I don't really see why politics are relevant to this thread. It's kind of trolling to take it in that direction without some clarification. I really do think the socialist comment was a dig. It's especially annoying to make a dig, then back peddle and pretend you didn't when called out or questioned, but rather say diversionary nonsensical stuff and pretend that it means something or answers the question. It's basically gaslighting. I'm saying this after it settled and I've read comments over the course of several days.

I don't like passive aggressive or mind games.

O for the love of all that is green in Ireland

It is called introspection people. You look at what you believe in and you measure yourself to it to better understand yourself. The socialism comment was phishing, and it got his attention. Something he believes in and then he has something to measure himself against, and try to achieve that which he doesn't measure up to yet. So you need to sit down and ask yourself questions of who you really are. No dig at anyone and no politics and no superiority 

And it was meant for BirdsallSa and not anyone else. You did it your way I did it mine.

I wonder if the disconnect is that in the US, the word "socialism" tends to be viewed negatively, with those being labelled it as if they are lazy, etc. This connection might not be felt in other portions of the world, but it is generally often an insult here to be called it, instead of just being a outlook on life. I can see Stripes point. Because Birdsallsa's family is having so much financial difficulty, it would be pleasing to think of a poltical outook that allows for financial egalitarianism. However, because in the US, "socialism" is often linked with one being slothful, etc., then the comparison serves as more of a jab than anything else since BirdsallSa has shared that he failed out of college. But I could be wrong.

I wonder if the disconnect is that in the US, the word "socialism" tends to be viewed negatively, with those being labelled it as if they are lazy, etc. This connection might not be felt in other portions of the world, but it is generally often an insult here to be called it, instead of just being a outlook on life. I can see Stripes point. Because Birdsallsa's family is having so much financial difficulty, it would be pleasing to think of a poltical outook that allows for financial egalitarianism. However, because in the US, "socialism" is often linked with one being slothful, etc., then the comparison serves as more of a jab than anything else since BirdsallSa has shared that he failed out of college. But I could be wrong.

 Socialism is also often linked to communism, and in the UDSSR instance of communism, the lack of incentive to do something (regardless how much you do, you always earn the same, and if you don't do anyting at all, you still won't be fired) lead to people being lazy... in the DDR - the eastern part of Germany that was once linked to the UDSSR - people had to wait forever for their "Trabbi" (an automobile), because production rate was that low. Basicall you ordered it when you became 20 and got it when you were 35-40...

There are other forms of socialism... like for example Democratic Socialism, which is the "system" here in Germany. The idea is that everyone deserves certain things like clothing, housing, gas, electricity, health insurance . In the inability to serve for yourself (the original idea was that if you are unable to have a job due to disablement or that you just lost your job), the state gives you a certain amount of money and provides you with basic housing. However, there are some jobs that pay for so low - and once you get over a certain amount you have to pay taxes - that you get almost equal money just from being unemployed (IF YOU ARE SINGLE AND DON'T HAVE KIDS!!!) since you get like half or a third of the money you normally get from your job - AND the state pays for housing, gas, electricity, health insurance, etc etc. It gets worse, because not having kids and not having a partner makes you move around in tax classes so that you pay much more taxes than people who have a partner and/or have kids, making getting a job even more "unprofitable". Normal amount of money you get from being unemployed is like 350€ a month. Now if you are alone... that is a lot of money. You need around 150€ to live relatively well - you have enough food to eat, enough water to drink, and can even get an evening beer now or then if you don't take the super-fancy brands. You still have 200€ left for clothing and "luxury stuff" like television, computer+games, etc.. It is those single people who make the system get a bad reputation, because basically if you are single, all you ever need to do to live on normal standards is to become unemployed. And what do you do with your spare money? - many invest it into beer and/or cigarettes. People who are unemployed, single and still complain that they don't have enough money, should ask themselves if they really need stuff like beer, cigarettes and expensive video games, or just get job imo. Imo they even get a little too much. 250€ would suffice, and give those people a real incentive to get at leas a small job. By the way - getting a small job of up to 100€ does not diminish your "unemployment salary" and getting a small job of 400€ (which doesn't make you pay any takes at all) leads to you having 160€ extra per month (the difference of 60€ from earning an extra 300€ is very little in my opinion however. Should be around 100€, so a third, instead of a fith)
 BUT If you have like 3 kids and a wife, and both of you are unemployed... both of you get 350€ a month, and both of you need at least 150€ for basic living - leaves 400€. You get 130€ for each child in the household, BUT that money is deducted from your "unemployment salary", in essence this means you don't get anything for your children. Let's say you care for your children and cut back on your own stuff so that your children can have more - let's say you are able to cut back to 100€ - it is still very little money, because children cost alot more than adults (one person once said that each child costs around 150.000€ until they leave university - university is free in Germany thank god). In this scenario at least one of them should go to work (by they way this way they also get "children money" of ~130€ per child)...

t is this disparity between single people and families, that is unjust about this system.

