'k, so I've been thinking some more. What exactly are you trying to hide from this girl, unexpectedvisitor? Did you break up just because you felt intimidated? I mean, having these wonderings in my head would drive me to all sorts of unnatural crazy if I was her.

No, I was actually personally going through some really really dark periods of my life. I was feeling displaced and vulnerable after my parents were divorced that year, and without much support and carrying some fear and bitterness, I found myself acting out of character and my entire lifestyle reflected this in school.

I couldn't create good psychic boundaries or establish healthy friendships with good people, and this fragmented feeling caused me to seek relief in strange drug addictions (not terribly hard drugs thankfully) and alcohol. This made me totally conspicuous in my community, because the school's Baptist tradition maintains a certain covenant that doensn't tolerate alcohol on campus, and we all agreed to it, in order to live together.

Under normal conditions too, I haven't had addictions before, and I would avoid this because of my genetic predisposition to alcohol. But I was continually being reprimanded for acting out drunk- in class, at organized school functions and dances in the streets of Minneapolis alone, often acting out demeaningly to many girls, missing my court appointments addressing my citation for under aged consumption, leading to a night in prison. I think my girlfriend noticed this and seemed almost psychic about my need for healing. She took responsibility in telling my family about my craziness and had me meet her own family and gave me encouragement.  

My girlfriend may have had equal internal battles to resolve too though. I wasn't equipped to handle these at all, but I tried to anyway, and mistakely attempted to fix problems that she had confided to me by making myself available romantically. Strangely her distress was attractive to me, and I would describe her as Histrionic at the time. Her behavior was literally this:

"Histrionic personality disorder is a condition in which people act in a very emotional and dramatic way that draws attention to themselves.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

It sounds like you made the right decision. You both probably need to focus on yourselves for a while, develop your own goals, and independence. There is no way you could possibly meet her needs as it sounds like she may need professional help. It may be best to just create distance. It sounds like she is viewing you as a savior-figure, if you know what I mean. Like, she is pinning her self-worth on making a relationship with you work. From my perspective, you need to absolutely cut ties as much as possible and make it clear that you are not interested. Never waver before her. She will pick up on it immediately.

First off, i'm confused - are UnexpectedVisitor and jonkarf the same person? I've noticed the post count is very low for both of you and I got confused by the jump in conversation. But I will answer Unexpected Visitor's questions on the ex in a minute. First, I have to thank (him) for the razor sharp insight in detecting this ex's behaviour, and sensing her motives all which are bang on. Kepp trusting that shadow Ne UnexpectedVisitor, you sound like a well developed INTJ.

