So, I'm no ENFP or anythin', but I've, on more than one occasion, expressed that my closest friend is an ENFP.

He continues to baffle me... I find myself saying "I don't understand (you)" often, which leaves me feeling a little helpless and frustrated with myself.

Alas, there are some things I don't understand. ENFP's affinity with strangers?

ENFPs and chasing things they can't have?

You see, my friend, he's someone I don't understand.

It seems he pursues something for the sake of it. Once he gets it, he depletes it of what it offers, and then moves on.

This, I don't understand.

This, I can't relate to.

Why wouldn't someone want... a bond? Something wholesome?

Am I just weird?

I hope he doesn't read this.

ENFP's affinity with strangers?

In many cultures stranger has the word root as danger. Neither may be true. Strangers are people too with the same hopes, dreams, potential brilliants, faults and beauty. Just because a book is strange doesn't mean it doesn't hold great and useful knowledge. Most books are not worth much. But if you find the right one it can change your life.

Once he gets it, he depletes it of what it offers, and then moves on.

What do you mean? Maybe ENFPs look at people like resources the way INTJs look at things and books?

Why wouldn't someone want... a bond?

Everyone wants bonds and friends. Even you, thats why you are here. Its a matter to a degree. You only live once. have fun.

ENFPs are constantly seeking. They're intrigued by things that are different and want to understand what it is that's different, why that's different, and how that correlates to their own viewpoint. When someone withdraws that from us, we become even more determined to get that information. Once we get it, we generally try to learn all we can from it [and have some fun in the process].

What do you mean by "Why wouldn't someone want a bond?" Do you mean to say he doesn't? That's a bit strange, especially for an ENFP...O.o

There *are* no strangers to an ENFP. Why should there be any awkwardness with people just because you haven't met before. Everyone's a potential friend, and it makes my day to make a random person laugh.

INTJs have the driving need to be the best at whatever it is that takes their interest. ENFPs have the same passion, but it comes from understanding people and exploring possibilities. INTJs are like a laser. ENFPs are like a strobelight. >.> If you focused an ENFP's energy into a single point.....they'd spontaneously combust.

Wow! Very well put Alysaria. Ya, definitely would explode if I had to focus all of my energy on one thing! Give me variety or give me death!

I just feel like even though I regard him highly in my mind... I'm not really that special or anythin' (not that I thought I was before) since there are so many others?

This is the core of the matter, isn't it? INTJs have trouble separating the comfort ENFPs have talking with strangers and making new friends with their own relationships. We want people to be comfortable around us. We want acceptance and connections. But INTJs see a constant threat....as if they're in imminent danger of being replaced. -_-;;; That's just not the case. We may have many bonds, but only a few of them are really strong....those are the ones we seek out and enjoy talking to and squeezing the life story from. They are not easily replaced....at all. They're rare and special and we treasure them as such.

Even so, he verbalized that I am not his best friend.
Then what is it to him? What am I?
I just wish there were a person who needed me like I need someone. You know? Well, I guess you don't. Oh, INTJs.
If there were someone who's as downright lonesome and unfulfilled, I would reach into my pocket and pull out for them an imaginary smile.
You wouldn't get of me that from first glance. All I really want to do is make someone happy. That'd make me happy.

Exactly. Just because we talk to or, like Alysaria put so well, try to make other people feel comfortable around us, that doesn't mean that you are not special. I'm sure your ENFP friend thinks you are very special. If he didn't, he would just move on.

From my own experiences, when I form a close bond with someone, I mean a REALLY close bond, they are like a sibling or, in the case of a romantic partner, like a separate piece of myself. I (and I don't know if this is due to being an ENFP) kind of breathe people in, keep them for myself. I do thrive on my interactions with other people, with strangers or other friends. I like to be around people. I like the kind of electricity a room of people gives off. I like being alone with someone I love and cherish (both friends and lovers) as well. It's just a different kind of pleasure.

I'm pretty sure that's the Extrovert in me. Your friend is an extrovert so I would think he might feel similar.