I am sure it was BirdsallSa. But there was method to my madness because I understand better than you think. And I am sure it would have helped you in the long run if it wasn't for me needing to explain myself to those Two Old Taggless Teabags who were sticking their selfrighteous noses into other peoples business.

And caprice that is my acitive aggressive. Like I told you before I don't do passive aggressive.

So thats me done on this tread

Hey Stripes, it's a forum, not a Scooby Doo episode.

Still don't buy or get how "After reading your post on this thread I think I understand why you love socialism," equals inviting introspection. Probably because it doesn't. And anyone that is so evasive that you have no idea what the hell they are saying aside from the constant nagging feeling that you are being insulted or played or used is potentially troubling. Asking for clarification is key. If you don't get it (or it really doesn't make much sense in actual context) then consider communication means nothing and there is an underlying agenda which has nothing to do with you.  If someone is actually invested in communicating with you they will try their best to clear things up and not act like an enigma and make you feel crazy for seeing the obvious.

If said person also has a strongly ideologue position that they have pursued again and again and again it's a bit of a tip off.  It wasn't Socialism by the way.  

 Hey buddy, I know I haven't posted here in like....forever....but I saw your post and what you're going through and I just wanted to say I feel for you.  What you are going through was me in high school and to a lesser extent early college. 

I think you made a very keen observation -- you realized that you have to decide that you want to change.  The first step in making a change is acknowledging that a change needs to be made.  But you're wrong is that it's something you "just do".  Yes, some people can do the whole cold turkey philosophy, but for most of us we have to make gradual change.  Either that or you need a complete shock to the system.  

I can't remember, but did you move away for college?  I think for many of us [ENFPs] we sometimes hit the road running and don't stop until we crash when those gates open...especially if we had a rough childhood/family situation.  

And while I think moving away from home is good and necessary, sometimes it's not the best thing right away.  Heck, I was suicidal in high school and didn't even want to go to college, went to college because I was expected to (I went to class because I genuinely enjoyed learning, but I was completely lost as to what I wanted to do), lived on my own in college, went through cycles of depression mixed with recklessness (and pushed myself and put myself down way too much), moved to a city across the state after graduating, became severely depressed, moved home after a year, decided to go to grad school in a completely different field as an attempt to counteract my bad experiences, lived at home and dealt with crap from my family for 18 months of grad school and for almost 2 years post-graduating, and just this fall finally got a real job, moved 500 miles away, and am not looking back.  For the first time in a very very long time I am honestly happy and content with my life.  I moved to NYC and I love it.  But I'm 26 years old, I'll be 27 in 4 weeks.  Had I moved here at 18, or 22 - it likely would have been ugly.  I simply wasn't ready - emotionally, physically, cognitively.  It's not an easy process.  We hit roadblocks, we fall down.  But we get up.  And sometimes you realize you have to crawl a bit before you are ready to walk, even if we're stubborn and want to walk right away.  But when you're ready to walk you'll florish.  You just have to find the right path. 

This sounds like something I could have written in high school! Please, please don't let this depression set in, and get you into a rut.

I'll tell you a secret. I failed out of high school. I only got to tenth grade. I obtained my GED at 16.

My teachers used to tell me I was brilliant, that they had never had such a bright student. I was dynamic in class dicussions. I am an original thinker.

But, I was chronically unorgainzed, undisciplined, and l-a-z-y. I decided it was beneath me to complete their petty assignments. I read more than my classmates, and pursued my own, far more interesting, studies. I may have kept my test scores high, but my inability to do any work outside of class crippled me completely.