Firstly, there's one theory that I have been working on in terms of type relationship compatibility and i've also been doing alot of research regarding the 'grip' of our inferior functions (Naomi Quenk writes in the grip which gives a good overall picture but I don't feel goes into depth enough). Earlier, in my first post I said it appeared to me as though we fell in love with our third function, this I still believe to be true, but it is only a partial picture of the whole story. Instead my whole theory that provides a dynamic big picture view of romance is that we go for those with the opposite expression of our dominant function - so for ENFP the Ne/Ni attraction, then theres also the Te/Ti attraction, Fe/Fi attraction and Se/Si attraction. But then ALL types want to have the switched auxilary and tertiary function of their partner - so again, for the ENFP/ INTJ it's Fi/Te and then Te/Fi respectively (but for an INTP/ ESTJ it would be Ne/Si and Si/Ne respectively). This is because the auxiliary function is how we activate ourselves to serve those around us, and th Tertiary is our resting state - so each partner sees value in whether their partner is resting or activating themselves. But now comes the real meat of my own personal theory - delivered a la ENFP epiphany. This theory hasn't been written or hinted about elsewhere, but a joint use of Ne/Ni takes into account several symptoms and fills in the blanks. So, all four functions have the same amount of energy in them, distributed in a power over the function: functions power over you ratio. So, as you work your way down the psyche, the first function (for ENFP Ne) you have complete control over. The second, you have slightly less control, but it has more power. The third, you have even less control, and it is even more powerful over you, and finally the inferior: you have almost no control over how you use this function - it 'takes you over' as Quenk is wont to say. This is why most people dislike their inferior function because it represents a kind of animalistic helplessness of which they are ashamed. But, my point: the inferior function IS YOU, and you use your dominant to neutralize the world around you so as to allow your inferior, fed by your tertiary, a psychological place to flourish. This is why the rewards won by your dominant function are almost tasteless to you (for ENFP the insane amounts of social charisma, for INTJ the ability to optimise everything) and we all, living healthy and stable lives, continue to search with a sense of urgency in the pit of our stomach. To take myself for example, I have a vision, and I craqve the ability to stick through my plans and see my visions through to their conclusion without being discouraged at the first sight of a hurdle. This is not because i'm flaky, but because I am absolutely not equipped for the panic of trying to do something (and failing) and the frustration of really wanting something and watching myself fail and fall over clumsily at the first slight bump is morally crushing. I'm also afraid of being rejected when in this state (rather than the default state where everyone usually loves me). The irony is, if you defeat this, and stick with it through the pain, your inferior function leads down the royal road to the subconscious, where it's cognitive partner is lurking, ready to super-boost so that whatever your inferior is you have potentially the best use of it of all the types - for example, ENFP's Si is super-boosted by our Ni (working at a bar, and planning my trip away, I have noticed myself becoming super organised, and respected highly and knowing exactly what is going on at all times and exactly how to solve any problem, people AND functional. And yoga helps me keep centered when the panic starts to rise. It's like an insane super-power , and I notice people nstinctively leaning on me, and trusting me, leaving me in charge and informing me of EVERYTHING despite the fact I have no technical authority. I make them feel safe. My vision for this workplace at least has been actuallized because of the development of my inferior function). This also means that the partner of our dominant (Se) is at the very bottom of our subconscious, so though we can transform a situation into a happy one long term and with a whole lot of complex factors, we are almost compleely unable to know how to take advantage of the moment and enjoy ourselves with the resources we have available to us: thus our greatest fear, being boring and over-thinkinng things - knowing that people only want to hang out with someone who is insanely fun. The trick is realising the value in other modes of existance, which happens when we first fall for an INTJ for their Ni. I think the real source of the enduring attraction between these two types though is that our Si (who we are deep down) sees and is insanely attracted to their unthinking unflected Se. Now, for an INTJ, who's inferior is Se they can super-charge it with Ne on the other side of the subconscious door but they will never attain the deep meditative enjoyment of things being done *just so* in an enduring routine (but as ENFPs we will make sure we follow the bst routine of all the options available, especially with our Ni). So, rinse and repeat - an INFP is strongest as a Te/Fe, INTP - Fe/Te, ESTJ - Fi/T, and so on, and so forth. As I said, it's just my own personal theory, but it seems to make alot if sense.

Okay, now to unexpectedvisitor's problem. You're probably right - she is scanning you. But what happens when I walk into a room, my Fi wants to be of service to those around me, so that I notice someone who is emotionally detached or distant - no matter what the reason, and with no long term motives in mind - i will approach and try to de-activate using whatever methods I can (mime, etc). What this sounds like to me is that she as of yet doesn't have access to her Ni so does not see that the long term consequences for her behaviour is you falling for her, and then feeling abandoned when she wonders into a different room with a different set of emotional conditions. Unfortunately, ENFPs use the social as escapism, things only get real (Si) when we are alone, so she is allowing her Ne to play with possibilities and for things to hang indiscriminately open, although were she to rationalise it with her Te or do some Ni long term planning, she would see what the consequences of her behaviour are and stop toying with your feelings in what for her is a situation that is not entirely real (Ne experiences the social cognitively, which is why you doubt for the fact she truly cares for you, and feel patronized constantly. We patronize everyone, but we can't help for the fact that Ne does in fact make us superior in social situations, and we do have to dumb it down. What is ironic is that you have the potential to be more powerful socially then she and I am sure she must subliminally recognize this). The key solution here is communication. If she is using her Fi to try to be of service to you then she obviously does care about you, but she hasn't got her own shit sorted yet (you could probably help her with that - and transform those feelings she has for you into the real deal as you will be helping her with her vulnerabilities. As an ENFP i can testufy that we are used to getting shitloads of approvsal for things most people find difficult but when it comes to simple tasks we bumble around like morons leading most people to judge us which, lets be honest, hurts our feelings, as it means alot for us to be good at something and to be trusted with stuff and see whatever vision we might have come to fruition. We need someone to gently and kindly help us and then give us the push when we need it. Same with the INTJ and their Se I imagine). The real kindness you could do her is ball up and communicate that you a) dont want to be seen as an option, so for her to tone down her Ne (but explain the future long term implications of this, otherwise her Fi might read it as intimicy issues on your part and her Ne will be stimulated to pursue you) or b) you'd like to be an option, but you would like her to take it seriosuly. For her to take it seriously, she needs to be able to take the rest of her life seriously, which means it needs to be workable and functional so she gains access to her Ni, which she would probably need your help with. The cruelest thing you could do is just cut contact with her. As an ENFP I know that Going through several friendships hasn't always been a product of me 'getting bored' rather people have suddenly cut contact and I have no idea why so I have scoured forums which ask whether people like ENFPs (the fishing for compliments) or what people dislike about us. The majoritu of the feedback is positive of our first two functions (Ne, Fi) which leads me subconsciously to want to improve them, which sabotages me further as I continue to do things like the incident you described above which alienate my true friends. So I have to thank you for your clarity of vision in seeing what she did to you, and for your honesty in sharing it here: it's very caring as it can help other ENFPs know what their problem is socially.