Even so, he verbalized that I am not his best friend.
Then what is it to him? What am I?
I just wish there were a person who needed me like I need someone. You know? Well, I guess you don't. Oh, INTJs.
If there were someone who's as downright lonesome and unfulfilled, I would reach into my pocket and pull out for them an imaginary smile.
You wouldn't get of me that from first glance. All I really want to do is make someone happy. That'd make me happy.

It could be that maybe he just isn't that person. Sometimes us ENFPs can be cruel in that we may focus intensely on someone for a certain amount of time and then move on to focusing our attention on someone else. I do that and it sucks because I can see how used that would make someone feel. I don't mean to and, actually thinking about it, it makes me angry with myself. I never want anyone to not feel special. It's just hard to focus all of your energy and love in one place.

I can't pretend to know that that's the case with your friend. I'm just getting a handle on this MBTI stuff but I have read that ENFP's get bored easily in relationships and such. I know I do.

Yesterday, he told me that he believes he's not the one who could "help me out of my rut".
Am I in a rut? If so, then I've been here forever and I've worn in the floors, pacing nights.
I don't think he understands that I've bared my soul to him. I can't do this with people easily.
I feel like shit, a bit... I can't do it. I don't want to do it, you know? I'm teetering on the edge of the abyss.

 

Also, he's not the first person ever to have said I seem depressed. I'm not sure if I feel depressed. o.o I'm not overly ecstatic and my life is certainly disconcerting and consequential at times, but it could be worse. I don't know. Perhaps I'm simply nuts.

People in general make me uneasy.

This is all a good reason why getting close to people is hard. >_> Events unfold in a heartwrenching manner and I cannot be saved. T'is why I prefer the shadows in the first place.

It is okay to bare your soul to someone and them not return the act. It sucks ass but you'll find someone to reciprocate. I know it's hard and you feel rejected but you'll get past it; you will not die from the rejection alone.

Sounds like you shouldn't expend so much energy on him. He has stated, in so many words, that he isn't going to expend that much energy on you.

Sorry.

Hey schizo, I'm really really emotional as well. I've had my fair share of depression, rejection and all the related BS. Maybe you just need to keep your guard a little longer. You have to learn people's signs. How to read them. Only time and experience lead to that.

Okay, here's a cliche but I think it's true: "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." It builds character and you learn what not to do next time.

Well, I'm just explaining the hard-to-deal-with parts.
Don't get me wrong, sigh. Great guy and all.
He dedicates a day each week to me.
He wears a bracelet I made him, ahah, a simple gesture on my part.
It's just not the same on both ends.
He's told me, a little melodramatically, that he appreciates me and things. A few times.
It's those things that make up for all the issues I have.
But then again, he told me I think too much; I take to heart what he says too often, trying to analyze it, when really, it's just meant to be simple.



I like simple things.
I wish I could just sit in the top of a tree and sleep in the branches forever.
My mind is at ease when I'm alone, I guess.
Well, I wouldn't say ease, exactly, but something like that.

Posted By schizophrenia on 02 Mar 2010 04:34 PM

I feel like shit, a bit... I can't do it. I don't want to do it, you know? I'm teetering on the edge of the abyss.

Also, he's not the first person ever to have said I seem depressed. I'm not sure if I feel depressed.

The first part I copy/pasted and the part where you say that you want to sleep in some branches forever make me very nervous Schizophrenia. Are you on the verge of doing something very serious to yourself? Did his rejection push you into a dangerous mood? If that is the case, you need to get professional help and fast! 

If other people around you say you seem depressed, they might be right. If you've suffered for a while you might not even notice anymore. Others may sometimes see more clearly how you differ from your normal self or from other friends they hang with. 

It might be what he said to you yesterday that made you dark today, but you seem depressed to me to. Isn't it worth seeking help to see if things can get better? I know how it is to feel a special bond to an ENFP and not feel that it is mutual. To feel that you are baring your soul and finally have this feeling that someone gets you. It gives you hope that you're able to click with someone even. And then, seeing the ENFP form this bond with others too, makes you sick, you feel rejected and not special.

