I am an ENFP. My brother is INFJ, which is cool, b/c we can talk and he interests me, but also at times I piss him off & he explodes, particularly he goes nuts if we're working on a project together and I want to change something that he created. Plus he'll ask me stuff like he's mad at me, like he's say "Remember what we said in the conversation?" when clearly I don't. I get that I may wear him down as an E.

Just yesterday he asked me if he could trust me and if I had ever lied to him. I was kind of taken aback -- I've always worked hard to stay in contact and show him I love him, plus we don't see each other that much due to geographic reasons so I couldn't really imagine what would I lie to him about. I'm sure I come across as being naive here.

Does anyone have a close family member who is an INFJ? Have you found good ways to get along? Thanks.

INFJs need constant reassurance. They're like ENFPs, only flipped inside-out....with Ni and Fe instead of Ne and Fi. This means that instead of being wired to external possibilities and desiring inner harmony, they're wired to plan and internally make connections and want external harmony. Feeling as a primary or secondary function typically craves reassurance of some kind. Fi wants assurance that its true to itself....that it's wonderful and appreciated. Fe wants assurance that everything isn't going to fall apart. Stick Ni in front of that and you have someone who reads a reaction, obsesses over it, and jumps to a conclusion....and when feelings are involved, it gets a little hectic.

One of my best friends is an INFJ. Pretty much I like to narrate my thought-processes to her so that she can understand why I do or say a certain thing... She's a physics grad student and recently she's been pretty busy, so I've been relaying info through her husband...my INTJ best friend. >< She took it personally, like I didn't want to talk to her. So I sent her a big long message explaining that I wasn't trying to avoid her and that I just didn't want to bother her while she's occupied....but started following up with little updates just to let her know I'm alive

INFJs are sensitive - they feel personally responsible for everyone close to them. >.> They can also be kind of controlling.....the whole freakout over changing has to do with that....and they're planners. He's sees it as someone who's barely considered it coming in and messing with something he's put so much planning and thought into. Don't take anything he says too personally. They have moods. They pass. Just keep up communication and remember to explain your actions if you ever feel like he's misreading you.

I don't have a brother so I have no idea. I think I only know one INFJ male.

Hey JC.ENFP,

I would suggest finding a middle ground. You have your way of doing things and so does your brother, but when working on something together it requires compromise, understanding, and patience. Perhaps you can give him some verbal affirmation on the work he did do then, try to incorporate and put forward your ideas with his. Make sure to listen to each other. That might actually be the root of the problem. I'm sure it's a misunderstanding and can be worked on.

Thanks for the responses.

I think I'm a little late with this reply but hopefully I can be of some use. I'm and INFJ with an ENFP sibling so maybe I can give you some insight into what it's like on the other side. I think everyone has pretty much hit the nbail on the head and you may have resolved the issue but I'll give some advice just in case as also for future reference.

Plus he'll ask me stuff like he's mad at me, like he's say "Remember what we said in the conversation?" when clearly I don't.

I do this to my ENFP sister all the time and I don't even realise it. INFJs sometimes take on the role of mother and talk to you in a stern tone as if you are naughty child. It's actually our weird way of showing we care about you. But you should bring this up next time he does it. My sister told me it was hurting her feelings and I felt mortified that I had made her think I was made at her when I was just trying to love her. As long you make sure that you are attacking him he shouldn't take it the wrong way.

And about him asking you whether he can trust you and whether you have ever lied to him...it's just like alysaria said. We need reassurance. Our feelings are very easily hurt and sometimes we jump to conclusions and can be a little paranoid. When I have asked similar question to my sister I have offended her as like with your brother she loves me deeply and doesn't have a reason to lie etc. But because the INFJ can be so secretive with their problems they can be a little irrational. Usually when I have asked my sister this it has been my strange way of asking her: "People have been hurting to me and I love you so please don't hurt me as well." He probably won't talk about it but maybe ask him what was on his mind to make him say that (without sounding like you are attacking him. Like I said we need reassurance). Even though he might not tell you it's nice to know that someone has noticed that there is a problem and cares.