You know, I read about a study that was done with two groups of elementary school-aged children and marshmellows. The kids were told that they could have a marshmellow now, or they could wait for a determined period of time, and get two marshmellows. The study followed the kids, and marked their progress as they grew into adults. The children who waited out performed, by far in every category, the children who wanted the marshmellow immediately.

I belonged to the group that wants it, and wants it NOW! (Admittedly, I am still like that in regard to pursuing my love interests. Sigh.)

School came easy to me from a young age. And, at a young age I was disciplined. I was at the top of my class, and was very competitive and hard-wroking. Once I turned 13, and fell in with a rotten group of friends, all hell broke loose... I am still recovering from the damage I did.

Now, I have to go to community college to make up for my GPA and I am starting school late (I could have started at 16, but now am 19! To think I could actually have been ahead of my high school classmates still causes me pain!). Coming from a backround of family and friends who are high-acheievers, it can feel mortifying at times. I am a chornically under-achieving.

Don't fret, you can change this! It is challenging work, but one day...reality bit me in the ass and I realized...I have to work. Every day. Consistently. Not in explosive bouts of Herculean productivity, only then to sink back into procrastinaion and distraction. At some point, maturity catches up, and you realize how damn scary it is to waste your time not actualizing all of your potential. You fully realize, it is only you that gets in your way. I used to be the Empress of Excuses. I am still getting over it. Every day is a struggle. But, the good anxiety is motivating me now. It's the impetus to do.

You need to find yours.

You must find what makes you tick. And constantly remind yourself the only way to get to point B is to consciously try each day to make some step in the direction of getting better.

Will it. will it. will it.

We're on the same boat, I usually don't go to my classes and I usually fail on the first and second part of a semester. But when the third and final part starts, my game begins and... boom. I pass with flying color. lol

Well, I actually like it that way, I'm not really a studious type of guy; I just rely on stock knowledge and my 'spider-sense-that-I-believe-what-I-am-writing-is-right' thing. Most of all, I love the thrill of failing at the first and the middle phase then smile victorious at the end.

Fail... FAIL:

First
Attempt
In
Learning

Sir, if you want to change then stop looking at yourself as what you are today, start looking at yourself the way it should be. What people always do is look at the present, most of them don't understand that there are hundreds, if not thousands of possibilities of what they will be. If only they just put an effort to look into it. If you think you will fail, you will. If you think that you're the worst, you will be one, just wait and you'll see. But if you think that you'll be successful, no matter how lame your methods will be, you will.

"I always had this thought of changing myself, but how do I start?"

Plans, sir, plans.

Here's what I want you to do:

*Make a promise, that from now on you're going to dedicate yourself for improvement
*Go get a planner, a notebook, or a journal will do (But I like the planner, personal favorite.)
*Then make a schedule what you should do for a day, at the end of the day, check all those things that you have done.
*After finishing the tasks for a month, go see for yourself the changes, and what other plans should be made for improvement, etc.

This was the game plan that I made for myself, so take note of this as an example:

Saturday
-After washing the dishes at 1:00pm
go to the gym and pump iron until 4:30pm

-4:30 go home, rest, shower then eat dinner
-8:00 play computer games
-10:00 Speed read hard subjects and topics of Consular
Practices and diplomatic procedures for Monday
-10:15 Sleep

Sunday (Introversion Elimination Day)

-3:00pm After home chores, go to the Mall and say 'hi' to
200 women at random, always smile (Note: Wear
very nice clothes.)

-6:00pm Play Tekken 6 at TZ with friends (Note: Don't pay
anything for the games, convince friends to pay for you.)

-7:00pm Go to the Jazz bar and run the well-laid scripts on some random girl.

-10:00pm Home, think what happened about the approach. Failed part-of the script? Revisions.


Etc.. Make one for yourself dude, but as what I have stated above, promise to yourself that you will abide to it or else all will be nonsense.

