Normally I wouldn't ask for help but I'm pretty desperate.

As you have probably guessed from my posts I adore my ENFP sister. She is in a lot of pain right now and I think she just needs someone she can confide in but I don't feel like I am doing enough.

About 9 months ago I moved out of the family home to live with my nan. They all think it was because I had been bullied at school (which meant I had to leave) and that I needed to get out of that place. That's part of the reason but there's more to it. I really can't stand my mother. I hide it really well, even my ENFP sister hasn't noticed that I dislike her so much. There's plenty of good reasons for this but I don't feel comfortable talking about it and this isn't about me.

I;ve still remained in regular contact with my ENFP sister and she visits at least once a week. She's a really happy person, always makes people laugh and smile But she's extremely depressed and nobody has noticed and she has begged me not to tell anyone. She is depressed because of the way my mother is treating her. I have found out that my mother is pretty much doing to her what she did to me. My sister will sponteaneouly burst into tears (only around me) and she feels so lonely. She can't talk to anyone else about it because the rest of the family don't seem to be able to understand deep emotions and she feels like she can't talk to my mother about problems because my mother can say really mean things. I don't want to go into what she says as my sister asked me not to say anything and I feel disloyal enough posting this on a public forum but I really don't know what to do.

I want to confront my mother. She even says unkind things in front of everyone. But my mother is super manipulative and if I do anything it will make it worse. It will make life unbearable for me...but I don't give a shit about that...but most importantly it wll make life unbearable for my little sister. I know that if I said something when they got back home my mom would fly into a rage at my sister and be even more resentful towards her.

So I don't know what to do. I often think about taking her away with me. If I had enough money and a stable job etc I owuld let her come and live with me. The whole family are moving into my nan's house with me in a month so she will be with me then (it's a complicated situation. I'm not pleased about it as I moved in here to get away from my mother, but at least my sister will be with me).

I just want to take her away with me but I can't. She keeps having moodswings because she bottles so much up and then releases it during inappropriate situations. Sometimes her behaviour even angers me but I understand why she is doing it. But they all think she is a problem child because that's how my mother pretty much treats her. All she needs is someone to confide in, that's all. I try my best to be there for her but I don't live with her. I also feel guilty for moving out but I had had a nervous breakdown because I couldn't take anymore and I moved in with my nan to recover. I'm so worried that my sister will end up having a breakdown too because history seems to be repeating itself.

Thank you for reading this. I know it is confusing and it all sounds like one big soap opera.

Stage One: ENFP will start feeling a bit lonely and disconnected. They will think it's just a stage that will pass, and will try to ignore it.

Stage Two: The ENFP will start feeling even more lonely, this can usually be brought about by having a hard time with family or feeling like they are insecure in their relationships in general. Stage One increases, and the ENFP will start feeling anxious.

Stage Three: The ENFP's feeling of anxiousness will become overbearing, and they may feel extremely insecure when talking to other people. They lose the quick wit and charm they used to have. The smile will because more nervous and the laugh will become less natural. They will still be trying to convince themselves it;s just a stage that they are going through and that nothing is wrong.

Stage Four: ENFP will most likely hit shut down mode. They will not talk to other people about their feelings or what is going on unless asked specific, prying questions. They will have a really hard time talking to people and feeling like they can relate. They will start coming across as an introvert.

Stage Five: The ENFP will be extremely stressed, lonely, and emotional. May start bursting out randomly and be extremely moody. Will experience periods of highs and lows. The ENFP may start crying over something seemingly insignificant. They will do this because there is so much bottled feelings up inside and that may have been the last thing to set them off edge.

Stage Six: The ENFP will start lashing out at other people like above, but more extremely. Will most likely show complete and utter disregard for authority. They will also start hurting the people they care about, to make them back off and go away. All the while the ENFP, through the stages, will try to convince themselves that nothing is wrong and that they will get better, and thus the problem worsens.

Stage Seven: They will finally admit to themselves that there is a problem but try consciously to contradict it. They will try to force themselves to relax and be wonderful again. They will try to establish the facts- what the problems is, how it went wrong, and what to do.

Stage Eight: If it gets worse at this point, the ENFP will not be acting like themselves at all. They will not be thinking clearly, and will most likely suffer from being illogical, irrational, and as well may suffer from extremely headaches. They will give up on caring and will not pay attention to the world around them, instead focusing all of their energy into their inner world of what they feel and dwell on it. They will no longer have any motivation to care or do the things they love.

Stage Nine: Your ENFP will start enjoying dark humor ad freaking other people out for the hell of it, especially the people they care about. However, at this stage they will not do this too extremely to the people they care about because their is that small piece of the ENFP that wants to hold the relationship in tact. They will push you away and drag you back in, and become and emotional roller coaster for anyone and everyone around them. If you ask what is wrong, the ENFP will completely shoot you down unless it is in a structured environment and they think that you are somebody that they can trust. However at this point the ENFP will become extremely untrusting, so talking to them about anything is much like walking on fragile glass about to fall apart and break forever. The ENFP will hold grudges.

Stage Ten: Complete personality turnaround, the ENFP will have lost it, or will have appeared to. Complete emotional instability and recklessness. They will be completely and utterly impulsive to the point of stupidity. They will not care about their well being or anybody else's. At this point, the ENFP will be so far in their heads it will be nearly impossible to get through to them unless you sink to his or her own level of insanity and instability. They will have given up on life altogether, and will most likely have forgotten what it was like to really feel alive and well again.