And here is the relationship compatibility chart I drew up a while ago - though I have not yet added the stuff about the inferior being your defining function.

PARTNER FORMULA

Rules:

Ne: Extraverted Intuition:

Ni: Introverted Intuition

Se: Extraverted Sensing

Si: Introverted Sensing

Fe: Extraverted Feeling

Fi: Introverted Feeling:

Te: Extraverted Thinking

Ti: Introverted Thinking

Find dominant preference opposite:

1. Ti/Te,
2. Ni/Ne,
3. Fi/Fe,
4. Si/Se

Which reverses the inferiors:

1. Fe/Fi
2. Se/Si
3. Te/Ti
4. Ne/Ni

Middle two prefs (how you serve the world, resting state) swapped:

1. Si/Ne-Ne/Si,
2. Fi/Te-Te/Fi,
3. Ni/Se-Se/Ni,
4. Fe/Ti-Ti/Fe

Principles:

Your dominant mode (either perceiving or judging) is complemented by the same type of perception or judgement, just in an opposite expression: Intuition attracts Intuition. Thinking attracts Thinking, Feeling attracts Feeling, Sensing attracts Sensing.

Your activation mode which you use to benefit other people (auxiliary) is the resting state of your partner, meaning you find attraction in them doing something you find useful and beneficial.

Your Resting mode (Tertiary) is the way your partner activates themselves for other people, and their expression of this mode is more nuanced, if less powerful.

Inferior function (which you view as your weakness and find it hard to reconcile with people who have this fuction as dominant) is the last function of your partner.



So... (had this in a table but stoopid fb docs don't like that)

INTP/ ESTJ

Primary

Ti/ Te

Ne/ Si

Si/ Ne

Fe/ Fi

Shadow

Te/ Ti

Ni/ Se

Se/ Ni

Fi/ Fe



INTJ/ ENFP

Primary

Ni/ Ne

Te/ Fi

Fi/ Te

Se/ Si

Shadow

Ne/ Ni

Ti/ Fe

Fe/ Ti

Si/ Se



ENTJ/ ISTP

Primary

Te/ Ti

Ni/ Se

Se/ Ni

Fi/ Fe

Shadow

Ti/ Te

Ne/ Si

Si/ Ne

Fe/ Fi



ENTP/ INFJ

Primary

Ne/ Ni

Ti/ Fe

Fe/ Ti

Si/ Se

Shadow

Ni/ Ne

Te/Fi

Fi/Te

Se/Si



ISFP/ ENFJ

Fi/ Fe

Se/ Ni

Ni/ Se

Te/ Ti

Shadow

Fe/ Fi

Si/ Ne

Ne/ Si

Ti/ Te



ISTJ/ ESFP

Si/ Se

Te/ Fi

Fi/ Te

Ne/ Si

Shadow

Se/ Si

Ti/ Fe

Fe/ Ti

Ni/ Ne



ESFJ/ INFP

Fe/Fi

Si/ Ne

Ne/ Si

Ti/ Te

Fi/ Fe

Se/ Ni

Ni/ Se

Te/ Ti



ESTP/ ISFJ

Se/ Si

Ti/ Fe

Fe/ Ti

Si/ Ne

Shadow

si/ Se

Te/ Fi

Fi/ Te

Ne/ Ni



What Socionics.com has to say about your duel (though I suspect the socionic chart for who your duel is is wrong)