I hope I have helped, even if it was just a little bit. I know us INFJs can be difficult sometimes

Thanks, Holly.

OMG! This thread has been so helpful to me! I'm an ENFP married to an INFJ. My dh definitely has the extra need for reassurance. It seems that my reassurance really helps us get a long better. Also, reassuring him through his love language has helped a lot too. If you haven't heard of love languages, they are the ways people prefer to give & receive love. There are 5 & most people have 1-2 preferences. They are Physical Touch, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, & Quality Time. My dh's is Physical Touch so if I put my hand on his arm or my arm around him when I'm saying something reassuring it makes the most difference. HTH & thanks to everyone who responded as well!

O.o I've come to the conclusion that my love language is words of affirmation....sometimes I feel really pathetic for needing just the tiniest crumb of reassurance from my loved ones.

I've got two INFJ brothers and I'm also an INFJ myself, but a girl.
Just remember that they need alot of space - My older INFJ brother gets irritated if people talk to much. He likes the quietness.
Be aware of the way you say things.. Be mild..

INFJ's are always touchy.

INFJ's are always touchy.

INTJs and ENFPs can be touchy too, but they are touchy for different reasons. My sister is an INFJ and we had trouble getting along for a looonng time until she realized that my not really liking her ENTP husband wasn't a reflection on her and instead that he really is just a jerk to her too often (and that I *TRIED* to be nice to him just for her). But just because nobody else would say anything publicly except my ENTJ sister-in-law about him didn't mean his bs wasn't bs.

All I can say is that INFJs can be funny. You just have to realize that they need space and they do need reassurance. Try telling your brother that you love him (or care about him) pretty frequenty, if you don't already, and just be there. INFJs tend to really like stability. It might feel awkward to be so reassuring but it definitely works.

Purplegiraffe, you said this perfectly. INTJ and ENFP can and are equally touchy, although its probably somewhat easier for an ENFP to admit it. I read many of your postings. You have a real grip when it comes to comparing yourself as an INTJ with ENFP. MY BF is an INFJ, and he for sure needs reassurance. I love that he appreciates stability, after-all isn't that the foundation to the start and end of a healthy relationship He is very amusing, makes me laugh lots. He also very intellectual, loves his space, peace and quiet. He has many attributes and habits of an INTJ, although the NF we share, just flows naturally.

 

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Fi wants assurance that its true to itself....that it's wonderful and appreciated.

Alysaria's quote that I found here is very insightful. I have a perfect example from my personal life in mind right now.

Let me ask: are many ENFPs conflicted about this need and wish to be more self-sufficient emotionally? I'm trying to find out whether that's an essential Champion trait or not.

I'm not entirely clear what you're asking. If you could expand, that would be appreciated. Thanks

are many ENFPs conflicted about this need and wish to be more self-sufficient emotionally? I'm trying to find out whether that's an essential Champion trait or not.

Hmm.. I am not really entirely sure about what you are asking here either.. But if you are asking about ENFPs in their regards to being emotional - read this:
http://www.enfpforum.com/Home/tabid/55/aff/2/aft/1174/afv/topic/afpgj/3/Default.aspx

The comment I wrote (15 Dec 2010 09:59 PM) is about this. In basic, ENFPs are no less emotional then INTJs. That is a misconception and a very poor assumption to make..

Alysaria pointed out that ENFPs have a need for assurance that they are wonderful, to be appreciated.

What I'm asking is, do many ENFPs dislike feeling this way - in other words would they rather not need frequent reassurance?

To be quite realistic, every human has the need for approval.. This is not based on personality type..

I think that almost everyone would like to be self-sufficient and not need affirmation from others. Wouldn't it be great to always be content with yourself and never need someone tell you to how much they appreciate you?

Most unfortunately, everyone needs reassurance and affirmation. (Some need it more than others, mind you.)

I really don't think that I need frequent reassurance emotionally. What I do need is to connect with others in meaningful or fun ways. Approval is always nice, especially with people that mean alot to me. A genuine compliment feels good. But it's not as if my sense of self worth crumbles if I'm not kept on a slow drip.