or being stuck on the "one right way," I totally get high off of Ni most of the time. Talking to an Ni friend propels my thoughts to unprecedented heights and literally feels amazing. I think that talking to Ni helps my many scattered thoughts/ideas/possibilities become more focused and make more sense. Sometimes, it is just plain comforting. Ni feels so much more grounded than me.

Oh, the paradox behind Ne/Ni interactions.

Ni to Ne narrows down the possibilities to workable options. Therefore, that which grounds propels to unprecedented heights.

Ne to Ni refines the conclusions it has generated. Therefore, that which widens view focuses the "truth" behind the reality.