“Dual partners are like two halves of a whole unit. They usually understand each others intentions without any need to say a word. Dual will naturally protect your weak points and appreciate the strong ones without asking for anything in return. Interaction with your Dual allows you to be yourself without the need to adjust to your partner like in other relations. This often saves both partners a lot of energy which they can use for their own interesting activities. Conflicts between Duals are very rare and if there are any, they are normally short lived and solved without pain. Your Dual partner will love you just for what you are and if there is such a thing as true love then it could probably only occur in relations of Duality.

However, nature has played a little trick on us. It is difficult to notice your Dual partner among all the other types and even easier to pass them by. Usually during first contact extroverts think about their introvert Dual as ordinary and simple, therefore not deserving their personal attention. In return introverts consider their extrovert Dual to be too good for them and therefore unattainable. Both positions usually belong to people who had a lack of Duality interaction during childhood. The magnetic effect of Duality becomes obvious when partners do not see each other for a while. Only after being together for a fair amount of time do the partners start realising how much they need each other. Finally, these relations are most suitable for friendship, marriage and family life. To have a Dual partner is irreplaceable if you have to compete or survive in a socially dangerous environment.”



Order of functions and meaning:

1st – Dominant: This function is how you greet the world. First to develop, and the way you gain energy. Natural comfort zone is within this mode, so nuanced use of function.

2nd – Auxiliary: This is how you ‘activate’ yourself to serve those around you. Nuanced use of this function but exhausts to use.

3rd – Tertiary: Tertiary is who you are in your ‘resting state,’ most people will resist showing this part of themselves to the general public as it appears to each individual to be their negative conscious side. Since they gain their self esteem and self respect from a confident use of the first two functions, and the last two conscious functions are so oppositional, they tend to be hid and resisted against developing. Non nuance but powerful use.

4th – Inferior: This is the function we most dislike about ourselves (and others, when we see it manifest in them) and we will resist developing this as we are not confident in its use and it tends to have more of a control over us then we over it. When stressed, a very negative form of this function/ (and/or shadow personality? Still not sure) tends to manifest itself. Also, Naomi Quenk wrote in 'In the Grip' page 7, that the same amount of energy goes into all four of these functions. But the fourth function energy is majorly sub-conscious not conscious and so is strong yet child-like in its manifestation (whereas the first is adult from a young age). Also, if we don't exercise this function enough, it can slip take us over when we're fatigued or stressed, with limited learnt control on our part.



Shadows (these labels come from John Beebe, ENTP, who had a dream ‘characterising’ each of the shadow function, these archetypes I find too specific to be convincing principles, but the explanations are my interpretation, and there has been relatively little research/ theorizing around these functions)



5th – Opposing: This function is where you are critical of yourself and where you see your own weakness as lying. Also the function that you are most attracted to in a partner.

6th – Which/Senex: According to Beebe, this is the function you use to do harm to others. But in my experience I rather see it as where you see yourself as vulnerable to other people doing wrong to you. Maybe it’s both?

7th – Trickster: According to Beebe it is through this function where one acts childichly, churlishly and deviously, not sure I follow his logic, or have even got the explanation right. An example of my weak Ti (as an ENFP) for example would be the fact that I am blindly sending this entire document to someone I barely know. According to me, this function is an accepted weak point, but does not cause much stress or consternation.

8th- Demon –As your eighth is the same expression as your first function (ie, if you perceive extraverted first, you also perceive extraverted last. Also, if you judge introverted-ly first, you judge introvertedly last.) You have almost no control over this function, and (though I’m fuzzy on the manifestation of it) use of this function often leaves you with a hangover, knowing your behaviour was uncontrolled, but unsure how to remedy this situation. Also, due to your leading function, you often get yourself into a position where you are faced with situations requiring strong use of this function. This is where a partner with this function in inferior becomes a point of attraction as you are not turned of by their unsubtle use of the function, and need the strength of its expression (I think). It is through this first function that you can inform your partners inferior function to make this less of a source of frustration for them.

Some people are better at using some functions over others, and not necessarily in chronological order (for example, very often the fifth function is used better or more often then the fourth. Still need to work out the why’s and wherefores of the order of functions and correlated strengths of usage. I’m sure there is a system.)







