Those examples, getting laid off and experiencing a death, are pretty big deals. Remember that she is an introvert. The general way I can explain it is not about the amount of time it will take for me to say something to anyone but who I told first. Who does she talk to about that stuff first and why? I tend to tell my roommate some things first (and even then it might take me a couple days to do so), and the ENFJ I was seeing hated it because she wanted me to share that stuff with her first, but I still sometimes talked with my roommate first. Why? Well, pretty much because she (my roommate) is also an INTJ and we have a lot in common so in a lot of ways talking to her is like talking to a younger version of myself. It helps me clear my head and process, so I can talk about it with someone else who might counter with a lot of questions (as the ENFJ would) and make me have to think/process more. Maybe she just finds that she has to process all the feelings first before she can share and then she comes to you? You then provide even further food for thought? Just an idea.

Is it really shallow to her or is it only shallow to you because your efforts to get closer feel thwarted? Remember, introverts are weird folks. It was always a running joke in my family that people weren't told of things (both of my parents are introverts as are all of my biological siblings), unless we just happened to be on the phone when it happened. I remember when my older brother became LIVID because our childhood dog who we had had for like 12 years had died 6+ months before then and no one had told him. No one had told him because they were living in their heads and he never tried calling anyone during that time. I've since learned that living in this head world doesn't exactly work, so I try to call family members about every week or so. That way I tend to know the most details of goings on, but even then, I still don't always know about everything until a little while after it happens. Does that mean my family doesn't care? No, it just means they are weirdo introverts who spend RIDICULOUS amounts of time living in their respective areas/heads. Then they come out when they are ready.

this thread covers a long duration and that is nice about it. (last year) at first i thought it was the ideal problem of the textbook INFJ and textbook ENFP. something didn't add up so i didn't have an opinion r-bout it. still very curious.

now i learned over time in Nadette's details that she is more unique than ENFP textbooks. also recently i learned weird things about INFJ...holy crap they are so much more headaches and varied than i ''could'' imagine or to handle (i am infj itself, sigh). my attitude changes because in our worse days in relationships...every little thing can come to the catastrophe fast (climax, black-hole-like)...i mean to me other infjs are SO different, especially the males, ya jus-have no clues...me included, yep in this account, i (even) find more peace talking to emotional INTJs for solace (haha).

to mirror this INFJ itch...sometimes i just don't know what to do, what to confront or what to reconcile (because a confrontation and reconciliation are part of relationship but i dunno what to do in these INFJ cases lately in my life). on da bright side it challenges my faith in another person and brightens my belief about relationship in general, sigh! i am glad most times it works out okay afterward so far, unbelievable. SO SCARED! it happens to my ENFP or INFP friend at times, but for INFJs it is suddenly, gloomy, negatively, less trusting, FAST...and intensssSeeeee. SUPER STRESSFULLLLLLLL. but i am glad we have still relationship. it is hard. it is worth it. we are friends, relationship still grows. LOL.

i learn again i don't know humanity so well. it is nice. YEY!