I too think that there is pain... and guilt. I mean, she feels like she gets well... emotionally abused, but she thinks that her mother wants the best for her, because... well, she's her mother. Because of this she feels guilty. If you want to help her, then you must make her recognize that the guilt is not justified.
Because once the guilt goes away, she can actually let herself feel the pain underneath it, and only then it can go away. Yeah i know, feeling pain is not something we like, but once you actually feel it, and i mean really allow yourself to feel it... then it becomes transformative.

The next paragraph contains an opinion/personal observation, and is not proven yet:
I think a problem with dominant Fe types is their arrogance that the problem is never at their side - it is always someone else who is guilty. They can be really unstable, their unhappiness with themselves turned outwards - not like Fi types, who are likely to turn it inward.
On the other hand, Fe types can be really happy if they feel like they are helping you. If they feel they are 'steering you into the right direction' (wherever that might be) they are happy. They tend to have problems with people who don't want to be 'steered into the right direction'.
Now, if their idea of 'steering you into the right direction' does not match with your attitude that you don't want to be 'steered into the direction of what another person thinks is the right direction' (an ENFP attitude, maybe?), they tend to try harder to get you into that direction. And then, it can get out of hand... said manipulation can occur. And if that does not work... it can get really ugly... the unhappiness with the situation gets turned onto the 'cause' of the unhappiness. And this leads to saying mean thinghs. It turns from nurturer/teacher to manipulator to tyrant. If such an attack comes, there is only one weapon against it. Stay calm. Regardless of what they say, regardless of how they attack you. Stay calm. If you do this correctly, this turns the tables and they recognize that they may be part of the problem. If you attack them back, or get depressed, then you are only feeding their anger - you give them a reason to be angry at you, since you obviously are a bad person to argue with them. If you get depressed, then they see that their manipulation/being mean is working - and in their state, this may very well give them satisfaction - it proves that they are right and that you are wrong.
Oh, and something else - if they want to load the guilt onto you - refuse to take it. Simply say, "no, that's not how it is".

Back to the dealing with pain. We build roadblocks so that we don't see the pain, and we use to block the way so that the pain cannot reach us. This may seem extremely counter-productive, but it works - i know this because i have done this myself. Pain is not something to be afraid of - it is completely natural to be in emotional pain every now and then. I would go that far to say that is even healthy to feel the pain every now and then. Like i said, the guilt is now blocking the road to the pain, so it cannot reach her.

See it that way - if you don't allow yourself to feel the pain, then it will be naggin away at you in the back of your mind. And that is what builds the depression. It's the constant nagging in the back of the mind that is telling you that something is not right - that something does not feel right. There is a saying that if you repress pain, it turns into suffering.

 Now, again, you are 18, and your sister is probably younger, and well, here is what i would do if i had a younger sister... (I mean maybe this can be harder if you are younger... i don't know)  
 Assure her, that, whatever comes, you are at her side. She probably feels really alone now, since she probably thinks her own mother is hostile to her. Assure her, that, however weird and unlogical it sounds what she is saying, assure her, that you will not judge her. This is crucial. If she tells you all, and i mean all, she will probably feel miserable for a time - this is because telling somebody our fears, guilt and the emotional pain we are in makes us relive those emotions. But! Assure her, that you have an open ear for her. That you don't judge her. If she is able to get out all that garbage in herself that lurks in there, and allow herself to feel it, than it will go away. 
I believe that you can make it.
Interestingly, once it all has been said, we can change the topic quickly to something more happy - if she does this, then it is a good sign - actually, i think, with us ENFPs, anything is a good sign, if it gets us out of that 'everything is numb' state. (That's part of the reason why actually feeling the pain is important - it may not feel nice, but it at least feels... alive)

Btw, i am not contradicting with what aly said (I really hope i am allowed to call you aly, am i? ) I just wanted to emphasise how important it is to not let it become some garbage that lurks in the back of her mind and eats away at her.

So.. *deeep breath*. Long post... serious topic... Need ice-cream.
"Ice cream, ice cream, lalalala" (Who wants one too?)
Oh no. I don't have ice-cream at my house. Well, then i will take a cold apple juice spritzer instead. Close enough.

This is a bit unrelated, but i find it interesting that quite a few of ENFPs seem to have problems with a parent that is they think is an ENFJ...

her J was really harsh, perfectionistic & unaccepting.

I felt bombarded when I got into cognitive functions and I gave up before I even started...but I urge you not to
There are eight different cognitive functions.
Ne - Extraverted Intuition
Ni - Introverted Intuition
Fe - Extraverted Feeling
Fi - Introverted Feeling
Se - Extraverted sensing
Si - Introverted Sensing
Te - Extraverted Thinking
Ti - Introverted thinking
And you have Fi Slipcore if you are an ENFP. An ENFP's cognitive functions are Ne - Fi - Te- Si

This might help you
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ENFP#Cognitive_functions

Definition of the cognitive functions
http://jamesbkim.com/content/definition-cognitive-functions


There are better articles out there that are more informative but when you are trying to get your head around something you don't want to be overwhelmed with details. So I found that as a beginner these articles were better for me. Tell me if these aren't working for you though And it took me a while to eventualy pick it up so don't worry if it seems confusing

And if you want anything on enneagram let me know I would post link but I don't want you to feel overwhelmed (I used to ask people on other forums to help me out and they just used to shove links down my throat..)