Though according to this forum () it works like this:

Most psychoanalysts say the functions develop like this:



“Dominant

Auxiliary

Tertiary

Inferior

Shadows (5,6,7,8)



Lenore Thomson says they develop like:



Dominant

Auxiliary

Shadows (5,6,7,8)

Tertiary

Inferior”

Not sure the whys or hows though.



To work out order of functions from four letters



Principles:



ExxP: means that someone’s dominant function is extraverted perceiving (aka Sensing or iNtuiting), with their introverted function judging.



ExxJ: means that someone’s dominant function is extraverted judging (aka Feeling or Thinking), with their introverted function perceiving.



IxxP: means that someone’s dominant function is introverted judging (aka Feeling or Thinking), with their extraverted function perceiving.



IxxJ: means that someone’s dominant function is introverted perceiving (aka sensing or iNtuiting) with their extraverted function judging.



Ne/ Si are always paired together (intuiting about external world, sensing through the internal world)



Ni/ Se are always paired together (intuiting about internal world, sensing through the external world)



Fi/ Te are always paired together (feeling intensely internally, responding to organising the external world through thinking)



Ti/ Fe are always paired together (thinking intensely internally, responding to organising the external world through feeling)



Whatever your 1st function is, its pair will be fourth.

Whatever your 2nd function is, its pair will be third.

Whatever your 5th function is, its pair will be eigth.

Whatever your 6th function is, its pair will be seventh.



Your shadow functions always follow the same letter, with a different expression as your conscious expression: ie ESFP would be Se Fi Te Ni shadowing Si Fe Ti Ne.



All xFxJ: use Fe as dominant or auxilery as determined by their extraversion or introversion preference



All xTxJ: use Te as dominant or auxilery as determined by their extraversion or introversion preference



All xFxP: use Fi as dominant or auxilery as determined by their extraversion or introversion preference



All xTxP: use Ti as dominant or auxilery as determined by their extraversion or introversion preference



Path of Actualization:

To reach your potential you need to develop your third and fourth function. I believe it is through your third function you fall in love, as having someone comfortable with you in your ‘resting state’ (not just when your activated or in dominant use) validates its existence and opens the door for you to develop your FOURTH function, who’s use you have very little control over. However, it’s marriage partner, that feeds and informs it’s use for true powerful expression is just through the door on the other side of the subconscious. What's significant about THAT is that the being able to wield both Si and Ni nigh simultaneously makes this function the true power-house of our personality that I believe our path of actualization pushes us towards. Of course, at least until that point where all necessary conditions are met we will default back to Ne. Speculation, perhaps.



Philosophical ponderings….

Which all posits a rather philosophical question in terms of religion. How is it that humans are such perfectly structured and elegant systems and that we have in our possession all the necessary tools to understand ourselves? Does that connote a higher ‘designer’? Or is it just simply a matter of perception, that we understand ourselves the way we do because we are programmed to comprehend the universe through a series of systems. Could evolution have sprung into being such a complex and apparently chaotic, elegantly synchronous systems such as humans? How do animal personality’s manifest themselves. What does it all mean???

Ironically, traditional religious doctrines, which try to prevent people from thinking or analysing too much, prevented them from discovering this path which may just point at an ultimate creator. Or not. Who knows? Not I.



ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Definition of each function and what it looks like dependant on function order. If I can get this into some sort of chart formation life would be sweeeet. This is what I’ve found so far on Introverted Feeling, but it’s only the first four functions.



“As a Dominant Function, Fi leads IFPs to live a life based on empathy and harmony between self and others--and/or to see life as a never-ending conflict between souls that are intrinsically different and opposed. ISFPs typically seek out a space in which they can be completely and spontaneously themselves, following their artistic impulses without regard to social expectation or definition of any sort. Some do their best to live life as a soap opera: creating and living out intense drama wherever they go. INFPs typically seek to understand the world in terms of drama, emotion, and people seeking their own unique callings (perhaps Garrison Keillor is a good example of that). Some, like John Gray, attempt to help others understand each other through empathy with each other's differences, and thereby find peace and synergy.

