My ENFP sis (5 years older,) has just had her heart broken by her ENTP boyfriend. They've had a very turbulent relationship and have been on and off for almost 3 years, with long periods where they were broken up. During the last few months they have practically split up every other week or so. (No, I'm not exaggerating.) 

It seems that they split up for good last week, just before New Year's. They have trust and jealousy issues and my sis can't cope with it anymore. I'm trying to support her the best I can, but when she writes him texts that she wants him dead and writes me poems about her frozen heart and that she's standing alone in a landscape filled with sorrow, I don't know quite what to do or say. She says that she's just an empty shell and she's only existing, not living. 

I do feel her pain and I want to support her, but I also want to shake her up, making her realize that the break up was for the best. Their relationship was horrible and she was in tears almost every week because of something he said or did to her. 

Any specific advice for me? Can I say or do something to help her through this? Right now, I feel that I'm too much of an INTJ to cope with this. I have also experienced a feeling like she is experiencing, but only for a day or two, before going into problem solving & fu*k him mode, where I'm able to shake things off. 

My personal approach towards getting someone past this type of problem is helping them realize that they have no reason to feel what they're feeling.

On a basic level, the problem is that she still wants him. If she's willing to talk, discuss with her what she got when she was in the relationship, and what she lost when she was in the relationship. Try to make her realize that she wasn't actually getting anything significant, she was losing as much. And that whatever flaws she's finding in herself - things she thinks she did wrong - most likely they are nothing serious that she wouldn't forgive in someone else, so its okay for her to have those problems herself...

Basically, work on restoring her self-image, and on making her realize that there was never really much there and she was just stubbornly hanging on. That she was losing more than she was gaining by being with the guy... and that she's an ENFP, likable, and will most likely find someone else who will appreciate her, and who she can be happy with.

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I recently met a girl who was in an abusive relationship with a boyfriend, who she kept going back to. Apparently, if she was even looking the other way when he was talking, he would scream at her for giving him attitude, and she was all crying about how she wasn't doing anything wrong. Except that on some emotional level she believed she was doing something wrong, which was ending up in her getting beat up. My whole approach there was to try to get her to relax and think about it objectively. If someone else were doing that to her, would she think they were giving her attitude? Would it be wrong? And if its not in someone else, then its not wrong in herself, and the dude is just being unreasonable, and the crap he's saying doesn't deserve to be respected.

Basically -> Detached analysis of the situation, and rationalizing the situation till it makes more sense and isn't purely an emotional issue.

I think it helped her out and made her relax - accepting that she wasn't at fault.

O.O She sounds like she's lacking a good stable emotional support group. Family is wonderful, but sometimes ENFPs just need friends to share our woes. The major issue is that an unhealthy ENTP can be very manipulative.... There's an natural competitiveness to the type that can get out of hand and make them put other people down in order to feel that they're always on top. ENTPs are masters of the debate, able to twist words and meanings and take any side on any matter and make a good argument without really being emotionally invested in it. If your sister is separated from a support group, he could easily twist reasoning to make her feel like she's all alone and he's the only person who could possibly accept and understand her. ENT*s excel at putting up a front and telling you what you want to hear....which makes the abusive ones twice as nasty...because who would believe that a nice, charming person like that could hurt anyone, let alone someone they love? (ENTJs can be much worse, though....since ENTPs can be provoked into a temper by belittling them).

I've had my own experience with an unhealthy ENTP...but one too immature to be more than a douchebag. >.>

Thanks Zsych and alysaria. I've done what you suggested Zsych, but she's wasn't susceptible to that kind of thinking yesterday. She wasn't abused or anything, they just had poor dynamics between them with very good periods in between, that made my sister hope it would stay like that. She loved/(s) him deeply.

I think I'm the only one she opens up to about important stuff, we're best friends. I know she has an enfp friend that she confided in, but the enfp friend got very upset, and mirrored my sister's feelings, so she spiraled downward after talking with her friend.

She's in a better place today, I guess that I'll just have to be patient and be someone she can lean on and try to encourage her to put the relationship behind her, giving it some time. She'll have to take one day at a time and get through the first few weeks or months by 'just existing', before it feels less dramatic I guess. 

Thanks guys