This forum has helped me understand that we INTJs sometimes take things too seriously and as alysaria says, we see others as a threat, but they are not. ENFPs are capable of forming special bonds with countless people, and sustain relationships over time. They also communicate on different levels. In another thread we discussed how ENFPs seem open to everyone, but in reality they are baring themselves to only a carefully selected few people who are very close to them. Your ENFP being with other friends or saying that he can't save you, doesn't take away the great connection you have with him. ENFPs make us feel and notice our feelings. That is very important, so surround yourself with NFs if you can. 

Don't lose hope schizophrenia! There are so many interesting Ns out there for you to connect with. 

*Hug*  

God, no! You've got the picture wrong.
See, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to communicate the right way, haha.
When I refer to the treetops, I think of the comfort I receive when I sit in the top of my favourite tree and watch, vigil over the surrounding ground and how liberated it makes me feel to be at one with absolutely nothing at all.
How silly. By teetering I'm just saying I'm not sure where I stand. Bloody hell, I wish I could pour you a glass of my brain.
I'm aware that it's not all the end of everything. I'm far from dead. It'll take more than everlasting fog of dread and listlessness when it comes to friendships to put me out, hah.
No worries.
I'm just a little uneasy.

Simply what I mean about feeling like shit, is that it's just a little overwhelming in its entirety to constantly be the one trying to make a link connection with someone and having a link made of sand. I know you're right when you say there will be more people, but I just wish I could fill the hole with something, even if it's temporary. It could all be regarded as a good thing; I've shaped into the person I am.

I know know, like I've always known, that when I have a friend, or otherwise, with whom to share much pent up unrequited love, they will be loved through and through and I'll really be able to smile widely.

As for me, you don't need to worry about me for my mental health or anything. I believe I'm a little paranoid, and I think I have OCPD, but I'll make it. 'Til then, I shall remain in reverie purgatory. T'is the destiny of an INTJ.

I like the way you write. Ever thought about taking a notebook around with you and just jotting down things? Do you do that already? It'd be interesting to read.

Connections vary. There is never any 'true' connection, where someone can convey exactly what they're thinking to someone else. You always gradually approach it.

Also, think about this: do you need someone to love? There is some cliched advice that I'll put in here: "To love others, first love yourself." Or is it that you're tired of consistently being the only one who ever seems to try?

Or you could just be lonely. Loneliness is inevitable sometimes. But we'll help you get through it. *huggles*

@schizo:....

My first reaction to this... INTJ are gods. We don't acknowledge emotionally needing anyone! LOL

I think you need to meet more people.

I have a different problem... its not that I can't maintain relationships... I can't justify to myself the effort of maintaining a relationship that isn't happening automatically, because I can't convince myself that the other person is offering me anything that is worth all that effort.

--

Lets shift to more INTJ things. What are your career plans? What are your goals in life? What must you absolutely have done to have been satisfied with your life at the end of it? Focus on those. Your successes will give you confidence. Your confidence will help you deal with people more easily.

Also, look at that thread from Charlie about how she thinks she's so amazing and all that.

--

 

Also.. on pursuing until you get what you want... I remember losing interest in some girls after I understood how they thought. Sometimes when you understand why you felt something was intriguing, it doesn't seem quite so intriguing anymore. (not true of all people, of course - some people are genuinely good friends)

I do write everything and everything and everything, also, down.
I have a cellphone. I don't use it to call anyone, I don't use it to text, but I use the "notes" part of it for random thoughts, haha. My hand's always full of ink and my walls, desks, and floors are always covered with random pieces of paper. I have many notebooks. Writing is about the most important thing. It's a little bit of a compulsion, sometimes.
--
It's more along the lines of being the only one who ever tries.

How's your relationship with your parents Schizo? What are the types of your parents? What do they do?

Do you have uncles and such that you are close to? Do they do something interesting, or have interesting attitudes?