Developed Fi naturally leads people to favor mercy or forgiveness for people who have done heinous acts--anything from theft to murder to genocide--acts that, under the ordinary laws that make a society manageable (see Extraverted Thinking), would usually merit their imprisonment or execution. From a developed Fi perspective, the criminal is still a living soul, still unique and precious despite whatever he may have done. If we walked in his moccasins for a while, maybe we could see it his way. Without condoning his crimes, maybe we could see how we ourselves could have done the same things under similar circumstances. This use of empathy as one's ultimate anchor of orientation leads to a resolute non-judgementalness. First empathize--find something in your own heart that lets you see how someone could feel and act the way he did--and then you will probably find that you no longer feel hatred or a desire for retribution.

As a Secondary Function, Fi typically leads EFPs to tune into the unmet needs and callings of others--as an avenue to making a sale, as a way to intuit what would entertain people, as a channel to political gain by demonstrating that you understand people's pain (e.g. Bill Clinton), as a way to chart a course through life based on a calling felt to be unique to them. Sometimes it leads them to sense a higher calling to answer to, a sense that their actions have cosmic meaning by virtue of how they aid or hinder life.

As a Tertiary Function, Fi typically leads ITJs to retreat into solitary actions that have no constructive worldly effect but are aimed at providing a justification for calling themselves good people. Another example is obsession with the purity of one's soul. For example, being a vegetarian while working at Taco Bell--not out of any great love for animals (the person might hardly know anything about what cows are like), but to be able to say, "Well, at least I never ate any animals." Or engaging in pointless acts of honor, like maintaining super-self-control or "doing one's duty" or going down with the ship. Nothing is gained by going down with the ship; it's a hyper-introverted act aimed at providing a rationalization for one's goodness without regard to real-world consequences. Nearly all of these tertiary-Fi acts involve refraining from action viewed as unethical rather than taking positive action that would accomplish something. They're a retreat from the world--or rather, a rationalization for disregarding worldly matters.

As an Inferior Function, Fi typically leads ETJs to acts of self-destructive hedonism, creation of opera-like drama in their lives and the lives of those around them, obsession with "integrity" (like going down with the ship), instant and irresponsible abandonment of anything they don't like (the opposite of going down with the ship), and bizarre solitary acts of atonement for the harms they've done to others. Sometimes inferior-Fi leads ETJs to preach and even practice a sort of hyper-selfishness, e.g. Ayn Rand and the Landmark Forum. "I'm doing fine, so why should I give a damn about you?" (Very different from highly developed Fi, which leads you to see all people as connected and the highest joy of life as the experience of that connection.)

Tertiary and inferior Fi also sometimes lead TJs to view large numbers of people as "troglodytes": soulless or stupid creatures whose rotten situations in life derive only from their own intrinsic rottenness-of-soul. To take a comic example, Lex Luthor's lamentation in Superman, "Why is the world's greatest criminal genius surrounded by nincompoops?"

Perhaps the most typical manifestation of tertiary and inferior Fi is an attitude of psychologizing other people: a sort of pseudo-empathy in which one explains other people's behavior in terms of pitiful needs and psychological flaws that anyone would be ashamed to have. "Notice the defensiveness. He clings desperately to his ideas. Such weakness." (Nearly all psychological theories offer plenty of ammo for psychologizing, including Lenore Thomson's ideas.) Where developed Fi leads you to find something in your own soul in terms of which to truly understand someone else and see things their way, tertiary and inferior Fi typically lead you to find something in your own soul that you despise, in terms of which you can "explain" them and justify putting them down.

Naturally, you can see plenty of dominant-style Fi in ETJs, secondary-style Fi in IFPs, and so on--even inferior-style Fi in IFPs.” As quoted from (http://greenlightwiki.com/lenore-exegesis/Introverted_Feeling)

Hi guys! I was googling around ENFP / INTJ relationships after a dating disappointment (great spark, great dates, then she lost interest or apathy took over, but of course ENFPs don't move on as easily as INTJs), but wow, FlammableMuffin, you blew my mind with your posts on the first page. Haven't gotten to the other pages yet, but will in time. Even though we're both ENFPs, your thoughts and feelings and issues are EERILY like mine.

I used to be an ENFP inside a little shell, which did me no good, though I really developed my thinking side. Now I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin, because I can be extroverted and I don't suppress my feelings. It was also harder to realise I had a problem when I was feeling depressed, for perfectly valid reasons, so I just stayed shut up.

So looking forward to reading the rest of this thread.