@DarthKobold- "...get up like you mean it."
This is what I plan to do. I have realized that I am inherently unsatisfied with my lifestyle, and while it will be a tough journey, I will do so.
@Emergentnfp- "I told myself I was good at things, that everything was actually easy, and that the mere fact that they were there to do, as a challenge, was reason enough to do them, and do them better than anyone else could. And overnight I started doing things on time or before the deadline, started doing more things more quickly, stopped wasting time, started on projects I'd been putting off for months to years, and to like myself instead of hate myself. And I never looked back."
I am an extremely competitive individual. When it comes to the activities I love, I want to be the BEST in the world at them, therefore, this approach seems like it has a lot of potential. I have a feeling once I've begun the process, I won't look back as well.
"2. About doing things: If you have medical reasons that you can't work hard or concentrate, that's very different, but that's very rare, and is usually treatable. I would probably diagnose as ADHD, but I have never needed more than a stiff coffee to concentrate, and usually nothing."
I actually do have ADHD-PI, with all 9 symptoms, when only 6/9 is needed. :/.
"If you think it's stupid, the world's gotten to you."
It hasn't. The more cornily ridiculous the potential solution, the more interesting and doable it is, for me.
Also, that list was very specific, for which I must thank you. It seems like it has a high possibility of working, given what I know about myself.
@lindzmarie85-"I think you made a very keen observation -- you realized that you have to decide that you want to change. The first step in making a change is acknowledging that a change needs to be made. But you're wrong is that it's something you "just do". Yes, some people can do the whole cold turkey philosophy, but for most of us we have to make gradual change. Either that or you need a complete shock to the system."
I'm rather certain I couldn't do the "whole cold turkey philosophy". Gradual change is my only possible course, considering how compulsively my day goes, all day, every day. Admittedly, I am rather disappointed in myself because I haven't started on this gradual change yet, although I have been hanging out with my close high school friends over the break a ton and my mind hasn't really been on it. Also, I didn't realize just how much I had missed my friends. I was able to be my ridiculously dorky self with them, and had the best time I'd had in.... many months.
"I can't remember, but did you move away for college? I think for many of us [ENFPs] we sometimes hit the road running and don't stop until we crash when those gates open...especially if we had a rough childhood/family situation."
My family situation is pretty awful... honestly, the point where I started drifting off the pavement into the barrier was probably when my mom got a job to keep me in my GT school, since I had to drive to school myself without being forced to do so...
"But when you're ready to walk you'll florish. You just have to find the right path."
For some reason, I have an image of Pilgrim's Progress in my head right now. Honestly, while it's intended to be a christian allegory, I utilize it as an allegory for life, with the goal being happiness instead of God (it's just that Christian's happiness revolved around God).
@raven-haired- This sounds exactly like me up to when you say, "And, at a young age I was disciplined." I have never been disciplined. It's honestly rather odd to consider how much of my personality is my ADHD-PI (diagnosed a year ago), but it's not really a thing which I can ever truly discover. At any rate, I always hated working in any form, and would only do it when my back was against the wall, procrastinator-style. It was the best way for me to focus, because I got a pseudo (sometimes actual) adrenaline rush out of it. I've always worked best under crushing pressure. However, in order to be successful, I obviously have to do my work at some point, and once I stopped doing the work, I didn't started again. I didn't have any motivation. Now I have it (or at least a going to use it), and with the holy grail of medicine, motivation, and discipline, I will be able to pull myself out of this rut.
"You must find what makes you tick. And constantly remind yourself the only way to get to point B is to consciously try each day to make some step in the direction of getting better."
This is an excellent point.
Thank you. I wish you luck in your endeavors.
@Chess-"First. Attempt. In. Learning. -FAIL"
You have an interesting way of looking at things. .
Also, in regards to the number of possibilities, it's technically infinite.
In regards to plans, I completely agree. I need a plan. A very specific one... and while regimenting my day may seem a bit foreign to me (ok, extremely foreign, not in the sense that it's a new idea, just that I've never done it, even though I know I should try it).
Also, I'd enjoy playing you in chess. I was a champion as a kid (I've gotten worse since I was a kid, I stopped playing for ten years).

 Hi BirdSallsa, you are not alone in this. I can relate to what you wrote. Only that I already finished school and now working.  I'm chronically tardy and I can't get myself to focus.  I can't finish many of my projects.. My boss and workmates say I'm smart but I can't seem to get the "admin" stuff done.  These get me really depressed and anxious and recently, my self-esteem is getting affected too just as you are.

I've changed jobs a couple of times the past 2 years because of this  It's good that I learned about MBTI and what my type is. I starting to get to know myself better.  I'm considering pursuing a career and getting a therapist or something.

The whole point is, let's get to know ourselves more and try to find ways to better ourselves to survive in this non-ENFP-understanding world.  We can't expect other people to understand our "failures." and the least we can do is feel sorry for ourself for being US. Let's do something.