My brother, whom I don't really know (didn't grow up together) or see more than once every year or so, is getting married and for some inexplicable reason wants me to go. However, driving a ten hour round trip and renting a tux to spend a few hours sitting around drunken people I've never met before and will never see again seems annoying to me. Especially since I think he might be trying to get me to perform some task; I'm not terribly familiar with traditional western/Christian wedding practices other than what I've seen on TV, so I don't really know what it would entail.

Anyone got any suggestions as to how I can get out of this harassment-by-recent-common-ancestor?  My current planned course of action is to play it off as if he was just inviting me only to be curteous and politely decline.

This is a situation where you'll have to put other's feelings first and your own second. So what if you have to spend a weekend on him and fork out a few dollars for renting clothes? It means something for your brother to have you there obviously, and you'll have to suck it up and go. Don't focus on the negatives, turn it around in your head. What if it actually turns out to be fun? What if you meet someone that would be worthwhile the drive and the money you spend? And if it really makes your brother happy, I think you should honor his wish by showing up and make the best of it. (What was the task?)

Sorry dude, I'm an INTJ too and as you know, you get the truth from me. You seem selfish and self absorbed on this one! In the scheme of things, a weekend 'wasted' on a wedding isn't so bad...

Posted By Psyko on 28 Dec 2009 01:28 PM

Sorry dude, I'm an INTJ too and as you know, you get the truth from me. You seem selfish and self absorbed on this one! In the scheme of things, a weekend 'wasted' on a wedding isn't so bad...

This is more like it.  By trying to convince someone with whom I don't have any sort of relationship that I would only be inflicting my awful self upon him, I would be able to get out of it!  Unfortunately, I think that ruse would be over the top and sussed out rather quickly.

Perhaps there's some sort of more plausible way of packaging that sentiment?

Okay, how about asking him why it means a lot to him that you are there? (If you really don't know each other.) And then say it makes you uncomfortable with all the strangers and that you'd prefer to 'celebrate' him or mark the occasion, some other way, just the two of you? (Tell him that you are an introvert and that it makes you uneasy to be in a room full of drunk people you don't know. ) Ask questions about his thoughts and feelings and be as honest as possible, without saying flat out that you don't want to go and don't want to spend money on his wedding. Maybe he asked you out of courtesy, in which case, you'll be home free... Maybe he really does want you to be there, and if that is the case, I think you should go.

Weddings are awesome. Cuddles, suck it up and go!

One, it is an opportunity to dress up, and it is always fun to look sharp.

Secondly, the conversations alone will make good stories. Strangers are totally the best! At my brother's wedding last year, I talked to this weird guy who somehow crashed and snuck in with one of my cousins. The crasher was trying to convince me about this guru who sells perpetual motion machines, and how it is a conspiracy by the oil companies to keep others from getting this super secret technology. I have a physics degree, so of course, I couldn't resist the chance to toy with him-- even though I was totally drunk, it wasn't even fair.

Real people are far more amusing than imaginary TV people. So go! Especially if there is an open bar!

So go! Especially if there is an open bar!

Maybe you can attend, but leave immediately after the wedding?? At least show up and enjoy the festivities while you are there. I'm sure your brother would appreciate your presence on his special day.

I don't think there is a good reason to deny someone when they are trying to include you in one of the happiest times in their lives - and when they are family to boot.

Also look at it positively - you're going to meet people you'll never meet again => you're going to meet people you'll never meet again, but who may still be positively inclined towards you on account of your being the groom's brother... meaning this is definitely an opportunity, and one that won't negatively effect you if things don't go well.

Anyway, the INTJ God commands you to go!
(alright, that won't work - but seriously, he's your brother. Go)

btw, I remember seeing a story about siblings who had not grown up together and met late in their lives. They seemed to have a fair amount of similarity. I wondered if that was because their personalities hadn't been conflict with each other growing up, forcing them to maintain their own individual identities... Meaning you might like your bother, now that you're both grown up.